(Closed) Getting Annoyed With Engagements After A Year or Less

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Generally speaking I don’t understand the concept of waiting at all, perhaps because I don’t have unlimited patience and I do know that hope is not a plan. You are young but I was your age when I met my husband and we were engaged 6 months later. So if you’re sure that this is the man for you, tell him how you feel. No hints, no oblique references, just the straight truth.

Post # 62
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

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rosecut:  So why be judgemental? I don’t really get the idea of being ready but waiting for years, but I’m not going to say I don’t like it or it’s not thoughtful… the truth is that you don’t know what happens in other relationships, and if you think people should wait X time because that’s what common wisdom says, I urge you to reconsider.

Post # 63
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

I understand your frustrations but agree with many other’s up here. I think it really depend on what stage you are in with life and relationship. I knew very early on into my relationship i wanted to be married but my Fiance was not ready we ended up breaking up. Now 6 years later he is finally ready we have a beautiful son together so the timing is perfect now. Women mature faster then men, we already know early on sometimes but if the man is not ready and you force him before it’s time it will be a disaster. You will only end up pushing him away.

Now with that being said if your an older couple and have been together for a long time, and the man is still making ever excuse not to be married then that usally mean he doesn’t want marriage or think marriage have very much importance to him. I hope everthing works out for you and try not to worry about other’s relationships. It will always leave you feeling leftout.

 

Post # 64
Member
574 posts
Busy bee

I got engaged to my Fiance after 5 months so it was very quick but having a longer engagement. I can understand its very very annoying when you have been together for a long time. The one i get on my facebook that annoys me is a lot of people friends and friends of friends get pregnant after only being with someone a few months and then moan about how its all gone wrong before they have even had the baby! 

Post # 65
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You two are still very young and you are still in school so I would personally just enjoy this time in your lives together. 

Post # 66
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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DancinDarlin:  I understand it is totally difficult to wait. I just got engaged in the past few weeks. We have been together for just over 3 years at the time, but I am 27 and he is 31. I feel if we got engaged much earlier I wouldn’t have been quite ready. We have both hit our strides career wise and are doing exceptionally well personally and professionally.

You are so young and in school still. This is already an exciting time for you, I would spend this time to focus on your studies, completing dental school, and figuring out where you are going to work after you are finished. You clearly already have strong relationship with your SO. I would enjoy that and I’m sure the proposal will come soon enough.

Best of luck! 🙂

Post # 67
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

It seems for some reason my response to this thread wasn’t actually posted. Anyway bees, it’s all fine and good to think positive, but no need to rain on the parade of other people’s engagements just because it’s not on a “unique” day. Go ahead and focus on on a silver lining, but don’t put down other people’s situations just to make yourself feel better.

Post # 68
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Maui

5.5 years together isn’t that long when you’ve been together since your teens. Most people aren’t ready for marriage nowadays until they are least 25 I think, and for a lot of guys it’s more like 28-30ish. I had been in some longterm relationships before I turned 25, but none of them worked out because I was still growing as a person. I met my husband when I was 26 and he was 30, got engaged after a year, and just got married after 10 months of engagement. We both knew we wanted to get married fairly early on because we have matured. 

OP, you should definitely tell your guy what you want, but maybe not expect a proposal so soon since he is still young, and passive as you said. Just bring it up casually, no pressure. Enjoy your relationship for now, and if in another year or two he’s still dragging his feet, then that would be a good time to have the serious talk.

Post # 69
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse

We’re coming up on four years and we’re now engaged with hopefully a wedding by the end of the year.  I’m older mind you and I already know we’ll have fertility issues so we’re heading in to this sooner rather than later, mostly because for some reason it’s important to my Fiance to be married before kids (I really didn’t care).  

Engaged though after a few months boggles my mind…I was still ‘dating’ my Fiance at that point in our relationship!  We weren’t seeing anybody else but we hadn’t declared BF/GF status at that point.  Mind you we were both busy so we’d see each other only once or twice a week, but still…I can’t imagine being engaged to him at that point!

Waiting is hard, but hopefully it’ll happen sooner rather than later.  It’s good though to enjoy your time now though!

Post # 70
Member
1906 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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DancinDarlin:  i agree. i dont think personally people know each other well enough after a year or less to actually know if they want to spend their lives with someone. i think it takes 2+ years at least.

having said that, i waited 7 years which was frustrating and whenever someone got engaged i would smile but cry on the inside haha!!

I dropped hints that i wanted to be engaged and planning a wedding for a year first, then wanted a few years married before having kids and i wanted kids by the time i was 30, so he had a timeline. he proposed when we were 24.

 

dont worry, i promise your time will come. the problem is, you dont know when. so dont make a big deal of it, just be patient. he might even be planning it now. 

Post # 71
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

SO and I have been together just over 2.5 years. I was ready at 2 years… But he just isn’t. We have discussed it and he has made it clear that he wants to marry me, but he needs a bit more time. He also knows that marriage is very important to me and a non negotiable. 

The one mistake I feel I made is I did not discuss the direction of our relationship prior to moving in with him. To me, it was a step towards marriage, but to him it was just another stage in a relationship. Luckily, he knows where I stand and we are on the same page now. I’m hoping for an engagement in the next 6ish months and then a short time before an elopement. I love him more than anything, but I do agree that it is hard seeing all these people getting engaged around me… I try hard not to compare our relationship to theirs, but sometimes it is hard because I want it so badly!

Post # 72
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

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DancinDarlin:  I feel the same way! It will be 8 years soon and i am still waiting. Every month (or less) a new person on my social media friend list gets engaged. They all have been dating their SO for less time than me 🙁

Post # 74
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@DancinDarlin: Don’t worry about it– couples have to go through so much more before they get engaged! Engagement is promising forever, it’s not something people should just jump into in romance. You should live together, go through tough times, etc. I’m looking forward to a happy marriage because we took our time 🙂

Post # 75
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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Nontra:  Ewwww chile yes! I am taking this advice myself for so many other things personally and professionally! 

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