Post # 1
My reception venue holds 165 people. I’m pretty much only inviting my parents, 2 brothers, godparents, and one friend plus her husband. I have no living grandparents and I’m not on speaking terms with extended family. That leaves the rest of the 165 for fiance’s family and friends. And his family is saying it’s too small. I feel like I’m being generous with how many they can invite. If I invited my entire family it would definitely be too small. (I have 23 first cousins) I just needed to vent because it almost seems like they’re trying to make me feel guilty. I don’t see the point of inviting people he hasn’t seen in 10+ years but that seems to be the norm with his family weddings. It’s weird.
I’m happy with my choice though. I’m very introverted and hate attention. I don’t want to pretend to be excited about a bunch of strangers and act like I actually know who they are. They can all just get over it and realize it’s not all about them. The important people will be there.
Post # 4
Mostly us. They said they’re contributing but so far we’ve paid for everything. Which is just the venue and photography. My dad plans on paying for catering.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t accept any money from them. Once they contribute financially they should get more of a say about things. When you are the only one paying then what you and your fiancé says goes.
Post # 6
If your Dad is paying for catering, that’s almost 50% of the cost right there – that’s definitely more of the cost than the other things. Put your foot down, don’t take any money from them and keep planning your wedding -tell them there’s space constraints and they have to work with that.
Post # 7
So you’re inviting 8 people, and they’re inviting 157?? Even if they’re contributing, I think it’s absolutely ridiculous for them to be complaining about this.
Given what you’ve told us (you’ve paid for everything so far, and your dad is paying for catering), they do not have a leg to stand on. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
If it were me, I would gently point out to my FMIL/FFIL that their side accounts for 95% of the guest list, and ask them to please respect my/FI’s wishes for a smaller wedding (and maybe explain why you came to that decision — introverted, don’t like attention, etc.).
Post # 8
Does you Fiance want to invite these people?
Post # 9
Not really. We both hate attention. His mom wants him to invite people he doesn’t even like. He’s putting his foot down on those.
Post # 10
Well the good news is that you guys are (so far) paying for the wedding yourself so that gives you control over the guestlist. Talk with your Fiance, divide the guestlist up fairly (e.g. 20 your family, 20 his family, 20 your friends then 10 for each set of parents to invite who they want over and above the must have family already included) and then let the in-laws decide who they want to invite with their allocated invites.
Both of you need to be firm or else you will end up one of those couples that regret their wedding because the caved into family pressure.
Post # 11
Like most others have said, I would definitely decline the contribution from his parents if they’re still offering.. that’ll give them a little room to have some say in the wedding planning if they did contribute. I get it that it’s pretty typical for his side of the family to invite people he’s never seen before, but this is YOUR wedding so it should be done the way that you and your fiance want to.. not because they want it that way.
When I started planning our wedding and working on the guest list, I told my mom right away that I was not inviting any of my cousins or family that I have not seen in over 5-10+ years. I told her I wanted a pretty intimate wedding with only friends and family that knew my fiance and I as a couple and it did not make any sense to invite family that did not even know or has never met my fiance.. mostly because my mom’s side of the family is HUGE compared to my fiance’s family.
Like you, my fiance and I are assuming all the financial responsibility for this wedding so it’s very easy for us to plan it the way we want it.. not that either of our parents are trying to intrude or anything.