Post # 1
I’d like to say I feel bad for feeling disappointed in my fiance’s proposal, but really I don’t. I just don’t want him to feel bad for disappointing me.
We really haven’t been together for very long I guess, just three years and we have a lovely son together. But he knows what I like, I’m not a shy girl that drops little hints about what I want. I make it very clear that I want specific things.
I did NOT want anything big and fancy, but I wanted something sweet and romantic that I could look back on and smile about. He knew that.
Well it was 2am and I had finally gotten our then 2 week old baby to sleep after pacing the floors with him screaming in my ear. My room was a wreck, and I could still smell baby spit up in my hair, and I was so tired I was practically falling asleep on my feet.
I layed the baby down and turned to walk away and saw my fiancé on both knees, surrounded by dirty clothes and right next to the diaper bin, with my dream engagement ring. He said “Want to get married?”.
I want to cry, and not from joy. I mean who wants to be proposed to in a filthy room at 2am while smelling of baby vomit?
I stared at him and he got nervous so I stiffly accepted and went to clean up and sleep.
I’ve been disappointed by this for a long time. And want to ask him if we can do over but don’t want to hurt his feelings. But I feel cheated I guess.
Should I ask or just try to move on?
Post # 2
hannahelizabella23: I think that asking for a do-over would be rude and insensitive. Maybe he realized then and there that there’s no one else he’d want to deal with life more than you. But if it really bothers you so much, I say go and calmly explain your feelings about it. I feel like if you’re going to keep this to yourself, perhaps you’ll regret it and resent him. Much luck!
Post # 3
hannahelizabella23: move on. That was your proposal. I think that’s more romantic than set up ones. He still wanted you to be his wife while you wear wearing baby sick and smelling if baby poi and looking like a zombie and in a messy room. He saw you at your worst and still freaking found you attractive and beautiful and asked you to marry him . that’s pretty darn special. X
Post # 4
He may have thought it was romantic because amidst all of the mess, a crying baby and you being a wreck, he still wants you. My ex husband really disappointed me with his proposal in McDonald’s parking lot, in his car. He didn’t get down his knee either. But later he revealed he parked in that very spot because it’s where he first met me in person.
I think that he did what he thought was sentimental and he would probably be hurt if you ask him for a do over. How is your relationship? Is he a good man and father? If it were me, I’d let it go. (P.S.-congrats on the baby AND the dream ring 🙂
Post # 5
hannahelizabella23: “and he loved me so much, that he proposed to me at 2AM in a messy room, while I was smelling of baby vomit”. I totally agree with the PP, are you kidding me, this is “for better or worse” right there! It doesn’t get any better than that in my eyes. So sad you can’t appreciate it.
Post # 6
Yes, move on. You sound like a brat. tell him if you must but good luck not being disappointed in the proposal you made him redo.
Post # 7
hannahelizabella23: I think you have to move on. I don’t really understand the concept of do-overs. That was your proposal. Was it what you wanted? No. But it is what you got. As others said, I would be trying to look at the positive and tell myself that even though I was covered in sick, dead on my feet and the house was a wreck, he still wants to spend the rest of his life with me as his wife.
Post # 8
The man who you love bought you your dream ring and asked you to spend the rest of your life with him. That sounds pretty romantic to me.
Do not ask for a do over. That’s basically saying “you know how you asked me to be your partner for life? Well without fireworks it really wasn’t good enough for me, so please do it again. “.
Post # 9
Although I find myself agreeing with prior posters who’ve noted that you received a proposal that was special to your current circumstances, I also can empathize with your feelings of having missed out on your vision of a special rite of passage that you’ve secretly dreamed about.
I think there is a path forward through this that will preserve your FI’s choice of proposal as the beautiful but “messy” story that it is while still allowing you to make a special memory that is more in keeping with what you desired in a proposal.
I would sit down with your Fiance and tell him how you feel, while being sure to validate him for his efforts in trying to make you happy during a particularly difficult episode in caring for your son. Tell him that, although it means a lot to you that he would choose one of life’s most realisic moments (one in which you felt messy and unattractive) during which to propose, that it would mean a great deal to you if he would seal that sentiment by planning a special, romantic night out for the two of you in which he reiterates his love for you and desire to spend the rest of his life with you. Tell him that, although you’ll always cherish that moment at 2 a.m. with baby spit-up in your hair, that you would also like to have a “cleaned-up” moment where you can feel special and hear him express the sentiments that he professed at home in that messy room.
Post # 10
Honestly I think it was very sweet, look around you, yes you see a mess, what that tells me that he loves you for better or worse. It don’t matter to him the surroundings , he loves you, the mother of his child. You should be grateful.
Post # 11
Thing is this isn’t just your proposal. There is another person involved here. Someone who made a romantic gesture. I’m sorry but if you wanted a dream proposal then you should have planned it and proposed to him. If not then it was up to him to decide how it was delivered.
Post # 12
I’m usually in favour of honest open communication in a relationship, but IMO this is one of the rare instances I would recommend not saying anything and do your best to get over it.
HE put you first. As others have said he saw you tired and covered in baby-spit up in a room full of new-baby chaos- and he thought ‘this is my family, this is the woman I want to be my wife forever’.
But you’re putting yourself first too, that you would even contemplate hurting his feelings with ridiculous notions of a ‘do-over’ just so you can have a ‘proposal story’ ideal to share. This is the man you love Bee, the father of your child, if you tell him his proposal isn’t good enough he will never forget that, even if he agrees to go along with your ‘do-over’, and it will forever tarnish his memory of the day he got down on his knees and asked you to be his bride, only to learn later that it wasn’t good enough for you.
Post # 13
I think the Lifetime channel and Pinterest have created such unrealistic expectations for contrived, over-the-top proposals that even though the man you love could see past the mess, the tiredness, everything to get down on his knees, declare his love for you, ask you to spend the rest of your life with him, and present you with your dream ring (!) it still wasn’t good enough.
Don’t ask for a do-over. Shop for a special outfit, get a manicure, schedule a babysitter, plan a romantic dinner to celebrate your engagement, and make that part of your story. Congratulations.
Post # 14
thumperbear: Uncalled for.
I agree that you should move on though. 100%. Try to see the good in it, and focus on the quality of the relationship over the one proposal.
Post # 15
As others have said, I think that’s absolutely romantic. True love right there. And you say you got your dream ring too!
Anyone can look fancy and glamorous with a big poofy proposal – but your guy is loving you and presenting you with jewels when you’re right down in the thick of feeling ultimately yukky and unfaciable in the middle of day to day drudge.
now I can imagine you just want to look pretty and feel all hearts and flowers around it and that hard to do in that moment you described. Why not tell him you’d love a meal out with your friends and family to celebrate. get a sitter, dress up for it and bask in your little moment of romance and flash your ring around?
Maybe you just need a little bit of romancing the way you like to feel it. But don’t be down on your proposal. As proposals go that’s deeply profound and loving.