- 5 years ago
i’ve never lived with a guy before (and never thought i would before getting married). what is so special if you already had sex and lived together (other than the fact that you get a few more benefits and are “officially married”)? does anything change? i think my main concern is i’m scared that doing all of this would make marriage feel less special to me.
background: we’re 21 and 22(FH) and i’m still in school (was due to graduate in May, but a class of mine is only offered once a year, putting me behind one year!). i’ve lived on my own before/blahblah/ am back with my parents only to save up money for our savings account, which my FH and I decided on. his side of the family are okay with whatever.
no one in my super traditional family is supportive (my parents and FH aren’t religious, but my brother is very religious, and i am somewhere in the middle). FH and I have worked on how to raise our kids though. that’s not the isuse. and it’s not that they don’t like my FH either! they just prefer me to graduate/wait first. (i’d graduate even if i did marry though!) we want to get married in july and are financially stable at this moment. but they are so desperate (probably to claim me as a dependent) to keep me from getting married that they said they would allow (to both our surprises), to let us move in before getting married, and then marrying upon graduation.
to be honest, the main thing stopping me from waiting until graduation (spring 2014) is the fact that we want to get married BEFORE we live together (we were both brought up traditionally) and we don’t believe in “compatibility/test driving.” we just know we are in love with each other (and have dated other people, been dating for 4+ years since high school, known/friends for about 6+ years). we know “in love” doesn’t last forever and are well beyond our honeymoon phase. we choose each other and want to be together for the rest of our lives. and with that choice, we give each other the utmost commitment and will work through “compatibility isuses.”
it IS financially more beneficial (for everyone involved) to wait (as we could save about a few thousand dollars, which I see as worth it to get out of the reins/reign of my parents), and my family would finally be supportive of our decision. and my FH is more than okay with it (as his reason for waiting is more to appease my parents’ and my decision to marry first). and my super religious brother is reluctant but okay with it.
somehow, my brother’s logic (and the rest of my family’s) is that i’m not mature enough for marriage; if i wait 1.5 years and have a diploma and THEN get married, i’d be more mature because i waited rather than how mature i’d be in 1.5 years (with a diploma) only i get married this summer.
okay it seems like an obvious win-win situation, i know. we’d get what we wanted (which is to live together finally and for me to be out of the house with their blessing). so i should wait and just live with my FH now (we’re in the process of getting our own house). unfortunately, that’s not the way i ever saw my life unfolding and it’s hard to change something i’ve internalized since i can remember. also, it feels like i’m sacrificing something i’ve deemed to be true my entire life, and yes this would be the last time i’d do something to make my parents happy instead of making me happy…. so i could potentially go through with it.
i am seriously considering this moving in before marriage things cause everyone kind of gets what they want (after all, my main issue is WAS to get out of my parents’ house, but without paying for rent. it’s not that i’m not willing to or demand a free place to live. my FH (and my family and I) just didn’t feel the necessity to keep dropping my money on rent when we can save that money towards our savings. i’d be more than happy to use that money to pay rent with my FH, but the issue was we didn’t want to live together first- to appease my parents, which is no longer an issue somehow).
it’s not that i’m against waiting (for arguments, why not wait if you see yourself with them forever) as i say why wait if you know you’re forever? i’m okay with waiting, i guess. but i am certain that i want to marry this man. and i’d be just as certain if i married him now vs later. but this option is making my world spin around in ways i’ve never imagined possible. and i don’t know what to think of it. and i need you bees to help me please! give me insight i may be overlooking? THANK YOU!