Post # 1
Long time lurker and just created an account today to engage in all the CFBC discussions. Just like the title says, I’m getting a bilateral salpingectomy (removal of the fallopian tubes) done next week. I’ve been wanting a permanent method for quite some time but due to my age, my doctor wouldn’t perform it. He’s finally agreed and after a discussion with me and my fiance, we agreed this is the best option for us, even over a vasectomy.
I was very excited at first, but as it’s getting closer, I’ve had some unexpected emotions related to it. I’ve been extremely introspective and thought this through 100% and am confident in my decision. However, I’ve had these pangs of guilt that I’m a disappointing daughter by not having children. I would never have children out of guilt, of course (nor would my parents want me to), but the feeling is still there.
My parents have also been extremely vocal about their disapproval of my choice (mistake to tell them but there’s nothing I can do about that now). They say I’m making a huge mistake, will regret it later and am missing out on the greatest joy in life (and numerous other “bingoes” I’m sure you’re all familiar with). I’m of the age where if my parents don’t agree with my life choices it generally doesn’t bother me, but someting about my mom saying “you’re making the biggest mistake of your life” has stuck with me. Like I said before, I’m confident in my decision and always have been, but this has affected me more than I anticipated.
I keep trying to focus on the positives and I’m hoping once it’s done I’ll breathe a huge sigh of relief. Not only will I get the peace of mind of being sterilized, I’m also hoping it’ll be the end of these type of conversations. I guess I’m just looking for some support from others who have been there. What’s supposed to be exciting has left me feeling anxious and a little lonely (all of my friends either have or are having kids). Can anyone relate? Or virtually hug me?
Post # 2
I’m wondering why the tubal ligation is better than the vasectomy? It is a surgery instead of a procedure. I would make sure you are completely at peace with your decision. At the same time, if you change your mind, you can always do IVF. Expensive but possible.
Post # 3
MrsBG : I’m completely confident in my decision, I absolutely wouldn’t do anything permanent if I wasn’t. It’s more just put a cloud over something I was initially so excited about since I don’t have the support from my family.
We decided removing the fallopian tubes was the best decision for our situation based on a couple things: the doctor believes I have endometriosis which requires laparoscopic surgery. Since he’ll be in there anyway, he can remove my tubes at the same time. It’s also now believed that removing the tubes can greatly decrese your risk for ovarian cancer, which was an added benefit.
Post # 4
I think it may just be your “lizard brain” talking. It’s hard for us as humans to make absolute choices… we like having options and perhaps having this option taken away is bringing up those unconscious feelings.
Your mother isn’t you, and she doesn’t know what’s best for you. Good luck with your surgery, I think you’ll get that sigh of relief afterwards like you said 🙂
Post # 5
Sending hugs! It was not cool for your mom to say that. It would rattle me. It sounds like she didn’t think through how much it could hurt you to hear that – like she was trying to protect you but wounded you instead. If I were in your situation, I would want to be understood, not have people doubt me.
It sounds like you’re making a choice you’re comfortable with! There is always some emotional turmoil around charged events like this, and that’s just normal. Good luck with the surgery!!! Also, endometriosis sucks (I don’t have it but have had burst cysts and gahhhh abdominal pain) – hopefully they get some stuff figured out while they’re looking in your abdomen!
Edited to add: just realized this is an old thread… so I hope stuff went well way back when! 🙂