(Closed) Get over it or tell him what I want?

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 16
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

there are no do overs. Move on. You can be dressed and everything can be perfect at the wedding. 

Post # 17
9089 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TBH, he saw you at your worst, still thought you were beautiful, and you make him want to marry you.

That’s romantic if I get a say.


I don’t think asking him for a redo is a good idea — it’s insensitive and rude. At the end of the day, this man loves you so much that he wants to make it that he’ll either have to divorce you or die to get away from you. That’s pretty incredible.

Post # 18
4238 posts
Honey bee


You did NOT want anything big and fancy, but wanted something sweet and romantic to look back on and smile about.

^ Your words. 

RobbieAndJuliahaha:  +1. Open, honest communication is best but this would be one instance that I’d chalk up to life and move on. Unless it was festering and affecting our relationship. Then I’d apologize to him that I was struggling to accept that we skipped a dinner out to celebrate our commitment.

Just my $0.02.


Post # 19
1352 posts
Bumble bee

doglovingwife:  He still wanted you to be his wife while you wear wearing baby sick and smelling if baby poi and looking like a zombie and in a messy room. He saw you at your worst and still freaking found you attractive and beautiful and asked you to marry him . that’s pretty darn special.

That was my first thought too. I think your priorities are a bit skewed, OP – maybe because of newborn craziness you’re going through, you wanted something fancy and different, and can’t realise how fricking romantic that proposal was. Enjoy your new FI!

Post # 20
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

It’s done now. Try to find time to celebrate your engagement when you feel more human. He maybe didn’t understand how exhausted you felt and just saw the mother of his child with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life. 

Post # 21
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

hannahelizabella23:  Ask him if he would like to go somewhere and celebrate.And find a baby sitter for the night, it will never be romantic otherwise.

Post # 22
680 posts
Busy bee

I’m going to go against everyone else and say that you should tell him that you were disappointed and want a do over. The way he proposed doesnt sound romantic or thoughtful or like he put any effort in it at all. I don’t blame you for being upset.

Post # 23
75 posts
Worker bee

To be honest I get why the OP is bummed. We spend so much time looking for a dress for the wedding, planning everything about it and leaving nothing to chance, spending thousands on food, catering, venue, photographers etc because we want it to be special. We want to look our best and always remember how amazing the moment was. We don’t show up to our wedding in our everyday comfy home clothes, do we?

likewise the OP wanted her proposal to be special and could enjoy it, not when she was tired and covered in baby spit. it doesn’t matter that it’s real and gritty. It’s just not romantic. Would everyone say it’s romantic if he proposed while she was sitting on the bowl having a shit just cos he looked at her and loved her even though they were surrounded by her poo smell??

so to everyone who says it was romantic, uh, no. It really wasn’t. I’m not talking fireworks or skywriting but really, there is a right time and place and mood for something as important as a proposal (as a milestone in the relationship) and her Fiance missed that entirely.

But then again, a do-over won’t change anything because it’s fake and the Fiance will just feel bad about it. OP just has to accept that it wasn’t what she wanted and move on. 

Post # 24
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

That’s one of the most beautiful proposals I’ve heard. Paris. On the Eiffel Tower. With a perfect red lip…..can’t top that for me.

Post # 25
5025 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I don’t believe in do overs.  I think women put too much emphasis on a magical proposal.  What’s magical is the commitment your SO is making to you in that moment, whether surrounded by dirty clothes or in the middle of a flash mob.

Post # 26
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

There are no do overs for proposals.   It happened. A retry would be fake.  This man is not living in a play where he has keep redoing key moments trying to get things just right.  I agree with pps, go out to dinner and have a nice celebration.  Look forward to a nice  wedding (probably not expensive post baby? ) and nice anniversaries. At some point we must realize that the man in our life is not a projection of our dreams.

Post # 27
1290 posts
Bumble bee

I get it. It doesn’t sound like an ideal scenario but unfortunately a do over won’t change the past and I think it will just hurt your Fiance feelings while also still not really fulfilling what you originally envisioned. I agree with PP to try and do something special to celebrate your engagement. 

Post # 28
6290 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I really do not understand ‘re-do’s’ of propoals. He proposed; you accepted; you are engaged. It is that simple. You cannot ‘re-do’ that, and I think even if he did, you would still feel the same, as it simply would not be your actual proposal.

I would keep schtum. I can’t see how asking him to re-do it will improve anything, it will just hurt him.

Post # 29
2452 posts
Buzzing bee

I cannot think of anything more romantic, or sweet, or charming, or delightful. 

Don’t “get over it” – that implies you have something to “get over”.

Cherish it for its charm, its sweetness, its uniqueness, its surprise, its loveliness at honoring at the same time both YOU and the wonderful, Blessed gift of your child.

I have not read a single post here, and I don’t care a whit about what one other person has thought, because my dear, YOU ARE CHERISHED by a man who doesn’t think of cliches when he thinks of what your love means to him.

You are one VERY LUCKY WOMAN. After a good night’s sleep, I dearly hope you can appreciate what that means!!!!!!!!

Post # 30
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Friendship Plaza

All of the above. But, let me say, I can understand your disappointment. While you can’t help feeling the way you do, mindset is everything. You can shift your perspective as you move forward.

I think you should suggest going out to celebrate or discussing engagement pictures. Don’t couch it iin terms of ‘this wasn’t’ the proposal I really wanted’.. NO. Don’t mention it. I know it’s going to be one of the hardest things you’ve done. You’ve got to take your feelings on it and turn them around, because it will hurt him. And it’s not worth it.

You can begin a conversation with, “Thank you {name}, for not making me wait to ask me to get married. I love that you ‘got’ how important rituals are to me. I’m excited for us to plan our next. I’m thinking that we could do pictures at {xyz}….”


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