Post # 1
So I am having my brides maids buy their own dresses (which I have read is the traditional way of doing it). All of my maids have paid for their dress except the maid of honor, and I have delayed buying the dresses for two months now because of it. I have asked for money several times. The dresses are not that expensive, they are only $105 dollars.
She keeps saying she has no money because she is unemployed, so I said I understand. However, she keeps taking herself on random vacations. Two weeks ago she drove for quite a distance and stayed several nights in a hotel all to visit really random friends for not much reason at all. Now she is planning a trip to fly to California. She has no family out there so I’m a little frustrated. I am really mad that she can all of the sudden afford these trips but not her dress for the wedding.
How can I nicely talk to her about this? I don’t even know where to start and I am also afraid of hurting our friendship which is obviously much more important to me.
Post # 3
I may be in a similar situation as your friend. I’m unemployed and have had to buy a VERY expensive dress for a friend’s wedding (almost twice the price of yours). It’s really set me back, and I’m upset my friend didn’t help cover the cost like she said she would, but she’s important to me and we’ve been friends for oer 15 years. However, I haven’t been taking myself on trips. It’s likely that she doesn’t want to be there as your bridesmaid – sorry.
Post # 4
I would tell her that I value her friendship and want her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but the clock is ticking. I need her to pay for the dresss by a certain date or she won’t have it, then leave it up to her. Go ahead and order the other girls’ dresses so there are no delays receiving them.
We never really know why other people do the things they do or don’t do the things they don’t. We can’t make judgements about how she spends her money. She may be travelling because she is actually panicked about being unemployed and trying to keep up a pretense that everything is fine.
Just stick to the issue fo her paying for the dress and getting it ordered.
Post # 5
whoa, i dont think id jump to her not wanting to be in your wedding so quickly!
if you dont fully understand the reason she took her last trip, maybe there is something going on that she isnt ready to open up with you about just yet? maybe the friend financed her trip? maybe it was planned in advance and she didnt tell you about it? my point is there are A LOT of reasons why people do what thet do. i do agree that is really annoying that she hasnt bought the dress yet!! but you still have some time.
i know weddings are a huge drain on the wallet, but is there a way you could buy the dress and then make a payment plan with her? $25 a month or something?
Post # 6
@hisprettygirl: I’m sorry to hear that 🙁 It is especially hard when the dresses are so much.
I agree, I’m starting to wonder if this is all that important to her, and she is my maid of honor we have been friends since we were little kids!
Post # 7
Is there any way you could help her out in purchasing it and have her pay you back?
Post # 8
Seems like excusses to not pay for the dress. If you can afford vacations you can afford the dress. Do you really want friends like that in your wedding party anyways? And $105 is extreamly cheap for a bridesmaid dress. Im not buying her story.
Post # 9
@bostongirl27: Ok, I like this payment plan idea.
And the trips make me upset because she is just irresponsible by nature, I love her but she really is. She had a job but quit because she didn’t like it without even bothering to look for a new one. Now she wants to fly to California and tickets are so expensive right now!! arg!
I missed a family wedding two weeks ago because I couldn’t afford the plane tickets, so this just drives me up the wall. Maybe I’m being irrational, but I just feel like this wedding is her last priority, and I don’t know how to bring this up I’m worried it will turn into a fight.
Post # 10
@limegreenbride: And I just bought the dresses this week. My mom paid for her dress because I couldn’t. Ijust don’t want to tell her because I want it to seem more urgent that she pay me ASAP.
Post # 11
Not saying that it is right or wrong but maybe her vacations are a higher priority than her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress with what money she does have. I’d just order it so as not to delay any further and have her pay you back.
Post # 12
In the UK and in many other countries then the bride must pay for anything she wants her maids to wear on the day (ie if she wants them to wear certain, specific shoes, she must pay for those as well). Your friend is broke, and she may also have reasons for travel. Maybe she is looking for a job? Even if she isn’t, it’s her money and you are imposing an extra financial burden upon her (however gently/inadvertantly etc). So I think you have to bite the bullet and speak to her frankly about the money. If she can’t or won’t pay by a certain date, she must either step down, or have you pay for the dress (NOT as a loan, but as a gift). Those are really your only two options. Sorry.
Post # 13
@Evhrive: oh no, you arent being irrational. i would be frustrated too. i have a friend in my Bridal Party who is equally irresponsible with money and it drives me nuts (we used to live together and rent was frequent late because he was terrible with money). but ive known him forever and thats who he is. i am sure it will be like pulling teeth to get him to get his tux and ill be here ranting about it too!