(Closed) Get over it or tell him what I want?

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 46
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

hannahelizabella23:  here is a nother way to look at it.  Even at two in the morning with a screaming baby, a filthy house a and you looking a wreck he thought ” I want to spend the rest of my life here with her”. I actually think it is very sweet and real, life is messy. Just my two cents.

Post # 47
Member
543 posts
Busy bee

I didnt even know people re-do their proposals… What’s the point of that? I feel like a re-do would take away the meaning of a proposal. Get over it. It may not have been your dream fairytale (unrealistic) idea of a proposal but I think the way he proposed was romantic just as PPs have stated.

Post # 48
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Haha, do over. 

 

Women put waaaayyyyy too much focus into the trivial parts of proposals and weddings and marriage. (Some)

A proposal is the man you love and see spending the rest of your life with, acknowledging that he too loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you and asking you if you will be by his side forever. THAT is special. THAT is from the heart. THAT is meaningful. The fact that your best friend is proposing. Not HOW it’s done. Poor men. So much pressure to ask such a heartfelt important life changing question in “the perfect way”. Did you ever think of his feelings? How crushed he must have been when you hesitated, begrudgingly said yes, and then went on to finish cleaning? He loves you. Among all the chaos and mess, he wants this forever. Through sleepless messy spit up nights and in between. Maybe he felt him asking right then and there when mom’s sometimes feel like they’ve had enough, would be a little ray of sunshine for you at 2am. I think it’s beautiful. Maybe he was so enamored with you in that moment, seeing the strength and the superwoman qualities of the mother of his child, he just couldn’t contain himself. I think you’re the one that needs to do a “do over”. Move on, leave it in the past, but now act excited and happy and tell him how happy you are, how much you love him, and how you were just caught up in being cranky from a stressful night. I would NEVER want a do over, a planned fake proposal, over what your man chose to do for you. THAT was real life. There’s going to be a lot of real life in marriage. 

Post # 49
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I get it. My husband didn’t plan a very romantic proposal.  He didn’t ask my parents’ permission (I expressed this was important to me) and didn’t get down on one knee. He proposed in our bedroom, in the dark, with my cousin (who was staying with us from out of town) downstairs in the living room.  

What did I get from that proposal?  My absolute dream ring from my absolute dream man.  If (and only if) you have absolute rockstar communication– take a time to let him know about the disappointment.  We do and I did.  I did not ask for a do-over but I did let him know that I was expecting something different and was disappointed.  Not all men get or understand that there even is a notion of a fairytale dream happening that we as women sometimes dream of our whole lives.  I don’t wear my ring to sleep and take it off when I’m bathing / changing our baby so I don’t scratch him.  Now, every now and then when my husband sees my ring off of my hand, he will pick it up, get down on one knee and ask me to marry him.  Silly, I know.  It’s become such a cute inside joke between us.  But I have to say, 2.5 years after the actual proposal, it melts my heart every time and it doesn’t get anymore romantic than that.  

Post # 50
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I really feel bad for men. There’s no winning in this crazy world of $20K rings and YT proposals. SMDH.

 

Post # 51
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I actually think your proposal was romantic and sweet.  A do over doesn’t make sense.  He proposed, you can’t take that back and redo!  It would be fake and staged if you asked him to repropose.  Plus you said you got your dream ring.

 I think you need to look at this differently and get over it.  I would not say anything to him, it would be hurtful and pointless

Post # 52
Member
331 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think we’re gonna get a response here ladies. We aren’t telling her what she wants to hear.

Post # 53
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I get it. You’re tired, you feel disgusting, this isn’t how you pictured feeling when you got engaged. However, look at the big picture: you’re getting MARRIED!!! You got your dream ring! Start thinking about that romantic wedding instead of the underwhelming (in your eyes) proposal. And definitlely don’t bring it up to him asking for a do-over. 

Post # 54
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way Bee.  I think that a few posters have been a bit harsh…  I think its okay that you feel a little underwhelmed with your proposal.  I would imagine that as a new mom (and both of you as new parents), things have been very new and pretty tough.  I think it makes sense that you hoped for something that focused on you as a couple.  

I do agree though, that you shouldn’t ask for a do-over or mention to him that you feel disapointed.  In the long run, that proposal will be so much more meaningful because it happened the way it did. And as a few others said, he wants to marry you even after a hard night and baby spit up, which is romantic in its own way. 🙂

What would you think about doing an “engagement celebration” sort of thing just the two of you?  Maybe you could say something to your fiance along the lines of “I’m so excited to be engaged, and I would really like to have an evening (morning, afternoon etc.) just the two of us so we can celebrate!”  Then the two of you could do something that’s meaningful to you guys! For my Fiance and I, its always going to a nice restaurant together, but maybe for you guys it could be going for a walk and bringing a blanket and some hot chocolate (or a sparkling beverage) and toasting your engagement together.  You could get dressed up and have a romantic little date.  Then you could also include that in the story you tell if you wanted.  “He was so sweet and proposed to me in our home; I was so suprised! Then we went out together a few days later and celebrated. I’m really excited!”

Good luck with everything Bee

Post # 55
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think a do over would be extremely silly! I get where your coming from though because my proposal was not how I imagined in MY mind, however  I realize now that a proposal is really NOT that important in the grand scheme of things… and like others have said Pinterest has made it SO unrealistic for girls it’s actually kinda sad how girls get when girls don’t get a “fantasy proposal”… As for me I told my now husband how I wish he would had put a lil more thought into it and he quickly said he would do it over and I just remember thinking how silly that sounded to me lol.. Like who does that?!? so luckly the wedding kept us soooo busy that I completely forgot about the proposal and now I don’t even think about it unless something reminds me of it, like this post.. I say let him know how you feel just to get it out of your chest, and move on! And don’t ask for a do over, cuz that’s just ridiculous and if you still feel like he still needs to make up for it, why don’t you guys throgh a VERY sexy and romantic engagement party?!? If I would have had the money I wou have done this. Otherwise I’m sure planning your wedding will overwhelm you to the point that the proposal will quickly become a faint memory! Good luck girl. 

Post # 56
Member
2754 posts
Sugar bee

Ask for a re-do ONLY if you want to hurt his feelings.

Post # 57
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

mrstmcd:  That is such a smart and lovely idea! This gets the fun and excitement without stepping on anyone’s toes or hurting anyone’s feelings. 

Post # 58
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

mangosandcats:  how? She asked, I answered truthfully. 

the guy got her her dream ring and proposed and she’s complaining that she wants a do over, I think that makes her a brat, sorry. 

Post # 59
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

I am wondering if OPs wedding doesn’t play out like she has always dreamed will she want a do-over?  Guess what?  Life doesn’t always go according to plan or how we have always dreamed it would.  So instead of focusing on the negatives, focus on the positives.  I think we would all be a lot happier and less stressed if we did.

Post # 60
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

He proposed to you at your worst that says it all.  Check out the waiting threads as bees go nuts waiting for their guys to propose and realise how lucky you are.  He sounds great! congratulations on your engagement, your dream ring (post a pic please) and your baby. 

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