Post # 1
for those of you who can relate… how did you deal?
i was never the little girl who thought about her wedding… and i’m not into being the center of attention… and generally a practical spender… so this whole wedding planning thing feels very foriegn to me.
he said elope…. sounds nice, but i want family there. i said ceremony + cake reception…. but if it’s here, he wants a real party
ceremony/place/food/rings were decided with minimal hair loss… but now a dress.
i must have tried on 50+ dresses and am not closer to a decision… and shopping has become an intimidating, pressure filled event… i do get excited about some of the dresses when family starts to love one… but then at home i see the photos and just don’t like how they look and feel silly for getting caught up in the hype… so what to do? keep looking (ugh..)?
Post # 3
I was in a similar situation. In the end I gave in to the realization that I am not going to get that overwhelming moment when I put on a dress. I also eventually gave in to the idea and took my FI dress shopping with me. He kept me focused so to say in what I want and although he gave his opinion he never tried to sell me on a dress. I actually ended up purchasing his favorite dress. It had all of the elements I wanted and I figured if I am not going to love the dress at least he should. Don’t get me wrong, I like my dress. However, I don’t think any dress will give me that overwhelming feeling. The idea of standing up beside him and saying our vows does though. Knowing he loves my dress is a just a plus 🙂
Post # 4
I have GAD too, and I can TOTALLY relate!!! I’ve been doing one thing at a time, and bringing friends I trust with me for their opinions. These friends and FI know that I have anxiety and they help keep me grounded. I brought friends with me dress shopping who I know would give me their honest opinions on how dresses looked, which I believe helped me pick out a dress.
Post # 5
I can 100% relate…it didn’t get better until after the wedding unfortunately. So I have no advice. 🙁 sorry you’re going through it though!
Post # 6
@kernstreet: My GAD is severe. Like disabled but I don’t accept disability.What did I do? Say fuck it.
Alterations department put sleeves on my dress when I didn’t want them and messed up the beading when they took them off? Fuck it. I told them to give me a bag of beads and took it home to fix myself. Fuck it.
The no refundable underskirt I bought in the size it fit me in store doesn’t fit? Fuck it.
Guest list went from 50 to 100? Fuck it.
Diamond wedding band was ruined by the jeweler? Fuck it. I found another one. Fuck it.
As long as I can recite my personally written vows and become his wife, everything and everyone can fuck it.
Post # 7
@@kernstreet: to @CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon YES, YES AND YES.
I am planning my wedding currently as well and have GAD, amounst other things. I try to just tell myself im having fun and to enjoy what im doing, in a positive mindset but then when it gets to be too much I have to remember if at the end of the day if Im married- nothing else matters. The dress doesnt have to be PERFECT, or have “the right flower”, when you get that anxious take a break and then come back later. you may realize that particular thing isnt something you have to worry about. Also, if you have people you trust- delegate. 🙂 best of luck! I bet your wedding will be amazing 🙂
Post # 8
I know what your going through just try to breathe! The best advice I can give since I’ve already been through it, you may just need to take a break from dress shopping. Your probably extremely overwhelmed and confused at this point from trying on so many. Definitely don’t bring alot of people with you, I only ever had my Mom and sister and a few appointments I went by myself. It would probably be best for you to go by yourself or with just one other person so you don’t have a bunch of others chiming in with opinions to make you overthink and analyze everything! Only you can make the decision, no one else knows yourself and your style, what you like better than you! I never cried or anything like that I just ultimately picked the dress that made me feel the most beautiful even though it was not the one that my Mom and sister wanted me to pick! I had to pick the one I liked or I would have never stopped thinking about it! Believe me people don’t pay attention to little things that we notice like you think they would! Try not to focus on the pics you’ve taken so much, focus on how the dress made you feel when you had it on! I hope this advice helps, it will all work out I’m sure of it! Good luck!!!
Post # 9
Hey there! I am definetly an anxious person and also dread being the center of attention. I recently was trying to figure out how I could avoid the part where I have to walk down the aisle while everyone stares at me lol I am soon to be engaged and when we went to look at rings I felt overwhelmed and was terrified of making the wrong choice (like I would hate it the next time I saw it or woukd find something better later).The dress picking worries me as well but Im trying not to think about it. The only thing that helped me during that high stress situation was taking a breathe and thinking about how lucky I was. I was so lucky to find a wonderful man, i was so lucky that I had the option to look at so many beautiful rings, and these are the types of things that are memorable. I slowed down my anxious brain and had to remind myself many times to soak in the experience. All these choices we have to make are blessings and really none of then can be “wrong” because they are just things. I just hope you feel happy and comfortable on your special day! Best of luck 🙂
Post # 10
Having a long engagement is helping me a TON. And having help from everyone. My FI keeps talking me down too, which is helpful. He gets that about 95% of my questions and obessive planning the anxiety, so when I need it he makes me take a break or gives me a dose of reality.
And I’ve stayed away from any wedding planning timeline planners. Or have turned that feature off on the online one I found.
The dress..which I just got the Saturday after Christmas….my MOH’s outspoken mother was a God-send in a good way. She helped me get my voice out there and kept me collected and put the sales people in their place if they wouldn’t back off. And she left everything up to me in the end.
Post # 11
@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon: + forever. LOL. Love it.
@kernstreet: We’re having a short engagement. That’s helping me (too much to check off the list means not enough time to stress over it). Also being the type of person that just gets shit done is helpful, even if it comes with stress and anxiety. I kinda figure that it’s all gotta get done, and then I adopt Creature’s attitude above when needed. Woo!
Post # 12
I will tell you what has been going on with my planning:
– We decided on a Church and had this booked, then found out Reverend was retiring in 2014 but wasn’t sure which month and if someone could replace him quickly.
– So we changed Church and this one was perfect and small except….
– it got struck by lightning soon after we chose it and has 4 holes in the roof and more debris is to fall….
– now we have our third Church and it seats 300 people….we are only having 30 people to our wedding!!!
– There was flooding on the road near our rception venue a few weeks ago but hopefully didn’t reach the house.
– I have gone through 3 dresses and on my fourth (I tried to go cheap and buy online and it was disastrous). One dress I got from ebay for £300 and it was way smaller than she said it would be.
– I wanted only immediate family (parents, grandparents and sibling) but fiance wanted aunts and uncle as well as cousins. Stress…cause then we had to book reception. He thought we could do it under 2K but I said it would cost more and we should invite less people and have no reception. We were going to have village hall…but no his mum doesn’t like it so then we booked a b and b for three course meal (lunch)…and then his nan implied that we were being bad hosts for going to our honeymoon that night. Sorry but people aren’t travelling that far and they came down for graduation…so why should we be there all night.
– Think seamstress may have made my dress a bit too short (not too bad).
Post # 13
Along with that, I have the stress of finding a job…economy is so bad in the UK!! I have literally applied to lots of jobs, have a first class degree and lots of volunteer experience (full-time) and am friendly! But just got driving license so it should be easier to find a job now. I have applied for some all over England and was talking to FMIL about this and she was panicking about it being too far even though my fiance and I need to move up country.
Post # 14
It’s so funny that I login to the bee and this is the first thing I see.
Today I was in the emergency room for a panic attack. Full fledged, gasping for air, blacking out panic attack. I’ve had anxiety all of my life and my life has never been complicated… it’s more the unrealistic expectations I have placed on myself.
That picture of the brain you posted with all of that jumble we have to remember is literally how it is. To keep the wedding stuff off of my brain, I use the ipad app Wunderlist.. and I have two seperate lists. One for the wedding and the other for the honeymoon. I make a massive list and check things off as I go.. it doesnt get rid of the things.. just put them at the bottom of the list. It helps me from feeling like I constantly need to keep everything in the forefront of my mind in order to not forget something.
Next, I recently gave my fiance sole task of managing the honeymoon. We are taking a cruise and making sure are passports are in order, all of the paperwork was loaded, hotel booked, times and scheduling, boarding passes were printed, luggage tags etc etc etc was way more than I could stand. So now that is all in his lap.
Post # 15
thanks everyone – i don’t feel so crazy knowing i’m not the only one
family stopped asking me about the wedding b/c they knew it was just making me upset… but after a month or so of not doing anything, I wanted to check something off….
so i got a dress – i called back the one dress vendor who made me feel comfortable (left the room so we didn’t feel pressured / gave me all the time i needed / worked with a limited budget) and though I never cried or anything, I was very happy with it and it made my mother happy which i was surprised to find out ment so much more to my peace of mind than how the dress looked (and it is a beautiful dress)
of course later that same day our old dog could barely stand (fallen down the stairs when we were out is our guess) and we are heartbroken thinking we’ll have to put her down… way to go from hi to low…. but it’s 2 weeks later and she’s okay (though a downstairs only dog now) and I have barely thought about the dress – though when i do i’m happy with it… the dog forced things in perspective… i’m just so greatful to have those i love around me that much else doesn’t matter.
Post # 15
stbt125: your post reminds me of me!! It made me feel better while i plan my wedding 🙂