(Closed) Getting a ring vs. Proposal

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 32
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

For me, the traditional proposal story was too, one-sided?  My guy goes out and buys an expensive item then comes to me asking for me to be with him forever and that’s it?  No, I’d rather make that decision together, and buy each other a commenorative gift instead.  He got me a ring I picked out, I got him a watch he picked out.  And it was the best πŸ™‚


Post # 33
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@stephee:  I really think that was an awesome idea!

Post # 34
409 posts
Helper bee

@missamysmiles:  I’m right there with ya! When I started reading the boards here I thought the same thing. I find it odd because it doesn’t suit ME but to each their own. I also gave my fiancé examples what I liked and then we moved on until he proposed with the ring he chose for me. 

I also think helping out and picking the ring is more of a modern practice. I’m a bit more traditional and do like that sense of romance and “mystery” πŸ˜‰

Post # 35
47 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

I got proposed to with a ring the first time and had no intention of changing the ring and got proposed to without a ring the second time (different guy) bc he decided he had to marry me and found out first hand howhard it is to find a size 5 engagement ring that doesn’t have to be sized. He even went and withdrew a bunch of money from his account to buy the ring (I work for the bank and he didn’t want me to know he used his card haha) and was planning to propose the next week. When he couldn’t find a size 5 he decided he couldn’t wait any longer to propose to me and did it that night and the next night we sat down and looked at rings online that were already the right size and I picked a much cheaper ring than he thought he was gonna spend and he went back and deposited the money back in his account and I wouldn’t change my ring for anything in the world

Post # 36
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My husband and I did the engagement thing a little different than most people. We had a mature rational converstation where we decided that we wanted to get married. It was a mutual decision. Then we went and looked at rings together and I picked out what I wanted. The day that it came in my husband came home and told me he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me and asked if I would marry him. I knew the ring was coming in that day and I knew that he was proposing. This worked perfectly for us. I hate surprises. And I just don’t understand why people are willing to spend 10k dollars on a piece of jewlery and have no idea if their girlfriend will even like it. To me that seems odd.

People are just different. I’m sure you think the way we did things were odd, too. But honestly with people spending more and more on rings, I think the way we did it will start to be more and more common.

Post # 37
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m with you. I love the tradition of waiting for the proposal, he gets down on one knee, ring in hand. My Fiance had asked me a couple years back about the type of ring I would want. I told him white gold or platinum and an emerald cut diamond. Last year, he gave me exactly what I had asked for – white gold ring with an emerald cut diamond. I loved it. He kept trying to convince me that it would have been perfect in rose gold, but I wasn’t completely sold. Fast forward to a few months ago and I now have an antique cushion in a custom yellow/rose gold setting. It’s absolutely perfect and I actually wear it more than I wear my emerald ring (which will be passed on to our childen in the way distant future lol). I don’t think I would have ever changed my ring without him being so convincing about rose gold. The man has good taste haha


Ps. I never got the down on one knee with the first proposal or the sweet second one. He was nervous the first time. I thought he was going to faint. The second time (I had not clue he was going to do this) we went for a weekend trip and when he asked for my hand I said, “Wait a sec, let me get this picture” haha


Post # 38
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@missamysmiles:  erm. what do you need help understanding??? I’m confused. Your level of involvement is more appropriate than somone else’s? I’m sensing a double standard here.

Who cares what anyone else does? We’re all on this redic forum.








Post # 39
2034 posts
Buzzing bee

@missamysmiles:  I get what you are saying, but my comment may not completely match.  I still think its worth saying:  I told my BF at one point that I was okay with a CZ ring.  I then told him that I am okay without a ring or even a wedding.  I do want these things for us, but, what I really want is the marriage.  Honestly…..pls no one hate me too much…but I just don’t open all the engagement stories or the ‘he got the ring when can i have it’ blah blah because it sorta brings me down too.  

Not everyone is waiting for the ring, some of us are ‘traditional’ waiting bees who are not involved in the process and I wouldn’t care what type of ring it is I would grow to love it anyway because it would be that special.  Good thread though.  It’s nice to know that not everyone cares about the ring!





Post # 40
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@This Time Round:  “Gone are the days of full-on surprise proposals…”

I have to disagree with this to some extent. πŸ™‚ I am no where near 50 and… My husband flew me on a surprise trip to a beautiful city, where we ate, visited a gorgeous museum, and he proposed to me on the steps of a cultural landmark that we both love! It was definitely a surprise and was sooo romantic!

When we returned we discovered that the ring was not structurally sound and literally fell apart! I was so heartbroken, but we ended up deciding to pick out another ring from a different vendor. I met him on his lunch break where I only had 15 minutes to pick out the new ring. Though, this was not my “ideal” ring, I chose it and proudly wore it for years, until we have our custom rings made. We are changing our rings for our upcoming anniversary.

So, I am one of those that had a romantic proposal, but problems with her ring, and are eventually going the custom route. I can definitely separate the proposal from the ring. Matterfact, a romantic proposal doesn’t even have to involve a ring. πŸ™‚

I think that the reason why we see a “change” in the way women view proposals and picking out rings is because of technology. 50 yrs ago, you couldn’t compare rings, vendors, styles, costs, etc. from tons of vendors online like you can today. This leaves brides with more options, whereas before, there was maybe 1-2 local jewelry stores available and the Fiance just went in and picked out a ring. Now that the options are almost unlimited, brides think of it as a special part of wedding/marriage planning- along with picking out their dress, or new home together, or choosing where to bank at, etc. It’s become a decision that couples like to do together, and if most men are like my hubby, I’m glad I’m chose my ring, because he doesn’t really know how to bargain shop! LOL!

I don’t really see the way couples do proposals now as “unromantic”, I just see it as a “couples” event, whereas before it was mainly a “men’s” event. πŸ™‚

Post # 41
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@missamysmiles:  you’re in the ring board.  So that’s usually the topic. Specs, design, stules, stones, sizing questions, maitenence questions etc. Sometimes bees post their proposal stories. I see them quite often. But There’s also a proposal board.  Which is where a lot of proposal talk happens.  

Post # 42
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@missamysmiles:  I’m kind of with you. I started subtly emailing ‘inspiration’ pics to my Fiance a few months before he proposed, and we discussed not spending a fortune on a ring, but I’m really glad he picked it out on his own. Every time I look at it, I think of how well he knows me. And he’s really proud of his choice, too. For me, it was a way to demonstrate how I trusted him. As it turns out, a month before I started e-mailing him the pics, he’d already bought me the perfect ring. Plus I got a really sweet proposal. πŸ™‚ Mind you, there is a whole board on the bee dedicated to proposals, so maybe that’s what you’re looking for?

Post # 43
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@chocolatejazz:  Gone are the days of full-on surprise proposals…

Forgive me, but you refer to one element in my entire post… an element that you took out of context.

I was talking about a Full-On Surprise Proposal being where the girl had no clue the guy was thinking marriage…

Gone are the days of full-on surprise proposals (ala Hollywood).  There was  a time when a guy & girl dated, didn’t talk about marriage much if at all…  and then the guy just decided he was head over heels in love and wanted to make  this girl his wife, went out and bought a ring and proposed.

Not the sort of surprise where the couple had previously talked marriage, and he just chose an occasion on which to surprise her with a ring.

Two different things.

I’m going to guess yours was the more modern version… and that the two of you had talked marriage long before his proposal (which By The Way sounds amazing and yes very romantic).

If I am wrong in my assumption… I’d sure like to hear more about the occasion, and how you didn’t see Marriage as being in the cards until he flew you out of town to propose.


Post # 45
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

In my case, my Fiance asked my input before picking out the ring. And it’s a good thing he did because we had very different ideas on what my dream e-ring would look like. I figured if I have to wear it the rest of my life, I better like it. And it’s the same way with his wedding band that I’m picking out and paying for. I want to know what he likes because he’ll be wearing it for forever.


Post # 46
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

As other PP have mentioned, there is the Proposal Boards and the Ring Boards. As many of us on here are obsessed with shiny things, we like to see shiny things.


I’m not sure exactly why it matters though. Like, why do you have to have an elaborate proposal? Other bees have said that they just bought a ring they liked and called it good. Why are you implying that having a grandeur proposal and then bragging about it matters? That seems just like bragging about your ring, doesn’t it?


I guess I can see where you initally were coming from but I don’t think you thought this argument out entirely. You are kind of insulting a lot of people on here right now just because we like to look at other rings and show ours off. Would it make you happier if we all posted pictures with our SO’s?




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@mousiegirl:  +1 It is a double standard. I agree.


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