Getting back together after long separation

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you and SO ever broken up or taken a break?
    We've never broken up or taken a break : (64 votes)
    58 %
    We've been on a break, but never broke up. : (6 votes)
    5 %
    We've broken up and gotten back together within a few weeks. : (18 votes)
    16 %
    We've broken up and gotten back together after a long time. : (22 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 3
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Is there any way that you can work on a relationship instead of breaking up?  My husband and I broke because of me but I came crawling back and honestly didn’t know if we would get back together or not.

    If you break up, you need to be completely prepared to never get back together because it doesn’t always happen (and doesn’t make the problems you had before the breakup go away).

    Post # 5
    Member
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Darling Husband and I dated when I was a sophmore in college and he was starting grad school. I was young and pretty immature. Darling Husband was a very traditional guy with very old school values that didn’t jive with who I was back then. I knew in my heart he was the kind of guy I’d want to marry, but I just couldn’t handle that level of committment just then. After only 3ish months I broke up with him. We didn’t talk for a while, then kept in touch via email. I dated other people and he got into a serious but dysfunctional relationship. We both had hoped that we’d get a second chance someday, but never thought it would actually happen. I knew almost immediately that I had made a mistake, but was stubborn and then it was too late to go back. He really gave his relationship his all, and I tried to as well. It was a little over 5 years that I finally convinced him to see me again. He and his gf were on the outs and I was single. We were very platonic, but I just knew we’d end up back together. Now we are married with a baby on the way.

    I think my story is uncommon though. Age had a lot to do with us parting ways and neither of us left the relationship with the idea we’d get back together later. It just kind of worked out that way. I suppose it could have easily not worked out for us. I wouldn’t split up with the hope or idea that you’ll get back together. I think you’ll be setting yourself up for disappointment. There is always a chance you’ll split up and he’ll change his mind, but it sounds like if he was really in the relationship, he’d be more willing to work on it now, rather than give up.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Darling Husband and I were together 2 1/2 years when we broke up.  We just realized we wanted different things.  Me – marriage and kids, him – not so sure.  He is divorced (no kids) and 11 years older than me.  We broke up because it didn’t make sense to continue.  It was really sad, but had to happen.  We lived together, so I moved out, stayed with my parents awhile then got my own place.  I dated a bit too.

    We got together about 4 months later.  So not a long time, but not exactly short either.  We were in contact during that time.  

    The space took all of the pressure off of him.  He was able to realize that he wanted to be with me (and have kids) and not just because I wanted it.

    We would not be together today…or confident in our relationship, if we hadn’t broken up.

    When the time is longer that means really letting go and then somehow naturally coming back together.  For it to work, you would really have to try to move on…

    I do not think counseling is only for married couples so see if he would agree to give it a try.  Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Mr. T and I met when we were 16 while roleplaying in a yahoo chat room. We met in person when we were 18 and stayed together until we were 21-22. We moved on with our lives and never looked back. Then last year when we were 26 we found each other again…on the internet and we are much better prepared for a relationship than we were when we were teens. I think we have  lot more in common than we did when we were younger and obviously we are more mature. We can talk about our feelings and frustrations with one another instead of holding it in and writing it in a diary and never discussing it. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee

    Well me and my so broke up because of him. We were apart for 2 months with no contact what so ever. After the 2nd month i realized i could  not be without him. so we got back together and honestly we needed that break to realize how much we really want eachother and want to make it work. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1851 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I don’t think it’s weird at all for y’all to seek counseling before you’re engaged…in fact I think it’s a great idea, and if your SO is willing I think this should be the first step you take. I’m sorry I don’t have a story to share, but I really wanted to tell you that anything you do to work on your relationship-even if it’s not the norm-is worth it if it will make your relationship better. Good Luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2493 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We’re on a break right now. Not together, but not seeing other people, I guess you could say.

    Back in May, my (now) ex-FI ended our relationship/engagement out of nowhere–we were planning our wedding, and house-hunting one day, and the next, he just combusted (for the lack of a better word). It’s now been almost 8-months since we split, but we’re slowly working on things, and trying to figure out if we can really make ‘us’ work, again.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    go to counseling by yourself, and bring in your bf for a few sessions if he’ll agree to it. if you break up, you can’t count on getting back together so you need to work through it yourself with a therapist. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Fiance and I have known each other since we were 12 and dated for a few months when we were 16.. We got serious, but certain things split us apart.. We went our separate ways and didn’t talk for a while, but when we started talking again, it was like no time had passed.. He realized that he had made a mistake in giving us up, but I was already in another committed relationship that ended up in engagement. FI and I both wanted a second chance, but neither one of us thought it would happen either.. He never gave up hope though, and after being with the other guy for 3 and a half years, I realized how dysfunctional and unsatisfying that relationship was and ended it.  Fiance and I are together now and closer than we have ever been.. He really was my best friend for the time that we were apart, and the four years we had apart made us realize how much we appreciate what we have and how we are not willing to let it go again. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    535 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My Fiance and I had been dating for about 3 years when we broke up (We were sophomores in college).  It was an awful, dramatic break-up full of heart break.  I was clinically depressed for a while.  We broke up March 2009 and eventually got back together in December 2009.  It obviously didn’t happen overnight.  We started trying to work things out in October and within a couple months we were ready to be together again, but it took  A LOT of work.  He proposed on July 4, 2010 and I can say there was a point in time where I NEVER thought I would ever talk to him again, much less marry him.  It was a painful experience, but it really helped us sort out our problems, both personal and within the relationship.  Our relationship now is completely different than it was 2 years ago and I’m so thankful for that!

    Post # 15
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    i don’t think just cause your not engaged … you shouldn’t get counseling.  can’t hurt that’s for sure.

    Post # 16
    Member
    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    My husband and I met when he was 12 and I was 13. We “dated” a little until he moved away when I was 16 and he was 15. We kept in touch and got together for real when I was 18 and he was 17 (after I graduated from high school). We were together for the next four years, and then I went through a really rough phase. I won’t go into it, but I was very unstable, things were very unstable, and finally I decided to end it. I never thought we would get back together. I immediately moved in with another guy, who turned out to be really awful, and about four months later started secretly communicating with my now Darling Husband. We got back together 6 months later. That was three years ago, and we’ve now been married for seven months.

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