(Closed) Get Down On Your Knee, Or Else!

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would/Did You Demand A Proposal?

    Yes.

    Yes, but without a deadline.

    No.

    No, but I wouldn't wait "forever".

  • Post # 62
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    We decided to get married in a skype conversation last christmas, but he insisted that he wanted to propose properly. We picked a ring, picked a date, looked at venues, his family started to introduce me as his fiance… however, there is just a thing about being officially engaged (people looking at you like you are crazy mostly). And he was, for some reason he still can’t explain, was taking his sweet time. So I told him I wouldn’t move in with him until he propsed. That sped things up ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 63
    Member
    310 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @kuposa17:  Proposezillas! haha! That’s great! I actually didn’t want a proposal either and, like you, I wanted to discuss it on the couch haha! My parents got engaged 42 years ago (married for 40 lol) and that is how they did it! (They just talked about it). That is pretty much the story of my whole extended family (I’m French Canadian, my dad has 11 siblings lol). My brother suprised everyone buy proposing to his girlfriend in front of the close family, but that is not common where I come from. My boyfriend was also horrified, but he came to his senses, and as I said, he still wants to do a proposal, but I know the date and I told a few people already (my parents were visiting, and I would not see them until 2 months after the proposal date, so I told them and even showed my mom the ring lol). My bf just had to understand that there are two of us in this thing! Before he came to his senses, I actually told him that I didn’t want him to propose, because I would say no (and I meant it). I said I wouldn’t marry someone who refused to discuss such an important decision with me! haha! He is a smart guy, he totally saw my point after a few days ๐Ÿ™‚ He is actually happy that we can talk about it now and that we are both excited! No pressure anymore!

    Post # 64
    Member
    564 posts
    Busy bee

    @sweetbutdemanding:  i would never demand a proposal because then it’s all about you, not the couple your supposed to be. it’s like frogmarching him to the alter, not a good sign. i’d rahter he came of his own free will than be forced to give me the proposal and be angry. plus, you’ll never be sure it’s what he wanted. i’ve been waiting since 2010, and we’re still going strong. no marriage talk beyond the occasional hint by me has been processed. demanding a proposal will likely get him out the door instead, jmt

    Post # 65
    Member
    422 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @sweetbutdemanding:  I don’t demand a proposal. We are together for 8 years, and I’ve been waiting for a proposal ever since we moved in together, almost 2 years ago. We already talked about marriage and I told him I was ready for that step and I was starting to wonder why he was not. And he told me he wanted to feel more settled in is job and live in general. I agree with his views, however, I have my own internal deadline, I’ve not told him about this, but if I don’t have a proposal by the end of this year (after 3 years living together and a almost 10 years relationship) I’m going to leave him. I love him, and I know he is the man of my life, however marriage is important to me, and I don’t want kids before I have a husband, so I’m doing this for myself, in hopes to find a man that shares my views.

     

    Post # 66
    Member
    274 posts
    Helper bee

    No way.  It will be a joint decision that we make as a team together when we both think the right time is.  I would never demand or force his hand into something he isent ready for.  I really think people need to slow down and relax about the whole thing, seriously what’s the rush if you have your entire lives to be married?

    Post # 67
    Member
    5879 posts
    Bee Keeper

    There’s a big difference being having a series of mature conversations about how you envision the blending of your lives together vs. an ultimatum.

    Nothing is wrong with being open about your expecations. But the conversation about the timeline and your expecations of marriage should have happened long before you moved in. So yeah now its sounds like your issuing an ulimatium. I don’t think those work in the long run.  

     

    Post # 71
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @sweetbutdemanding:  None of those, I think some people just want to see a ring on your finger to believe you or something. 

    Or also the facebook relationship status change, which I find to be an odd demand. 

    Post # 72
    Member
    612 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2018

    i did demand a proper proposal lmao but i didnt have any deadlines or anything and he had already proposed before 6 months!

    Post # 73
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    @Cory_loves_this_girl:  

    That’s what I think as well. We’ve been living together for a year now, and while he says he can’t wait to marry me and is “thinking” about rings, he says the finances aren’t where he wants them to be right now. But then he puts money away so he can get the new PlayStation the day it comes out, commissions a portrait of our new puppy (WTF?!?!) etc. It feels like if he was really all that excited to get engaged, his actions would show that he’s actively saving, not making frivolous purchases. 

    Post # 74
    Member
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    No, I would not issue an ultimatum or leave a relationship that was not heading toward marriage, assuming that the man I was with was interested in having a family.

     

    My parents were never married and are still together some 25+ years later, so I have never seen marriage as necessary to have a long-term, committed relationship. (In case anyone is curious, my dad wanted to marry my mom but she refused his proposal and they are considering maybe getting married after their youngest is done with college.) If I want to marry someone it is because he is the love of my life, and if he did not desire to be married, then that would not be a big deal.

     

    So, as long as we otherwise have the same core values and goals in life, marriage is a total negiotable for me. That said, full disclosure, I am married, but it was something that I liked the idea of doing and could have easily done without if I was with a different spouse.

     

    Further, we did not have a proposal or anything like that. We simply had a conversation in which we decided that we mutually wanted to be married, I picked out a ring, and then we were engaged.

     

    I guess I do need to be open-minded and understand that other people have different goals in life, but I’ve always found it odd that some individuals seem to place having the proposal and the ring over the importance of the spouse. If I loved someone enough to consider spending the rest of my life with him, I just don’t see the lack of a marriage as a deal-breaker. 

     

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