Post # 1
My husband and I are newlyweds and ttc this year. DH is very comfortable talking about future children, and is excited to be a dad. However, he is woefully uninformed about TTC/pregnancy, and when I talk about the details of it all, it seems to make him squirm a bit. Some of my close friends have had similar experiences, where their partner would like to be surprised by a BFP, but seem to avoid wanting to know about the nitty gritty of TTC.
Have any of you found that your partner is uninformed about TTC? How did you get him up to speed without many very unsexy conversations? How much did you want him to know/did he want to know?
I don’t really mind him not knowing absolutely all the details about TTC, but it would be nice if he understood more of how it all affects our emotional ups and downs as we ladies are trying to figure out if we are ovulating, the 2ww, when AF arrives and we are sad, etc.
Post # 2
seems like most men don’t want too much info as they feel pressured to perform. a good place to start would be to look at your estimated fertile window. maybe kick it out 2 days early and a day or 2 later and BD every other day during that time.
trust me, i think my DH thought 1 time unprotected meant a baby no matter what time of the month. lol. men haha
we are only in our first cycle trying and i tried not to give him too much info. I just initiated to make sure we DTD during fertile window
Post # 3
My Dh is on board and excited to ttc but I definitely dont think he is as informed as me. He doesnt mind talking about it, but wont initiate the conversation per sae. I also find that he knows more and more with every cycle that passes. He knows about fertility friend.. that I temp and use opks. He knows about the SMEP because we have done it for two months.. and understand why its important. He knows what the preseed is for..
Id say hes as informed as possible… but he isnt as practive about researching to find out new things.. he says he learns it all from me anyway lol.
Post # 4
at the beginning I don’t think there is any real need to be hyper informed – just have sex and enjoy it for awhile. We had fertility issues so once it became clear that the “have all of the sex all of the time” method wasn’t working he naturally got more interested in learning the ins and outs where he hadn’t previously cared about EWCM and ovulation strips. He got his semen analysis and worked with a urologist on his male factor issues. He eventually became the best IVF nurse a gal could ask for and is now an adorable (and slightly annoying..) nervous dad-to-be that doesn’t let me lift heavy stuff and reminds me to eat healthy lol. Just let him come around to it all gradually!
Post # 5
My husband was very onboard with TTC, but for the most part I just didn’t tell him all of it. I just “told” (if you get my drift) him when we should have sex and went from there. I think it made it more fun instead of being like we need to have sex right this minute! Especially sine I didn’t want to take away from something that is naturally fun.
Post # 6
My DH and I just started TTC this month. I sent him some articles to read about the process. After reading he told me to let him know the window and that was it. We are still waiting to see if this firt time was a success! Good Luck to you!
Post # 7
I think if you tell men too much too soon it can put too much pressure on them to ‘perform’.
However, if you would like to get him something I can recommend a book called Pregnancy for Men. It covers everything from conception to birth.
It is a British book and it is written to be quite funny. It is very ‘British’ humour, just as a warning.
I am sure you can get it from Amazon.
Post # 8
If you’re just starting TTC and are under 35 with no medical reason to think you’ll have trouble, I would leave it as something fun for a while, not turn it into a chore. Have a lot of sex and see what happens. If YOU are eager about charting etc, that’s cool and if he’s interested in it, also cool. But if he isn’t into all that, at this point, I don’t see why he needs to be. Good luck!
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2014 - Nazareth Hall
I started off telling DH nothing because I RESEARCHED when we decided to start ttc and it made me feel more like a doctor than his wife and I think that scared him a bit. But now we are on our 8th month trying, and really at wits end with all of this (I cannot imagine how some poeple go through this for years), and he is now on board with all the medical terminology and timing and everything. That came to be by having a lot of unsexy conversations, but I think it helps because bottom line is we just want a child and are willing to go through the unsexy conversations and other things to get there.
Post # 10
I just had the conversation with my DH a few days ago about me quitting BC so we can prepare to TTC sometime later this year. Had to explain how my body needs to regulate and he was confused about how periods are going to be for me now and I had to explain to him that it may be a while for them to become regular, etc. I also told him not to tell anyone I’m off BC because then people are going to assume we are trying for a baby right away and we aren’t. We’ve had discussions about fertile days and ovulating. He definitely cares but he acts very like “only tell me what I NEED to know” kind of thing. HAHA. Men.
Post # 11
I totally get where you are coming from. We are from the midwest and I am pretty surprised at how awful DH’s sex education was. Basically it was this:
Post # 12
My husband is so mis informed about things…it’s annoying….I actually had to get my doctor to write him a note because he wouldn’t believe anything I would say…urg
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
lol! That was basically mine, too, but they weren’t allowed to talk about condoms or other forms of contraception- abstinence only. It’s incredible that more kids at my school didn’t end up pregnant. We only had 1 or 2.
Post # 14
Thanks for all your help ladies, I will be buying some kind of book for DH, but maybe I will introduce it with a BFP. I’m trying to keep him on a “need to know” basis. My friend posted this article recently http://www.realsimple.com/magazine-more/inside-magazine/life-lessons/women-work-home-gender-gap
It struck home with the TTC process, where the “metal workload” of TTC/Pregnancy falls very unevenly, and it is an emotional and tiring (mentally and physically) process.