- 5 years ago
Going anon. Fos the stuffs.
Currently on the sofa, while Fiance is in the bed – hence the name. I honestly don’t understand what’s just happened, so I think that maybe I need reassurance that I’m not being some kind of short sighted nincompoop, who can’t see the awful thing I’ve done. Or even for someone to point out whether I was unreasonable, so I can maybe see why things have happened!
Anyway, about an hour ago, Fiance and I went to bed. Earlier this evening I’d had friends round, and one girl brought her Boyfriend or Best Friend – who is FI’s friend.
I offered this friend a beer (had a couple left over from a stew, I don’t usually have any alcohol in the house) and my Fiance asked if he could have one. I said no.
A couple of weeks ago Fiance came home after a work do, completely and utterly wasted. He couldn’t stand, couldn’t talk properly and proceeded to throw up everywhere. I mean – everywhere. I’m sheltered, I’ll admit that, but I honestly didn’t think people got this drunk. I was freaking out because he kept passing out and throwing up.
I got his phone to call his mum, to ask what to do – and he went mad. He’s protective of his phone anyway, and being drunk made him scary. I was really scared. I tried to lock myself in the bathroom with the phone, and he slammed on the door over and over.
Eventually I got his mum to ring the housephone – he answered – and she persuaded him to go to bed. He passed out, still covered in sick, in our bed. I spent the night in an armchair, because everything else had sick on it.
The next morning he remembered nothing. He apologised a lot, and he promised to stop drinking completely and begged me to stay with him. I said that I would stay, but that if he ever got like that again, I would leave. It was his choice to give it up completely – he even bought a non-alcoholic mouthwash – which I thought was overkill. I just wanted him to moderate.
So tonight, when he asked for a beer I thought he wanted me to say no, so he didn’t lose face infront of his friend – but that he still wouldn’t drink. I thought that I was helping him out.
Just before, in bed, he told me he had wanted to drink, but that he had stopped drinking for me so he didn’t drink because I said no.
I reminded him that it was his choice not to drink, and that I didn’t want to say yes, and have him disappointed in himself. I thought he was stopping for himself.
Then he brought up his stag do in a couple of months – and the fact that he would like to drink on that. I said that I would trust him less while he was out with his friends and brothers, and I’d rather him drink in with me, than out bar hopping.
As far as I was aware, his stag do was to travel to a go-karting and rock climbing thing, not a night out.
Out of nowhere he’s shouting at me, and accusing me of making up rules for his ‘last night of freedom’ and that drinking heavily on a stag do ‘went without saying.’ He said that I had ruined his stag do.
He then told me to shut up and go to sleep.
I got up, said that he wasn’t to talk to me like that, and that I would sleep elsewhere if he was going to shout at me.
Cue the next barrage of accusations – I’m treating him like one of my students (I’m a primary school teacher), controlling his stag do, setting out rules for his stag do, ruining his stag do etc etc
I didn’t raise my voice at him once, because I hate hate hate doing it. I tried to say that I was trying to understand what the rules were that he’d laid out for himself – but he kept interrupting to shout at me. As I turned to leave the room, he told me that ‘if this is married life, I don’t want it.’ and that he’d leave in the morning.
So I’m in here, and I don’t have a CLUE what the hell just happened. He totally just flipped.
Should I have just said ‘ok, do what you want!’ without questioning? I wish I had done, but I didn’t realise that trying to figure out where this ‘non-drinking’ line is, would cause so much trouble!