Post # 1
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
Hi Bees
OK – this is an odd post for me. I have already posted it in the “intimacy section”, but the gals there are young enough to be my daughters. I need advice from women closer to my age.
I am 52. I married a wonderful 60 year old man, and we are coming up on our 1st anniversary.
This morning we were going to make love when he sheepishly confessed that he had contracted genital herpes back in college (…that would be 1969 for those of you keeping track). He currently has one blister on his butt.
We have been together for about 5 years now. He says he had not had an outbreak during our entire relationship so never told me he had contracted herpes 40 yrs ago. He was too embarrassed.
I am not at all angry at him. I am also not afraid of the “disease” – it’s just a cold sore in a private place. I can’t get pregnant anymore, so not worried about passing herpes to a baby. So this is no biggy. But as this issue is new to me, I am hoping some of you bees can help.
1. We don’t use condoms and we don’t want to. As a 60 year old man on certain meds, he has “a hard time staying hard” even on viagra, and a condom won’t reliably stay put. So if I want to try to avoid getting herpes, is there really any way to do that?
2. Since I have had unprotected sex with him for about five years, should I assume I have contracted the virus anyway?
3. Do men shed the virus even when they have no visible blisters?
4. So how awful would it be for me to have an outbreak. I know the first one can be bad – but after that?
Thanks ladies…
Post # 3
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
I would make an appointment to get tested and then talk to ure Dr. They will give u the most accurate info. And can go into detail for u.
Post # 4
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
There are meds he can take that will decrease the liklihood of him giving it to you, but it isn’t fool proof. He can pass it on to you even if he isn’t having an outbreak. You should discuss it with your doctors.
Post # 5
Member
28 posts
Newbee
1. Like PP said, there are meds that can decrease the likelihood of him passing the virus to you. But they’re not 100% fool proof. Even with a condom, there is still a chance he could pass it to you. Miniscule, but not impossible.
2. It’s very likely that you’ve already contacted herpes. Keep in mind that a lot of people who have herpes are asymptomatic. So just because you’ve never had symptoms doesn’t mean you’re in the clear.
3. Yes. Even if he’s not having an outbreak, there’s still a possibility he can pass it to you.
4. Subsequent outbreaks are supposed to be less severe and also less frequent. Some people have an initial outbreak and never have another one for the rest of their lives. Some people will continue to have an outbreak a few times a year.
Like PP said, you should go see the doctor and get tested.
Post # 6
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
I’ll add that you should probably talk to your doctor about it. I don’t know how much of a difference is between the different types, but I get cold sores. I won’t kiss my guy as soon as I feel even a tingling in my lip. He has taken the attitude that I don’t need to be so cautious because he likely has it and simply doesn’t have symptoms. There are plenty of people out there who never have outbreaks.
That said, I can’t bear the thought of giving it to him and having to see him get the initial outbreak. I remember my first outbreak and I had to go to the hospital when I couldn’t eat or drink anymore. Granted, I was a child and the memory is probably only so traumatic because I was so young. I just still can’t bring myself to kiss him if I even suspect an outbreak.
It sounds like there’s a good chance you already have it don’t have outbreaks. If you could confirm that, then I think it would be a huge relief that you don’t have to change anything in your relationship. I know I would love it if Fiance would go get tested so I don’t have to worry about even a peck on the lips or a shared glass when I might be getting close to an outbreak.
If you don’t have it, talk to your husband about triggers. If he doesn’t have outbreaks often, there’s probably a trigger for him – illness is common, but I know that mine is also stress. Then you can at least plan around it.
Post # 7
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
I developed a large shingles blister on my right butt cheek a few DAYS before our wedding. The ER dr told me it was from the wedding stress. My husband gets mouth sores occasionally and I’m pretty sure its connected since shingles and herpes are from the same type of virus. After 5 years you are probably affected and wont have to change anything now.