Getting frustrated

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
9998 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Who is paying?

Post # 3
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Same question

Post # 5
Member
9998 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I wouldn’t accept any money from them. Once they contribute financially they should get more of a say about things. When you are the only one paying then what you and your fiancé says goes.

Post # 6
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If your Dad is paying for catering, that’s almost 50% of the cost right there – that’s definitely more of the cost than the other things. Put your foot down, don’t take any money from them and keep planning your wedding -tell them there’s space constraints and they have to work with that.

Post # 7
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

So you’re inviting 8 people, and they’re inviting 157?? Even if they’re contributing, I think it’s absolutely ridiculous for them to be complaining about this.

Given what you’ve told us (you’ve paid for everything so far, and your dad is paying for catering), they do not have a leg to stand on. I’m sorry you’re going through this. 

If it were me, I would gently point out to my FMIL/FFIL that their side accounts for 95% of the guest list, and ask them to please respect my/FI’s wishes for a smaller wedding (and maybe explain why you came to that decision — introverted, don’t like attention, etc.). 

Post # 8
Member
9016 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
cjoy12 :  Does you Fiance want to invite these people?

Post # 10
Member
9016 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
cjoy12 :  Well the good news is that you guys are (so far) paying for the wedding yourself so that gives you control over the guestlist. Talk with your Fiance, divide the guestlist up fairly (e.g. 20 your family, 20 his family, 20 your friends then 10 for each set of parents to invite who they want over and above the must have family already included) and then let the in-laws decide who they want to invite with their allocated invites.

Both of you need to be firm or else you will end up one of those couples that regret their wedding because the caved into family pressure.

Post # 11
Member
39 posts
Newbee

Like most others have said, I would definitely decline the contribution from his parents if they’re still offering.. that’ll give them a little room to have some say in the wedding planning if they did contribute. I get it that it’s pretty typical for his side of the family to invite people he’s never seen before, but this is YOUR wedding so it should be done the way that you and your fiance want to.. not because they want it that way.

When I started planning our wedding and working on the guest list, I told my mom right away that I was not inviting any of my cousins or family that I have not seen in over 5-10+ years. I told her I wanted a pretty intimate wedding with only friends and family that knew my fiance and I as a couple and it did not make any sense to invite family that did not even know or has never met my fiance.. mostly because my mom’s side of the family is HUGE compared to my fiance’s family.

Like you, my fiance and I are assuming all the financial responsibility for this wedding so it’s very easy for us to plan it the way we want it.. not that either of our parents are trying to intrude or anything.

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