(Closed) Getting Annoyed With Engagements After A Year or Less

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

I understand what you mean. I myself just got engaged after only a year, and I wouldn’t have wanted to wait 4 1/2 more. Have you talked to SO about how you feel?’

Also, like you said, everyone’s situation is different, and your time will come!

Post # 3
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee

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DancinDarlin:  Have you had an open candid conversation with your SO? Have you discussed a timeline?

Yes, it can be frustrating, but I would suggest focusing on your relationship and not focusing on other people’s relationships so much. There will always be another couple doing something at a faster or more “ideal” pace. Comparison is the thief of joy. 

ETA: FWIW, DH and I were together for over 10 years when we got married. I didn’t actually feel like I was waiting until the 8 1/2 year mark. At that point, we sat down and discussed our future. Fortunately, we agreed we were both ready for our relationship to move forward. He proposed a few months later. 

In the decade we dated before marriage, we saw many friends meet, marry, have kids and in some cases divorce at a much faster pace. For us, we have moved at our own pace and we are really happy where we are right now. 

Post # 5
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee

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DancinDarlin:  you’ve been with your boyfriend longer than a number of couples I know who have met,  got married and then got divorced.   You might not be married yet but your relationship is already more successful (if we’re using time as the only measurement which is kind of what your post is about) and know when you do get married you have a strong foundation. Me and my Fiance ggot engaged aftrr 4 years and living together. I’m glad we’re going in knowing each other so well.

Post # 6
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle

Every couple move at a different pace,depending also on age and life experiences.I know that for me,at 29 years old and with an almost 35 years old SO,I won’t wait more than a year or so.Certainly not 4 or 5.This would be my second marriage,and by now I know very well what marriage means and what I want from my life.If he doesn’t want to marry me within a time range that makes sense and leaves a little time to live life together and have kids before I get too old,then it simply won’t work.For other people priorities differ,and that’s perfectly fine. 

Post # 7
Member
2159 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I got engaged after about 8 months with  my husband.. everybody’s different. I understand how you feel because I’m frustrated at the moment – we’re trying to have a baby now and some people get pregnant on their 1st try, and we’ve been trying 5 months now with no luck. But you really can’t compare your relationship to other people’s relationships… focus on your own life and if you’re unhappy with it then do something to change that, but don’t focus on other people’s happiness instead of your own or you will never be happy yourself.

Post # 8
Member
9830 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Unfortunately it is really hard not to compare your relationship or what you have with those of other people or what other people have. I agree with PPs, every relationship moves at their own pace. I have felt some of what you’re feeling when I see all these women I went to school with or were friends with, get married after a much shorter engagement than I am having, or who got engaged well after us and got married well before us. Of course rationally I know we are having a super long engagement (probably 5 years+) for very good reasons, and that we couldn’t have an engagement as short as my friends’ (about the average 12-18 months), but I can’t help being a little resentful. In less than a month we will have been dating for 6 years and engaged for 3!

Post # 9
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
DancinDarlin:  I definitely know how you feel! My SO and I were 16 and 18 when we started dating, so we knew marriage would be quite a way away. We just had our 4 year anniversary.

I’ve seen a lot of people that I went to high school with marry people they hardly know! 6-8 weeks of dating before engagement in some cases! One of my close friends is marrying a guy in April and they will have been together for half as long as we have.

Everyone progresses differently and there is no right amount of time to date before engagement. Although in saying that, I really am a bit tired of waiting too 😛 I hope both our engagements come soon!

Post # 10
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

I don’t agree with people who say to “relax, because every relationship moves at a different pace, and it’s useless to compare yourself to others.”

I would agree with these people if your question read “my SO and I decided together that we want to wait 5 more years, but everyone else is getting engaged, are we ok?” Then the advice would be perfectly valid.

But it’s not. The problem isn’t that your relationship is moving at a different pace than your friends’ relationships. Your problem is that you are moving at a different pace than your partners WITHIN your relationship, and that is frustrating. He feels that it’s right to wait longer. You feel that it’s right to move ahead now. Your situation is not fair, you’re right, and it’s BS that his preferences should automatically overpower yours. I suggest you have a conversation to see if you can agree on a pace that works for both of you. Waiting, waiting, waiting isn’t the answer unless it makes you happy.. which it clearly doesn’t.

Wishing you good luck facing this directly.

Post # 11
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
DancinDarlin:  I agree with most of the replies that you need to have a candid conversation with your SO.  Social media makes these types of situations hard to not compare but as my SO constantly reminds me “control what you’re able to control”.  Have an open discussion and find out his intentions and what is going on. 

My younger sister has been dating her SO for 5.5 years (she’s 24) and has been promised that they will get on the marriage train and look at rings in 2016. It took multiple candid conversations between him and her about  their expectations and needs (not in a demanding way- just some things that are dealbreakers) to come up with a solid plan. I know it was a bit hard for her when I was engaged recently bc we’ve only been dating 2 years. We would have gotten engaged around the year mark but we weren’t ready to pay for a ring yet. 

Hang in there. Have that convo with him. I hope you work everything out! 

Post # 12
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
DancinDarlin:  I agree with you!  A girl I went to high school with got engaged over the summer.  Then in October, she posted something like, “One year ago today I met [her boyfriend’s name].”  An engagement after 6-7 months is FAST.

In my immediate circle of friends, it seems like three years is the magic number.  I have had four or five friends get engaged right around the time of their third anniversary.  I started dating my boyfriend when I was 19 and he was 20 so our 3-year would have been right after we graduated from college…obviously it didn’t happen.  We’ve been together over 5 years and he told me yesterday that it will be 6 months to a year.

Post # 13
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Nontra:  I suggest you have a conversation to see if you can agree on a pace that works for both of you. Waiting, waiting, waiting isn’t the answer unless it makes you happy.. which it clearly doesn’t.

 

+1

 

Bravo!

Post # 14
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Totally depends on so many things and every relationship is so different. My husband and I were together a little over a year when we got engaged and a weeks past 2 years when we were married. I’m 37 and he’s 43 and really what were we waiting for? If he hadn’t lost his job shortly after we started going out we would have been engaged before we were. My parents were married and had a baby on the way a year after they got together (mom was 40 and dad 44).

Talk to your SO about how you feel. My husband and I talked about marriage openly pretty early on and knew we were headed that way.

Post # 15
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Propose to him! It’s not a woman’s job to wait for a man to decide things anymore. 

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