Post # 16
I think when they focus on words like male/female, boy/girl, Mr/Miss. I’m generally okay with it. I get slightly annoyed when they ascribe a color to the sex. I get very irritated when they start separating interests and personality attributes by sex like “Dolls or Trucks” or “Glitter or Guns.”
I have seen some pretty good ideas online for sex reveals that try not to incorporate gender roles too much. It is possible for it to be done well, it just isn’t frequently.
ETA: I have a friend who did a reveal in a way I thought was really cute. I’ve seen it suggested online. Her and her husband loved sports and liked different teams. Her team represented the girl, his team was the boy. They brought out a team flag that was the reveal.
Post # 17
I’m kind of surprised at how judgy everyone is about a gender/sex reveal party.
We had one for the baby I’m currently pregnant with because a) our friends were SUPER excited to know b) we wanted to share that moment with everyone and c) it’s a fun excuse to have our friends over for a party.
We did not ask for any gifts whatsoever, we’re not even registered, and provided all food and beverages ourselves. Some people brought small gifts, a card or flowers, but it was by no means expected. I was kind of surprised that they did!
That being said, I don’t have any issue with this type of a party. I think people get way too serious/ offended/ hyper sensitive about literally everything in today’s world. If someone doesn’t like the concept and doesn’t want to attend, by all means, feel free to decline. And if our baby turns out to identify with a gender other than the one we assume when they are born, we will 100% support them and whatever they need to feel confident in their bodies. I don’t see how having a party changes that in any way.
Post # 18
I just don’t see the point to gender reveal parties and don’t understand why it can’t just be a “I’m preggers party”.
Post # 19
I think sex reveals are, while tacky, fine.
Acknowledging a child’s sex and raising them that way until they say otherwise doesn’t at all mean that one cannot accept change if it does happen. The more important thing is to raise one’s children to know that they are equal, they are loved, and they are safe to be themselves. If they feel comfortable being who they are with you, they’re not going to look back at pink or blue frosting and get upset.
Parents always celebrate the person they think their child will be – I know when I was little, my mom told me up and down I was going to be the best ballerina, baker, doctor, ect. And the fact that she bought dance lessons and aprons and toy stethoscopes doesn’t mean she is now less proud and accepting of what I have chosen to do as an adult. You can dream about your child’s future and still accept the one they eventually make for themselves.
Post # 20
I feel like we have too many parties in general. It’s started to feel like obligations to attend them. I have a Future Sister-In-Law who is having a bachelorette and a bridal shower AND a couple’s shower AND a groom’s shower for her fiance. And just invited us to go on her ‘Buddymoon”, which is apparently where a group of people will go with them on their honeymoon and spend the week, I guess, celebrating that the wedding went okay. I’m imagining that after that we’ll need to have a post-buddymoon party to celebrate that the buddymoon was fine.
I’m pretty sure that when she gets pregnant there will be a baby shower, a separate mommy shower, a gender reveal and presumably a separate party for each of her fetus’s fingers and toes.
That said, the “gender” reveal seems particularly pointless to me. I just don’t care what genitals someone’s fetus has. I guess I care that it HAS genitals, since lacking those usually indicates deeper health problems. But I’d much rather spend the weekend hanging with FH, or doing my hobbies or just catching up on DVR than celebrating that someone who isn’t even born yet has a vagina.
Post # 21
I don’t care for them because I have never attended one that wasn’t rampant with gender stereotypes that I think are problematic. I’m sure there’s a way to do a sex reveal that doesn’t fall back on pink/blue, dolls/cars, etc. but I’ve never seen one. Full disclosure: my partner and I want to try some aspects of gender-creative parenting but we’ve still chosen names that fall along gender lines and would probably default to gendered pronouns unless the child expressed a different preference when they were older. So I guess I have less of an issue with gender and more of an issue with the strict binary.
I’ve also had a heck of a time explaining to my non-U.S. family why people have a party to announce what their fetus’s genitalia is. Once you have to try to introduce the concept to people who have no frame of reference for the “gender reveal”, it is actually pretty odd!
Post # 22
Post # 23
I personally don’t care for them at all, and that’s because of my feelings about the idea of “gender.”
Gender is much more of a social construct than a real thing IMO. Aside from what estrogen vs testosterone influences you to do, I don’t think that biological sex has any bearing on personality. A gender reveal is basically a party to celebrate your fetus having a penis or a vagina, which just strikes me as weird. Maybe the penis-toting fetus will grow up to dance ballet, love pink, and marry a man. Maybe the vagina-ed one will love monster trucks, the color green, and be an engineer.
Keeping stuff as “boy things” or “girl things” limits kids’ development and curiosity, and most importantly, it sets up “feminine” things as being bad—something that hurts boys as much as girls when it comes to expressing themselves.
I’ve joked with my husband that if we ever want an excuse for a party when I’m preggo, we should just set off something with green or purple powder (or whatever) and announce that we’re having a human being. 🤷♀️
Post # 24
bretagne422 : Vagina-ed. 😂
Also, yes! Darling Husband and I have also joked about sending out something with rainbow colors… to celebrate having a human being. lol.
Post # 25
emeraldbee : i agree with the judgement. As with any other event, if you think it’s stupid, or pointless, don’t go. I think showers are stupid and pointless for people living together, but if someone wants to have one, go for it. I can decide whether i want to attend or not. I don’t have to get offended about it.
Having a baby is a really exciting time and people just want to celebrate. I understand the eye-rolling when gifts are expected. But when they aren’t….i dunno, I feel like there’s a lot of negative shit in the world, what is it hurting to celebrate something?
Post # 26
Wow– glad I live amongst people who are probably MORE excited to celebrate a new baby than the parents! We did a gender reveal with my immediate family and a couple family friends and not one time did we celebrate a penis or a vagina– maybe we party wrong where I’m from but it was a way for the family to get together, grill some burgers and hang out.
I personally don’t see the harm as long as it’s not demanding gifts and being over the top in general.
Post # 27
- Wedding: May 2017 - Canvas Event Space
I haaaaate these parties. I really, really do. I try to just let it go and as others have said, let other people lives their lives but honestly? I find them a little bit disturbing.
Have they always been a thing? On one hand, I find it weird that they’ve become so popular at the same time they’re just so outdated but on the other hand I’m not surprised at all.
idk personally, I do think about this as part of the reason I don’t want to find out at all and if we were to find out in advance, I don’t want it to be anybody else’s business.
Post # 28
I feel parties to celebrate finding out the sex of your baby is just fine. Your child is genetically that sex, so go ahead and celebrate finding out! I do have a question for those that found it tacky. Did you have an engagement party? I am from northern minnesota and those just aren’t common up here, and I think in our social group would be found gift grabby and tacky. I am learning a lot about different social norms being on the bee. I’m actually finding this all very interesting!
To note: I did not have a party to reveal the sex of my first 2 kids and will not be finding out the sex beforehand of any future children. Not because of identity issues though. I just like the surprise after hours of grueling labor!
Post # 29
fromatoz : Haha, I was thinking the same thing! We had a number of friends who were begging us to do a party to review if the baby is a boy or a girl. I find the mentality of “nobody cares” so weird. I’m always excited to find out what our friends are having. But maybe I’m the weird one?