Getting engaged, years go by, no wedding or planning?

posted 7 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
6508 posts
Bee Keeper

I think people may have many different reasons for taking their time before setting a date ranging from health, family, financial, legal or personal issues and that they are welcome to proceed as it best works for them and not obligated to share all of their reasons with anyone. There is no one right answer that works for everyone–it’s not for me to judge the speed at which someone else’s relationship proceeds. 

Post # 3
Member
47193 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it is none of my business what other couples do. If it works for them, why is it an issue for me?

If it doesn’t work for them, I presume one or both of them would do something about it

Post # 4
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

It wouldn’t have worked for me personally but I don’t think it’s a big deal.  I have an engaged couple in my family that will probably be engaged for a while longer (it’s been nearly 2 years, no date set that I know of).  They got engaged after 7+ years of dating.  Their timeframe is their timeframe, no one else’s and if they want to take their time with each step all the more power to them.  

Post # 5
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: By the lake

Engaged since July 2017.  The wedding is next year.  We bought a nice big house last year and we still have the other house to sell. It will be in the market this year.  We are in no rush to get married.  This is our second marriage.  (My husband passed away some years ago at the age of only 31.)  And this is why we’re not going to have a big wedding and we are going to make this easy and pain-free for everyone.  I had a wedding.  He never had a wedding (full ceremony and reception).  He had a courthouse wedding.  So this is new to him and I want to give him that.  So, that’s our timeline.  🙂

Post # 6
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I’ve seen this a bit, but I’m around a lot of college aged people. They get engaged, but with needing to graduate and raise money for the wedding, 2ish years go by before they’re ready to set a date. It’s normal and understandable.

It doesn’t phase me too much when people have extended, and sometimes permanent, engagements. I don’t understand it, but it’s not my place to tell them how to live their lives. As long as they’re happy, that’s what matters.

I’ve seen enough people get married who shouldn’t, so I don’t concern myself over the healthy relationships that don’t lead to marriage.

Post # 7
Member
2747 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

querty :  The couples I’ve seen who have remained eternally engaged have significant issues. One or the other is unwilling to move forward because of those issues…

Post # 8
Member
9610 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

It’s not what I would have wanted. My husband and I waited until we were ready to start actually planning a wedding to get engaged so we dated for 7 years before getting engaged. But some people want to take that next step to show they are more committed than just dating even if they aren’t ready to plan the wedding for whatever reason. Everyone just does what works for them and makes them happy. 

Post # 9
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

I know some couples who dont consider engagement as a step towards marriage. It’s more of a being in a relationship plus. Like they are more commutes than a couple who just lives together. 

Post # 10
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

I am seeing this trend. I know several couples who are engaged, live together and have one or two children. There is no marriage date discussed at all. I find it it is usually the man who is putting off the marriage for several years and basically the ring was given so she would accept the situation. It seems like some people now are getting permanently engaged INSTEAD of getting married. 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Once we got engaged I couldn’t WAIT to be married. I would not be able to hold out this long, I dunno at a certain point people need to make a plan. As long as they’re happy I guess it doesn’t matter though. 

Post # 12
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee

I only know of one couple who was engaged for an extended period of time (10 years) and recently broke up….but the funny thing is they far outlasted many marriages of people I know (including my own!), so maybe they are on to something.  Ha.

This time around I’m really enjoying just being engaged and have actually thought about not getting married…but we both want it, so we’ll get there at some point.

Post # 13
Member
501 posts
Busy bee

Eh/ I mean, there is no rule to this. We had a two year engagement, mostly because planning a wedding didn’t seem like a lot of fun (and because I always said I wasn’t really into a ceremony, my husband promised to do all the work, and he was slow in looking at venues which fill up fast in our area). For us, getting engaged was a sign of our commitment (we’d been dating about six years, getting engaged was really important to him, less so to me) but having made the commitment the actual locating a caterer, worrying about forks bit was………… boring tasks? So he put it off for awhile.

for us it didn’t say anything about our commitment, just about our awareness of what a giant pain it was going to be. For others it might have more to do with their relationship or greater emotional significance.

Post # 14
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

I told my bf I wanted to have a very long engagement hoping it would make him propose sooner. But we got engaged over 6 years later and ended up having a 7 month engagement lol. I think people take as long as they need to be ready.. readiness is important for a successful marriage. 

Post # 15
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

My friends have been engaged for 12 years, I don’t think they’ll ever get married but it’s their relationship 

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