(Closed) Gender disappointment…

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 32
1430 posts
Bumble bee

I have always had my heart set on having a little girl some day too so I can understand how you would be disappointed but I really believe in time you won’t be able to imagine yourself having or wanting anything other than a boy. it just works that way! As for me, I am in the TTC phase and would love to be in your shoes..boy, girl or goat as @Mrs.strawberry said would be a huge blessing.

Post # 33
3066 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My sister just recently went through the same thing. Her and her bf were 5 months pregnant while her bf’s brother and wife were 6 months pregnant. When his brother found out he was having a boy, she got super pressured about it being a girl. She also wanted a girl really really bad and part of that was because of her Brother-In-Law having a boy the same time. I was there when they told them the sex and my sister just burst out in tears. I felt so bad. Now though he is 3 months old and just such a beautiful blessing. Once he is here, I think you will be so happy to have a healthy baby that the gender diappointment won’t effect you anymore.

Post # 34
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry you didn’t get the news you were hoping for!

Bees are right that you never know how things will turn out.  My mom had one child (me, 36 years old) and to this day (as in a week ago) she was still expressing how disappointed she was she didn’t get a girly girl to my dad.  As she says I am my “Father’s Daughter”.  She loves my dad, but not so much in a daughter lol.  I mean she loves me, but it’s not what she wanted.  She wanted all the girly moments and here I came along hating dresses and girly stuff.  I was into “boy things” and not “girl things”.

I still hate dresses.  DH and I were together 2.5 years when we got married and he’d never seen me in a dress before we got married.  I haven’t worn makeup since my mom fought and pushed me to wear it in 8th grade and I did for a few months just to say “there I tried it”. And she still kept saying “wait til you’re 16, 18, 20, 25, 30” before she gave up.  

At about 7 I fought with my mom about wearing a dress and slammed my bedroom door.  It was an old (+100 year old) house and the door stuck.  My dad had to come home from work and chisel away some of the door frame so I could get out of my room.

I’m just saying, even if you had a girl, you may not have got what you hoped (at least once they could walk and talk).  And I hoped you at least laughed or smiled, becuase it’s all true.

Post # 35
438 posts
Helper bee

If it helps I know someone who was told they were having a boy but when the lil baby came out it was a girl! 

Post # 36
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you are very brave and honest! I am not pregnant/mother, but I have always wanted 2 boys and a girl, but my first child to be a boy. I hope that I won’t be upset if I have a girl first (I just want a healthy baby!), because I think I will end up feeling guilty about being “upset” and then become depressed. I know that when your baby is born you will so happy and overjoyed. I know (boy or girl) I will, too!  🙂

Post # 37
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can definitely relate.  When i first found out i was pregnant, after the initial shock of it all, i started to get excited about being a mom.  My mom is one of my best friends so i thought about mani/pedi dates, amazing dresses & bows, playing dress up with jewelry & make up, glitter, ponies & thought about all the ways i could bond with my daughter. I just felt like i was having a girl. Fast forward to my anatomy scan & there lying on the table, i am told that my hubby & i are having a son.  He was overjoyed.  I was at a loss for words. I was a little disappointed, but not the way i thought i would be. I was maybe more scared.  I dont know anything about boys. That whole week at work, all of my clients kept telling me how boys are awesome. How they are so sweet, how nothing is like the relationship between mother & son.  I am now thrilled to be having a boy, i cant wait to meet my little rockstar!!!  Maybe you should just go shopping around, checking out all the cute boy stuff, that helped me a lot. I did a total 180.  Now i cant wait to go fishing & play in the sandbox & help him find bugs. I hope this helps a little bit, just know that you are not alone. My best friend was a little disappointed to find out she was having a girl!!  I think a lot of us experience this at some level because we get these expectations in our miNds…it will be ok (:

Post # 38
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

DH and I both thought this baby would be a girl, so when we had our 20 week ultrasound and found out it was boy we were both shocked. I definitely went through a stage of disappointment, as did DH. It took a few weeks to get over and during that time I went out and tried to buy cute boy clothes and think of all things boy, like my love for lizards (he can wear dinosaur clothes!) and dogs (all puppy stuff seems to be boy).

We are both still afraid for having a boy, but know that it will be fine. DH has said a few times he wished he had a girl, but I know deep down he will enjoy having a little boy to help work on the car and tinker with tools. Our only fear is sports. Neither of us like sports. We do not watch football on TV or go to games like everyone else we seem to know. If this boy wants to play a sport, so be it, but our not liking sports is more of a “we totally hate sports, are completely bored by them and cannot even sit through a game of DH’s siblings”. I can’t picture myself ever being that ‘soccer mom’ or enjoying the game. I’m truly hoping deep down he doesn’t like sports, just like us, and will be more interested in cars, tools, and computers. Honestly – I think this is our one big fear with a boy..

I’m due in 4 weeks, so we will see how things change. This little one still has no name, as I didn’t even want to think about it in the beginning, but we are working on it now.

Disappointment is normal, especially with pressure. Just take it one step at a time and allow yourself to come to terms.

Post # 39
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

OP- sorry you are getting a few negative comments but the supportive ones are wonderful! Some people won’t ever understand but you’re totally normal and not alone.

I went thorugh this recently. I’m currently pregnant and we don’t want to find out what we are having but I think I’m having a boy (I was hoping for a girl). I was disappointed/worried about it for a couple of days and then with the help of positive comments from other bees and just really reflecting on it, I don’t care either way anymore. I think these feelings will pass before you know it, it doesn’t mean you love your baby any less or are not hoping for a healthy little one. Best of luck!

Post # 40
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

My sister was absolutely DREADING the idea of having a boy. When she found out she was having a boy, she was absolutely heartbroken. It took months for her to accept it. Now, her son is almost a year old and I know she wouldn’t have it any other way. She never thought she would be able to bond with a boy, but they are even closer than she is with her daughter. I’m sure it will be fine, just try not to pressure yourself so much.

Post # 41
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Like alot of previous posters have mentioned, I think that once it sinks in that you are having a boy… you won’t be able to imagine having a girl.  Because from now on, you will only be focused on boy things and the color blue…  at least that is what happened for me!

I found out 5 weeks ago (wow, where did that time go?)… anyway, 5 weeks ago I found out I was having a boy and me and DH were hoping for a girl.  THis is our first child.  But as soon as the radiologist said ‘boy’ our faces lit up.  I think it’s just such a cool thing to find out the gender while he’s still in your belly.  It just helps you paint a clearer picture of what your future will be like.

Anyway.  I think that I would have been more excited that day if I found out it was a girl.  I was a teensy bit sad to see the images of the little girl go away.  But at this point, I am really excited to have a boy… and like I said, I can’t imagine it any other way.

You’re going to go bonkers for your son and soon this disappointment will surely fade.  Trust me!  🙂


Post # 42
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@cjfs:  I never have but my sister was in a similar situation to yours. She really wanted a girl (no one in the family really cared about the gender it was just her preference) and keept convincing herself that she “feelt” it was a girl. At 20 weeks she found out it was a boy.

She was really sad for quite a while but in the end she said when he was born she would have been dissapointed if the doctor had been mistaken and it was a girl. She had justgot so used to the idea of having a son.

Post # 43
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Totally normal! Anyone who tries to tell you it’s not is a jackwagon. You are allowed to feel however you feel and it’s not for anyone to tell you it’s wrong. You will accept it and be happy with the gender in time, it just takes some longer than others to come around to the idea. 

Post # 44
3038 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Thank you for posting this thread. I’m not pregnant, but my Fiance and I will probably begin to try once we’re married. And I DREAD getting a boy. You see, I have a 6 year younger brother and we all thought he was going to be a girl. My parents even asked me to pick a name – Elisabeth – and then HE arrived, the day before my birthday… Major tantum from my side. Anyway, we’re now best of friends and I can’t imagine my life without him – BUT, I want that little baby girl that we never got 23 years ago. My Fiance also wants a girl really badly. So, here I am – not pregnant at all, but already worrying about how I would handle the news of a boy. Your thread really helped me to understand that these feelings are normal (because I’ve felt bad about them) and that it all seems to work out in the end. So once again, thank you!

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