(Closed) getting a bit frustrated with a bridemaid… ughh!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@whitediamond: Have you offered to take her out and just chat? Or have her over to your house for a girls night?

It sounds like she’s having a really hard time financially and is probably very stressed out because of it.

Sounds like she needs support of a sincere friend right now.

Post # 4
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe try to talk to her and tell her that if being in your wedding is too much of a burden you would understand. It sounds like she has a lot of personal problems, and being in your wedding may just be too much of a committment for her. If that’s the case you don’t need someone as part of your day that does not want to be there. Less drama for you in the end.

Post # 5
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

@whitediamond:  You need to cut this girl some slack.  If she is having serious issues in her life that’s a little more important than your wedding day.  As Kat said, she needs a friend who will listen and support her.  This comment just sounds so heartless “But don’t come and talk to me and bring my happy thoughts with my wedding plannings down.”

Also.. your bridesmaids all got together and bought you a joint bday present?  That seems a little strange to me.  She may have been peer pressured into something she couldn’t afford.  And it’s one thing if it’s a shower or a bachelorette party, but paying towards a joint bday present isn’t exactly an expected expense when you sign up to be a bridesmaid.

Post # 6
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have to agree with Moose1209  you are being a bit harsh on your bridesmaid. 

Post # 7
Member
46606 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Friendship is a two way street. Are you being her friend right now?

Yes, it’s a bit of a downer to listen to someone’s woes when you are in the blissful wedding planning stage, but maybe if you reached out to her, she would feel supported and wouldn’t feel the need to air her issues all the time.

Post # 8
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I really don’t know what people are looking for when they post vents like this. Like, do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Or, is this seriously the way you feel?

Post # 9
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Moose1209: as in every thread, I really agree with Moose.

As her friend, I think you need to cut her more slack and understand how incredibly stressful her financial and personal situation must be. She should be your friend first, and your bridesmaid second, IMO.

Post # 10
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Moose1209: I also don’t really understand the “joint birthday present” with he other bridesmaids.

OP it is great that you are being so generous with your bridesmaids, but it really sounds like this girl is struggling and needs friendly support.

Post # 11
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I KNOW for sure there are a lot of other pent up things that have happened with the Bridesmaid or Best Man besides what you listed.  It sounds like you’ve reached the limit at this point with her.  I think it’s really nice of you to pay for nearly their entire look for your wedding.       

In being honest here, I too can relate to your feelings.  I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man that I have unpleasant feelings for.  There was *built-up* hurt from hurtful things said/done by her in the past & the hurtful things she said to me some time after I asked her to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man.  [She said that I’m pretty much continuing to live like a “robot” by cont. w/ my career, getting married and settling down (Hello?!  At some pt., I have to throw away my kid dream of being an actress & moving to Cali.)  My dreams changed when I met my FI].  After hearing her explanation of WHY i was all of those things (to which she offered no advice or encouragement-i might add) and clearly seeing her heart for what it was.. I let her know that she hurt me deeply and let it be known to her that from the things she said about me, that I realized how little she REALLY knew me.  

So, because of that and (so much more) I am VERY sensitive to all that she says/does to me.  I know that if my wedding weren’t approaching .. I’d probably overlook her faults like I’ve always done in the past & simply accept her for the GOOD that I do see in her.

It really depends on whether or not you WANT her to remain in your life or not.  If you cut her out of your bridal party.. that could end your friendship entirely. 

I’ve opted to simply accept my BM’s faults, current situation & NOT retaliate her cruelty with equally harsh words, because all in all.. I care for her and truly do want to see her happy in life (maybe one day we’ll both look back and laugh about it all).  I’ve just changed/adapted really my expectations for her.  For now, I’ve chosen to guard my heart a bit with her and not share with her as much as I share about myself with my other BMs.  Hopefully, as we both continue on with our own lives.. our friendship will blossom into something beautiful and even stronger because of what we went through and because WE NEVER LET GO OF EACH OTHER’S HAND.  

…i’m nearly in tears here because it takes a lot to get to this state-of-mind.  Sometimes I get weak and want to just cut her from my life, so that I can be at peace and surround myself with loving/encouraging people.  I’m not a PERFECT person, so why should I expect her to be perfect all of the time?  I believe people mature at different rates.

I suppose the bigger question is.. would you like for her to remain in your life?

I really hope it works out for you both.  Let us know what you decided on! 

Post # 13
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

wow, maybe there is more to this story then you are telling us.  i hope so!

 

 

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