(Closed) Get over it or tell him what I want?

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

hannahelizabella23:  I think that asking for a do-over would be rude and insensitive. Maybe he realized then and there that there’s no one else he’d want to deal with life more than you. But if it really bothers you so much, I say go and calmly explain your feelings about it. I feel like if you’re going to keep this to yourself, perhaps you’ll regret it and resent him.  Much luck!

Post # 3
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

hannahelizabella23:  move on. That was your proposal. I think that’s more romantic than set up ones. He still wanted you to be his wife while you wear wearing baby sick and smelling if baby poi and looking like a zombie and in a messy room. He saw you at your worst and still freaking found you attractive and beautiful and asked you to marry him . that’s pretty darn special. X

Post # 4
Member
34 posts
Newbee

He may have thought it was romantic because amidst all of the mess, a crying baby and you being a wreck, he still wants you. My ex husband really disappointed me with his proposal in McDonald’s parking lot, in his car. He didn’t get down his knee either. But later he revealed he parked in that very spot because it’s where he first met me in person. 

I think that he did what he thought was sentimental and he would probably be hurt if you ask him for a do over. How is your relationship? Is he a good man and father? If it were me, I’d let it go. (P.S.-congrats on the baby AND the dream ring 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

hannahelizabella23:  “and he loved me so much, that he proposed to me at 2AM in a messy room, while I was smelling of baby vomit”. I totally agree with the PP, are you kidding me, this is “for better or worse” right there! It doesn’t get any better than that in my eyes. So sad you can’t appreciate it.

Post # 6
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Yes, move on. You sound like a brat. tell him if you must but good luck not being disappointed in the proposal you made him redo. 

Post # 7
Hostess
9063 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

hannahelizabella23:  I think you have to move on. I don’t really understand the concept of do-overs. That was your proposal. Was it what you wanted? No. But it is what you got. As others said, I would be trying to look at the positive and tell myself that even though I was covered in sick, dead on my feet and the house was a wreck, he still wants to spend the rest of his life with me as his wife.

Post # 8
Member
4095 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

The man who you love bought you your dream ring and asked you to spend the rest of your life with him. That sounds pretty romantic to me. 

Do not ask for a do over. That’s basically saying “you know how you asked me to be your partner for life? Well without fireworks it really wasn’t good enough for me, so please do it again. “.

Post # 9
Member
11482 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Although I find myself agreeing with prior posters who’ve noted that you received a proposal that was special to your current circumstances, I also can empathize with your feelings of having missed out on your vision of a special rite of passage that you’ve secretly dreamed about.

I think there is a path forward through this that will preserve your FI’s choice of proposal as the beautiful but “messy” story that it is while still allowing you to make a special memory that is more in keeping with what you desired in a proposal.

I would sit down with your Fiance and tell him how you feel, while being sure to validate him for his efforts in trying to make you happy during a particularly difficult episode in caring for your son. Tell him that, although it means a lot to you that he would choose one of life’s most realisic moments (one in which you felt messy and unattractive) during which to propose, that it would mean a great deal to you if he would seal that sentiment by planning a special, romantic night out for the two of you in which he reiterates his love for you and desire to spend the rest of his life with you. Tell him that, although you’ll always cherish that moment at 2 a.m. with baby spit-up in your hair, that you would also like to have a “cleaned-up” moment where you can feel special and hear him express the sentiments that he professed at home in that messy room.

Post # 10
Member
1651 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly I think it was very sweet, look around you, yes you see a mess, what that tells me that he loves you for better or worse. It don’t matter to him the surroundings , he loves you, the mother of his child. You should be grateful.

Post # 11
Member
8992 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Thing is this isn’t just your proposal. There is another person involved here. Someone who made a romantic gesture. I’m sorry but if you wanted a dream proposal then you should have planned it and proposed to him. If not then it was up to him to decide how it was delivered. 

Post # 12
Member
5816 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m usually in favour of honest open communication in a relationship, but IMO this is one of the rare instances I would recommend not saying anything and do your best to get over it.

HE put you first. As others have said he saw you tired and covered in baby-spit up in a room full of new-baby chaos- and he thought ‘this is my family, this is the woman I want to be my wife forever’.

But you’re putting yourself first too, that you would even contemplate hurting his feelings with ridiculous notions of a ‘do-over’ just so you can have a ‘proposal story’ ideal to share. This is the man you love Bee, the father of your child, if you tell him his proposal isn’t good enough he will never forget that, even if he agrees to go along with your ‘do-over’, and it will forever tarnish his memory of the day he got down on his knees and asked you to be his bride, only to learn later that it wasn’t good enough for you.

Post # 13
Member
6940 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think the Lifetime channel and Pinterest have created such unrealistic expectations for contrived, over-the-top proposals that even though the man you love could see past the mess, the tiredness, everything to get down on his knees, declare his love for you, ask you to spend the rest of your life with him, and present you with your dream ring (!) it still wasn’t good enough. 

Don’t ask for a do-over. Shop for a special outfit, get a manicure, schedule a babysitter, plan a romantic dinner to celebrate your engagement, and make that part of your story. Congratulations.

Post # 14
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee

thumperbear:  Uncalled for.

I agree that you should move on though. 100%. Try to see the good in it, and focus on the quality of the relationship over the one proposal.

Post # 15
Member
6269 posts
Bee Keeper

As others have said, I think that’s absolutely romantic. True love right there. And you say you got your dream ring too! 

Anyone can look fancy and glamorous with a big poofy proposal – but your guy is loving you and presenting you with jewels when you’re right down in the thick of feeling ultimately yukky and unfaciable in the middle of day to day drudge. 

now I can imagine you just want to look pretty and feel all hearts and flowers around it and that hard to do in that moment you described. Why not tell him you’d love a meal out with your friends and family to celebrate. get a sitter, dress up for it and bask in your little moment of romance and flash your ring around?

Maybe you just need a little bit of romancing the way you like to feel it. But don’t be down on your proposal. As proposals go that’s deeply profound and loving. 

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