(Closed) Getting Annoyed With Engagements After A Year or Less

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It depends on many factors.

First, age. It’s not the same being in a relationship since you were 16 with starting a relationship at 25 or 30 or 40. I met my DH when I was 28; I had a stable job, recently finished a PhD, been living in a foreign country for 8 years by myself at that point. He was 31, had a morgage, a house, a dog. We both knew exactly what we wanted and I wouldn’t have waited for more than 2 years for a proposal because at that stage in my life I didn’t need more time to do anything or to wait on anyone to see if he wanted to be with me on the long run or not. And he felt the same way. 3 months after our first date he proposed and we moved in together. And 10 months later we got married. We are in our 30s and are perfectly happy. I wouldn’t change anything about my relationship.

Another thing: Maturity and carrer/life status. If a couple is still in school, isn’t independent financially and all this less sentimental part of it, maybe there should be a plan involved.

And last: I know there are couples who are your age, been together for more or less the same time and are engaged or married. There are no rules. It depends on the people in that couple. From what I see, your SO and you are not on the same page in this moment. Or so you think. Talk to him, tell him what your expectations are, set a timeline, but don’t wait and see when he decides to ask. It’s your place to have an opinion on this regard as well. There are 2 people in every couple and the decision shouldn’t be on one side only while the other one is miserable secretly waiting.

A thing that bothers me that has nothing to do with your post, but I found it’s pretty common in my circle of aquaintances: people automatically assume that if one gets engaged/married quickly, it will end badly and those people aren’t happy. One should watch his own relationship and take care of it instead of looking for unhappiness in others. It’s a sign of unhappiness of the one judging, not of the one he judges.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by BunnyJaques.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by BunnyJaques.
Post # 47
Member
4685 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

DancinDarlin:  every couple moves at a different pace. I was with my ex for the better part of 10 years. we married and then divorced. I’m with my current SO and it will only be a year in March and already engagement is on the table. It will probably happen in the next 6 months or so. Two totally different dynamics and two totally different guys. it’s also two totally different age brackets. It’s totally different when your relationshp begins in your teen years. 5.5 years when you started at 17 is totally different than 5.5 years when you started at 30 like I did with my current SO. As long as your SO is on the same page as you and knows your expectations I think the amount of time doesn’t matter. I personally have a 1 year rule because I think a full year is a decent amount of time to really get to knwo someone and date them. I have told my SO I won’t seriously decided on a time line until we have hit the 1 year mark. but that’s my personal rule. to each their own ya know?

Post # 48
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’ve been in both situations. I was with my ex for 6+ years and it was agonizing seeing all of the engagements of people who had been together for only a couple years. It didn’t make me resent them though, it made me resent my ex. After that relationship ended (because he decided he didn’t actually want to marry me), I decided that I was not willing to wait years for a commitment. DH and I got engaged after a year. 

As most people have said, it depends on the couple and their age and maturity level. It also depends on their relationship dynamic. A couple that has been together two years but only sees eachother once a week and a couple that has been together one year but sees eachother everyday and lives together are totally different. 

The problem is not with the pace of other people’s relationship, it is with the pace of your own relationship. It is not moving at the pace that you want it to and that is something that you will need to discuss with your SO.

Post # 51
Hostess
5622 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
cpick:  I love this. Really great perspective.

Honestly, I was in no major hurry to get married. We were together 4, almost 5 years on our wedding day, and he proposed after 3 years. We had already combined finances, been living together and had been planning our future for some time. Being married didn’t change a thing because we were already comitted.

Post # 53
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

My friend got together with her man when she was 18 and she just got engaged a couple months after turning 28. He always had full intentions of proposing to her but he was waiting around for his own personal goals to pan out.

Maybe he’s waiting for something. I’m in the same boat as you (coming up on five years now).

I hope you get your proposal soon! It’s awful waiting when you’re ready.

Post # 54
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

 

View original reply
DancinDarlin:  I get where you are coming from. My bf just got married after 7 years of dating. She even introduced me to my Fiance. Who proposed after only a year. But Fiance and I were in a different boat. When we met it was as if we knew instantly. Also, we both had careers, owned homes and were well established. Where my friend had dated through college, they only both go stable jobs a couple months before becoming engaged.

My Fiance and I were also very open about wanting to get married. We talked about it frequently from the onset of the relationship. Very open about bank acocunts, how many children we want, time lines, where we want to raise the offspring. All of it.

I would take some time. It’s your right to feel aggravated. Your emotions should not be invalidated. Just remember that in the end what happens for you will be perfect for you at the right time.

Post # 55
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
DancinDarlin: give it a few years. Some of those relationships make it, some don’t. 

Obviously, we all hope to make it. And frankly, if you’re unhappy waiting you can make a change. 

Post # 56
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Local Resort

View original reply
DancinDarlin:  I cannot blame you one bit.  I would not be able to date anyone for years and years without a proposal, it just isn’t in me.  But I’m 45.. it took 2 called off engagements and many years of growth to get here.

Decide what you want in 2015 and MAKE it happen.. you have to be happy.  If you feel you’ve put into this relationship everything you possibly could and want it to move to the next level, be prepared to take the next step.  Have a discussion and move forward, and or move on.  That’s my best advice because time is not your friend my dear.  You’ve waited long enough.

<3

Post # 57
Member
13815 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
DancinDarlin:  All the more reason to wait, IMO.  My advice to anyone in graduate or professional school, no matter how in love and committed they may be is to be cautious about marrying at that time.  If, heaven forbid, you should ever split up, and you were married while still in school, half of that degree, including future earnings can and has been awarded to an ex-spouse.  

I realize that doesn’t mean you cannot be engaged, but again you are both still young. Personally, I’d also want to see how the relationship translates to a non-student lifestyle.

Post # 58
Member
1786 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I totally understand how you’re feeling. When my Fiance proposed to me it was after three years of dating and I remember how utterly annoyed I was feeling at all my friends arounds me getting engaged after only short relationships. FTR many of them did not make it down the aisle and broke off the engagements shortly after moving in together. One of my friends from school met a guy and after three dates (two weeks after meeting) chose a wedding date and decided to get married in under 8 months from the time they first met. I just found it shocking someone could make such a huge decision so lightheartedly. My Fiance and I got engaged after 3 years and had planned our wedding date with a 1.5 year engagement. I know how you’re feeling, just try to focus on your relationship and make the best of everyday you have together, the proposal will come for you when the timing is right 🙂

Post # 59
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think it’s ever beneficial to compare your relationship to anothers. Waiting is waiting. If it is making you unhappy, have that candid conversation about the engagement you want.

Post # 60
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
DancinDarlin:  

 

I totally feel you and got annoyed back then too. Especially we had the ring sitting in the bank.  Then now that I’m married, looking back… I actually appreciated my hubby waited… I’m thanksful we been through two rough path, and truely experienced for richer and for poorer before we exchanged vow this year.. 

We did go through for poorer twice and now that we are in the richer phase … I will never take it for granted and DH knows that I will stick around even if he is broke and in huge debt or if he is unemployed, I will still be with him…and that’s probably why he spoil me all the time 

The topic ‘Getting Annoyed With Engagements After A Year or Less’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors