(Closed) get married vs have a wedding

posted 8 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would have a beautiful small ceremony, a kickass dinner to celebrate, and a fabulous honeymoon. I think my wedding is going to be beautiful, but with recent family events, I wish I had eloped and spent two weeks in Iceland this summer instead! Go with your gut!

Post # 4
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It sounds like you really want to have the small wedding, so I say go for it. You can always have a casual reception at a later date. I was on the fence for awhile, and almost went with the tiny wedding myself, but decided I really did want a larger celebration. We have a LOT of family close friends who live across the country, and that was one of the biggest factors. We wanted to get everybody together, and with the distance, that rarely happens. If most of our family/friends lived nearby, I don’t think we would have gone this route.

Post # 6
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Technically they are the same thing. Having a wedding is the act of getting married and you can’t have one without the other, even though many people incorrectly insist that they are independent of each other. Even going to City Hall is a wedding and the government officials there agree. That said, you aren’t required in any way, shape, or form to have an elaborate wedding if that is outside of your budget and/or tastes. Have the wedding you can afford and that fits your tastes, and let everyone else do their own thing when it is their turn. Those who truly love you, won’t judge you. Whatever you decide is your choice as adults and you have the final say, No one, family included, has the right to guilt trip you into something you don’t want simply because it’s not something they would choose for themselves.

Post # 7
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I think the choice is 100% personal. I struggled with this as well, and like you we are HS sweethearts and like you we are both the oldest. For me it was knowing I could save up more money for a house or a vacation later, but We only get one chance for our wedding. I am a wedding person, and I knew I would regret it if I didn’t have the fancy wedding. One of my best friends however, only had the wedding because her husband’s family expected it, and her husband really wanted to. She had fun, and it was a nice wedding, but she said she could have done without.

It was really hard for me to shell out all of our money, cash out all our savings and eat PB&J for lunch every day for a year, but we got so good at saving money and the wedding was amazing, so I don’t regret it for a second.

No matter what you decide, make sure you and your fiance are sure it is what you want, then don’t look back!

Post # 8
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think the biggest thing is to figure out if you will regret it. Think about the years to come. Will you be sad… if you don’t have formal wedding pictures? will you regret it when you go to other peoples wedding? Make sure there is nothing you will regret. But if your feeling like you don’t want a big wedding… follow your gut. You could elope. Get married with just your immediate family at your family church. Go to mexico. City hall. Its definitely worth thinking about before you get too far into planning.


@Selene221 I disagree with your one statement. A wedding is not necessary in any way of getting married. Go done to city hall in your jeans with a marriage license and your married. A wedding is an event. Marriage is the commitment/sacrament. But its just a technicality. I shouldn’t get all knit picking about it.

Post # 9
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I completely understand where you’re coming from, and honestly, you really do have to take a lot into consideration.  I wanted to elope soooooo badly, but our families weren’t having it and as much as the WIC insists that it’s “your” day, rest assured it is not.  Your wedding day will mean something to those who know you and love you. 

Also, if it is you to celebrate with everyone you know and love, there are ways to do it without breaking the bank.  Dessert receptions.  Brunch receptions.  Both lovely, delicious options that don’t carry the price tag of the traditional dinner reception.  Best of luck!


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