(Closed) Getting Annoyed With Engagements After A Year or Less

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You just need to remember that other peoples engagements do not effect your relationship whatsoever. I know it stings to see it but it’s the truth. Honestly, we were engaged after 15 months I would criiiiinnnngggeeee when we’d have to tell people who had been together for years and years. The girls would have daggers in their eyes but ya know, it’s not like he asked me at the expense of their boyfriends asking them. And surely you know that too. 

Post # 17
Member
13801 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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DancinDarlin:  He’s  just 24-25 and you are 22-23. You aren’t even out of school. To me, it’s not only about number of years together, it’s about age and stage of life. While you should certainly have a sense that you are both in this for the long run, truthfully, I think you are being a bit unreasonable. 

Post # 18
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

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DancinDarlin:  It does nothing for you to compare your relationship to other relationships. Other people may be at a different place in life than you are, and you have no idea what it’s like to be inside that relationship. I’m not engaged yet, but it personally does not bother me when I see people together for less than a year getting engaged.

Post # 19
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

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MrsBuesleBee:  You just need to remember that other people’s engagements do not affect your relationship whatsoever.

Very wise words! Relationships are not races they are journeys. Wether you are happy with your journey together and where it is heading is more important than the time you have spent togather. That’s what I believe anyway. Apologies for the super cheesiness! I like cheese 😀 

Post # 20
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

Hmmm, and sorry for the typos. Clearly in a cheese coma.

Post # 21
Member
677 posts
Busy bee

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DancinDarlin:  I got engaged 9 months to the day I met my DH. Every couple is different. We were both ready to get married, if not we would have waited to get engaged. There is nothing wrong with people getting engaged within a year of dating, just like there is nothing wrong with waiting to get engaged. 

Post # 22
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida

 

DancinDarlin:  There are many factors people consider before getting engaged My Fiance and I got engaged a little after 1 year where as his Brother and Girlfriend have been dating over 7 years and she is very vocal about wanting to be married and getting engaged yet they are still just dating. My FIL’s were married within 1 year of meeting (and on their 40 year anniversary) so that just shows everyone is different even in the same family.

I would sit down with your BF and tell him how you feel and see if you can mutually agree on conditions behind getting married i.e. are you in sable jobs? Is one in school still? Are you where you want to live for a while? Do you have the means to save for a ring? Do you live together already? Things like that.

Post # 23
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

Comparing your relationship to others’ doesn’t work, though I TOTALLY relate to your feelings. But some couples feel ready to get engaged after a year – sometimes they’ve jumped the gun, sometimes they haven’t. Everyone lives their own timeline.

However, what you CAN do is communicate with your SO about your expectations, and find out what his or hers are. Do you have the same goals in regards to marriage, and life in general? Does he/she have a positive perspective on marriage, or is it something they’re unsure of? Do you think getting married will “fix” any problem you’re having? All these questions need to be seriously discussed between you, to see what your timeline is.

Post # 24
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Akron, OH

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DancinDarlin:  Just know you’re not alone. Most of us can probably agree that it’s frustrating seeing everyone else get what they want and you’re over here like .. “heyyyyy”. Just calm your nerves. You’ve been together for a long time, and your proposal should come soon enough. I’m not saying age is a huge factor, but even though you’ve been dating a long time, maybe he still feels you’re too young for marriage. My SO and I are two years apart, he’s 24 and I’m 26 and we’ve been together 3.5 years. Although I’ve been ready for a while, he hasn’t because he’s younger and wants more time to finish school and grow up a little. Sometimes guys get worried that getting engaged means marriage and children right away. Explain to him that you wouldn’t mind having a long engagment and it might ease his mind. Also be sure you’re on the same page about buying a house and having kids, he might be hesitant if you want them sooner than him. Hope this helps! Good luck bee (:

Post # 25
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

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DancinDarlin:  Personally I wouldn’t have wanted to get engaged that quickly. I think for older couples it’s different because they have much more life experience/really know what they are looking for.

But for people in their 20s, I honestly don’t think a year is enough time to make an informed decision (obviously that doesn’t mean it never works out, everything works out some of the time but that doesn’t make it the best idea).

I think you guys are smart to wait, especially since you got together so young. You’re building a really solid foundation and I’m betting when you do get married it will be a nice smooth transition.

You’re also just seeing the fun engagment side of these couples on facebook, not the aftershock of getting married in these couples’ real lives. For some I’m sure it works out, but you’ve seen all the posts on the bee that are like, “MARRIED 3 MONTHS AND ALREADY THINKING ABOUT DIVORCE”. Well that happens to some people when you aren’t together that long before getting married.   

Think about it this way, even if you don’t get married for two more years (Gasp!), if you live into your 90s, you will have been married to this man for 70+ years!!!!! 

Personally, Fiance and I consider our relationship more important than just the title of marriage. So even though we are getting married this summer, we’re going to continue celebrating our original anniversary . Marriage is going to become part of our relationship, but it’s not a reset button. These early years matter too, enjoy them!

 

Post # 26
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t like quick engagements either. I don’t understand them. 

I would be very proud of the fact that it’s taken you guys so long to get engaged. It shows a lot of thoughtfulness. 

But maybe you should just talk to him and explain how you feel. I’m sure you’ll be engaged in no time.

Post # 27
Member
535 posts
Busy bee

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DancinDarlin:  i know it gets frustrating. I was 5.5yrs when fi proposed. But its so awesome to wait because yeah it might seem slow now. But you are truely finding out who you are meant to be with forever. A year is not enough time, and people will respect that and be more excited when you do get engaged and married. I have seen people get engaged and married in less then 2 years and people dont have a sense of foreverness when they go to their weddings. They will see that yours is true and not some impulse decision, and people will respect that about you. 

Another thing i love is how close we have gotten with each others family over the 6.5 years we have been together now. And everyone is so excited for our wedding. It makes it so much more exciting when you have been with each other and developed relationships as a couple with your familys. It truely does! 

I know its hard but remember..slow and steady wins the race. 🙂 

Post # 28
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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Comealongpond:  I agree – whether or not a year is long enough to wait largely depends on your age.  If I had married any of the people I had only dated for a year when I was in my late teens or early twenties, I would surely be divorced by now.  But now that I’m in my 40s, my personality is more… established, I know what I’m looking for, I know what works and doesn’t work for me, and I’ve experienced enough to understand what red flags to look for.  My Fiance proposed on our 2 year anniversary, but I knew it was coming – we’ve been talking about it for about a year.  But if my daughter were to want to get married to someone that quickly, I would encourage her to wait a little longer.

Post # 29
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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DancinDarlin:  About a year in, Fiance and I had the talk on getting married. He knew he had about one more year to get a ring and propose. He popped the question 6 months later. I didn’t give an ultimatum or anything, but he knew I wouldn’t stick around if marriage wasn’t in the works. There is no way I would have waited that long, short of there being some trajedy that prevented an engagement. We are both in our 30’s though so waiting 4 years for a ring essentially removes my chances for the family I want. 

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Nontra:  So right.

Adding on that OP, when Fiance and I first started dating, he made it known that he didn’t want children or a family and really didn’t like the idea of marriage. Then I broke up with him. Of course when he saw how stupid he was, he came crawling back. But from the very beginning, I put my non-negotiables out there. He knew I meant business. Of course now he can’t wait to get married and we want to start a family ASAP. But him knowing my parameters and timeframes were non-negotiables I think prompted him faster than if I never said anything to him.

Post # 30
Member
3537 posts
Sugar bee

Good grief, someone should make a sticky on the Waiting Board for all those waiting bees to disable Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and every other social media outlet from the months of November- March.

If you’re going to consider yourself “waiting” ( for 1,2, 5+ years) and be A-OK for the stringalong, then you need to cowboy up and realize that not everyone else is going to put themselves through the same misery.

There, problem solved.

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