(Closed) Getting Annoyed With Engagements After A Year or Less

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Akron, OH

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ChelseaGabrielle: ha, my SO always says that as well .. “slow and steady wins the race”! Good point though. 

As for OP, I just remembered that even though waiting feels like an enternity, it’s always best to wait until you’re 100% sure and 100% ready. Make sure your goals allign and your finances are in order. Yes, you marry for love but just because you love someone doesn’t make it entirely okay to get married. My SO and I have grown up a lot in the time that we’ve been together. I’m sure you can relate. Think about how much you two have grown and changed over the years, hopefully bringing you closer together rather than drifting apart. Think about this, you’ll be together married or not, and continue to blossom together, so why rush? Shouldn’t marriage be a benefactor not and entitelment? Best wishes! 

Post # 32
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Modern, Classic, Fun

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DancinDarlin:  I totally understand where you’re coming from. I was with my SO for 4.5 years before he finally popped the question and I’ll admit, the waiting sucked!! I was ready to get engaged after 2 years but for him, he was on a different time line, and also had to save up for my dream ring. But the bottom line is I would have NEVER given him an ultimatum or forced him to Marry me. Who would want to be in a relationship like that? This xmas was the first time I saw a lot of my extended family since I got engaged this June and could you believe two of my other cousins got engaged a few weeks before. One after less than a year of dating and the other after two months. I love them but I have to admit, I totally wanted to roll my eyes. I wish them the best, but I do wonder how well they know each other. But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter bc their relationship has no effect on me. My Fiance Knew we wanted to marry each other early on but it’s not a decision either one of is take lightly.  Looking back I think 4.5 years was perfect for us and now we have no doubts in the world. 

Post # 33
Member
37 posts
Newbee

It’s not usual to be envious of others when you have been waiting for a long time. It’s normal. if it really affects you, you should talk to him. If he doesn’t care, maybe he isn’t the one. 

Post # 34
Member
4556 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m the same age as you and we’ve been together since we were 17. We got engaged a couple of months ago but I also had these feelings. I worked with 3 girls, who were all younger than me, and if you added up their relationships it totaled 2.5 years, but all 3 of them were engaged. I really found comfort in knowing that even though they were engaged, our relationship was 10 times better. I say it was better because all these girls would do was come to work and complain about their FI’s. They also gave their rings back multiple times and I was questioning every single day whether or not they were still engaged. In the past 6 months, one of them completely broke it off because she complained her ring was too small and her Fiance didn’t want to go downtown anymore. The other, broke up with her Fiance, who was 10 years older because he didn’t want to have sex all the time and didn’t party like he used to. The other broke up with her Fiance because she talked to another boy. I couldn’t deal with their bullshit and was going home to my Fiance (then BF) every night telling him how thankful I was for him and how great our relationship is. By the time I got engaged, none of them were engaged anymore. 

Post # 35
Member
861 posts
Busy bee

Well I think fast engagements are freaking wierd! Sorry all.

I think you need a minimum 2 years. You really don’t know someone until a minimum of a year and depending on how much time you spend with someone you may not encounter so much of the real them. 

Crazy! Under a year..lol. 

But ya 5 years..that sucks. Even at your age you could at least be engaged and committed.  

Post # 36
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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DancinDarlin:  I think it depends on the situation that you’re in when you meet and feel you’re ready yo get married. I agree that it seems a lot of people are jumping into marriage really soon. 

On our wedding day, Fiance will have been together 8 years and a week. But my parents only knew each other for a year before getting engaged and will be celebrating 29 years together this summer. It is entirely based on the context of their relationship, maturity level, etc. Factors that they won’t always broadcast over social media. I completely understand your frustration while waiting though.

Post # 37
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it largely depends on the couple. My Fiance told me he wanted to spend his life with me after 2 months. 3 months in he moved in to my house. 7 months to the day after we started dating he proposed.  We are both only 25, I turned 25 less than a month prior to the engagement. The caveat being we have known each other since we were 11 and were friends from then on. We were each others first kiss at 12.  We never dated prior and had lost touch for 2 years prior to dating. We saw each other on OKC and decided to hang out again. 

Many if not all of the people that know us do not know that back story. Besides the parents and 4 friends we both have known together sinice 6th grade. Even his best friends wife tried to talk him out of our engagement since we had only been together 7 months. But honestly we know. We didn’t need or want to wait longer just to get engaged just because many thought it was “too soon”

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by KelliQ513.
Post # 38
Member
948 posts
Busy bee

I was engaged at 11 months and 2 weeks. 

I don’t know your frustration but it seems understandable…I wouldn’t want to be ringless at 4+ years when in a loving relationship 

hugs. Every relationship is different

Post # 39
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

We never really goes on behind closed doors and every couple’s motivation for getting engaged earlier/later may be different.

I can see where you’re coming from, but I think you might want to sit down and have a serious talk to your SO about timelines, if you haven’t already. If I were in your shoes, I’d be very frustrated and unhappy.

Post # 40
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

There’s a lot of judgement flying around about “fast” engagements but I personally wouldn’t wait years. So yeah everyone’s different everyone’s journey moves at different speeds. I wouldn’t wait others wouldn’t rush were all unique but jeez no need to hate on the short length of time it took for someone’s relationship to progress. 

 

Post # 41
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Everyone is different, and remember, it’s not just how long you’ve been together, but at what stage of life you’re at.

There’s a pretty big difference between dating for a year in high school/college and getting engaged, and dating a year out in the real world and getting engaged.

Post # 42
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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Nontra:  

+100000000000000

Hella well said!!

Post # 43
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2018

My Fiance and I had several conversations about a ring (after the three year mark I started dropping some pretty strong hints) And he just wasn’t ready yet. He’s the really cautious type, and he’s been burned by some of his exes. Knowing those reasons helped me not get on his case too badly though, so maybe your man has his reasons too?

Post # 44
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I know how you feel because I was there as well. It took my now husband 6 years to propose. He started telling me he couldnt wait to get married 3 months after we met (I was 22 and he was 24 at the time). I thought it was silly to profess that kind of love after 3 months but I knew this was something we both wanted eventually.

At 3 years we bought our house and I thought an engagement was imminent. WRONG. It took him another 3 years, many tears and many conversations later for him to get it. In his mind it was never the right time and there was always some hurdle we had to jump through before it was. Finally I just told him that if he didn’t want to get married it was pretty cruel of him to be leading me on for so long and I wouldn’t have been stressing out and been upset for about 4 years had he not kept telling me it was happening soon and then it didn’t happen. I would have been fine if I had known what was going on and he wasn’t sending me such mixed signals. It was more the not knowing/understanding that made me so on edge. Marriage was not the end all be all for me, I just wanted to KNOW something, anything.

When it came down to it, we were not on the same page. His idea of “soon” meant that it would happen “eventually” whereas my idea of “soon” was that “he was in the process of getting the ring”. Our relationship was amazing otherwise and at 6 years we finally got engaged and at 7 we got married.

When he turned 30 he literally grew up overnight and at that point its like he was a man on a mission. No amount of my stomping my feet and crying about it and hating all of the other engaged couples was going to make him take that leap when he wasnt ready, and me acting like a nutcase or being bitter wasnt going to make him drop down to his knees and profess his love to me.

Focus on your relationship. Its difficult to do, but when you are on edge and upset, it reflects in your behavior. A woman that is waiting is pretty much unrecognizable. You become irritable, sad, moody, clingy and jealous, and if anything that makes them want to run in the other direction. They don’t see it the same way as we do that we are hurting. All they see is that their woman is possessed and frankly, who wants to marry that? It starts to make them question what they are getting themselves into. I know my husband has made some comments to me that he could see it in my face or hear it in my voice when I was upset and he was really worried that this was something that he’d have to deal with forever lol

Understand that you are both young still and that is the reason why its been this long for you. When you are in your teens/early 20s relationships do tend to move at a slower pace because you are both still growing up at that point. Speak to him calmly and just see where things are headed so that way you know if you are on the same page.

Post # 45
Member
6263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it’s extremely ignorant to judge anyone’s relationship. I could understand if it’s toxic or not a good partner or situation but if not then who cares? Why does it have to be a minimum? If they make it they do if they don’t then oh well. It doesn’t affect YOU (to those that are judging). For an older couple less than 2 years together before being engaged is fine IMO. There are studies that show negative things about getting married at a young age also…..

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