(Closed) Get over it or tell him what I want?

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 61
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Awww, I’m sorry this one made me tear up!! Maybe you just don’t realize how special it was yet. To him, that was the perfect moment. He saw you in all your mommy glory and felt compelled. That is SO special. You don’t see it in your current sleep deprived state I am sure – I was there just a little over a year ago and probably would have felt the same way at the time. However, I promise you a year from now, you will look back on this and smile and probably cry, because the baby time goes SO quickly, you blink and those moments are gone.  Just relax, to him that was the perfect moment. Be flattered your mommying inspired him so much ๐Ÿ™‚ and congratulations.

Post # 62
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This is why it drives me bonkers when people post pictures of their proposal moment (like – exact moment of the man on one knee and the girl with her *shocked* face). First of all, I wonder how many people staged that moment for the picture (a fake re-do like you’re asking for). It doesn’t seem genuine to me. These people also obviously have at least one other person with them to “capture the moment” in a picture. Personally, I think asking someone to marry you and spend your life together should be a private, intimate moment just like you had. It shows that it’s genuine and raw and all about the emotion and promise you’re making to each other. Posting on facebook and filming the proposal, some grand scheme plotted for months and done (sometimes) in front of a huge group of people takes away the sincerity of the intent behind proposing (in my opinion). I would much rather have your proposal story than a grand “He took me to the eiffle tower and fireworks went off and everyone cheered and a secret photographer was hiding in the bushes to capture the moment” proposal story any day.

If you want him to propose to you so you have some fancy story to tell and pictures to show everyone else, then you want him to propose for the wrong reasons. If you want him to propose so you can spend the rest of your life with him, then you got exactly that.

I promise you, when you’re old and gray and looking back on your lives together, this moment will be one of happiness, not resentment. Try to look at the big picture.

Post # 63
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

When I was engaged to my ex, I actually did get a do over proposal.  Not because I asked, but because he got me a new ring (long story) and decided to propose again.  Guess what – I hated the do over.  It felt contrived and fake. 

I get that it wasn’t the perfect moment you were looking for, but for whatever reason, he decided that it was the perfect moment.  From the sounds of it, it came from his heart, at a time when he was probably had so much emotion that he had to ask you then and there and not wait another minute.

That’s a true, heartfelt proposal.  I wish you could see it the way we see it.  I would NOT say anything to him.  These poor guys can’t win.

Post # 64
Member
3540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I think your proposal story was beautiful. Like pps have stated, he still wanted to marry you even with baby spit up in your hair. And he may also have seen how hard of a time you were having and wanted to do something to make you smile and cement your family together. 

 

Post # 65
Member
3540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

ohhsnap:  your proposal story is the stuff rom coms are made of ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Post # 66
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

My mom and dad got engaged over an ironing board because my mom was having problems with her ovaries, and if she didn’t get pregnant soon to fix her hormones, than she ran the risk of never getting pregnant. So, they decided to get married while ironing, so that I could be born.

There was no ring, no formal proposal, and no asking for her father’s permission. But you know what? They had a wonderful wedding and two daughters as a result. My sister and I actually love the story of the proposal, because now it’s funny, and very uniquely “them”. 

It doesn’t matter *how* he asked, but that he *did* ask. Fancy or not, you’ll still always remember it forever.

Post # 70
Member
3113 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I understand the societal pressure to have this picture perfect life we see on social media, but you have to understand that so much of that is exaggerated and/or staged. There is no perfect moment, and like another poster mentioned, it’s not just your moment, it’s his too. Have you asked him why he chose that moment to propose (in a non judgemental manner)? He may surprise you with his response. 

Post # 71
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I get that you feel underwhelmed over his proposal but maybe you could think of it as a great story to tell your son when he gets older. ‘Your daddy loved me and you so much that we wanted us to be together forever!’ I think you just need some time for it to sink in ๐Ÿ˜Š There are going to be many celebrations in your life and your family’s. Congrats to you in both your new baby and engagement! Wishing you lots of continued happiness! ๐Ÿ˜Š

Post # 72
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I can see why you would be upset over the proposal, it’s certainly not how I’ve dreamed of being proposed to. I think the important thing to remember is that even if you do a ‘do-over’ it doesn’t change when he first proposed, it only changes the story you get to tell people. I truly believe the story you have now is a beautiful one full of forever love. Why not ask your Fiance if you can go for a special dinner and an outing, just the two of you, to celebrate your engagement instead?

Post # 73
Member
1862 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

hannahelizabella23:  its the internet. You asked a bunch of random strangers for their opinion, I gave you mine and I stand by what I said.

If you get easily offended maybe this isn’t the place to vent for you (I say that in the nicest way possible) surely you knew that your post was going to get mixed opinions. 

And I’ll explain more why your post annoyed me so much – in your own words you got your dream ring and to at least 90% of the people who responded thought – a gorgeous proposal. Not that you were to know but this kind of entitlement is one of my pet peeves, you are prepared to hurt your lovely fiance because his proposal wasn’t good enough for you. Why would he want to ‘redo’ a proposal that you are essentially going to plan and hurt his feelings in the process?

 

Post # 74
Member
5846 posts
Bee Keeper

hannahelizabella23:  This is a safe place to talk about your feelings, you’ve just misunderstood this as meaning a place where no-one criticizes you. How truly, truly awful it would be for you if no-one criticized the notion of a do-over. Here you are, a brand new overwhelmed mom seeking advice. IMO the vast majority of posters here have tried to tell you how truly special and lovely your proposal actually was, how bad of an idea asking for a do-over is. This is meant to help you Bee, not kick you when you’re feeling down. Because I for one honestly believe you would regret this, big-time. There is no way asking for a do-over won’t crush his feelings, if you realize this belatedly you can apologize over and over again but you won’t be able to un-do saying it and it will forever tarnish your proposal memory. He’ll be left hurt and offended. You’ll wish so much you’d never asked for a do-over.

As others have mentioned, a year from now you’ll look back and realize how truly special your proposal was, that your guy saw you in mommy-mode with your newborn and his heart melted at the sight and he didn’t want to wait another moment for you to become a family. What a lovely, lovely proposal. You will be so very glad you didn’t say anything to hurt your fiance’s feelings or spoil the memory of a proposal you’ll come to cherish.

 

Post # 75
Member
5846 posts
Bee Keeper

p.s. Also wanted to point out that blunt advice is not necessarily meant unkindly. And it can be extremely helpful & eye opening. If I mentioned to people around me that I wanted a do-over proposal, I might get some kind and well thought out replies discouraging me from doing it, I might get one or two people who would commisserate with me and say how much they sympathized with me and how much I deserved a re-do (which would seemingly be very supportive, but could ultimately hurt me with well meant but truly bad advice). Then there would be my sister who loves me and who sugarcoats nothing & whose blunt honest advice is always meant with my best interests in mind. This would be my sister:

 

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