Getting frustrated

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Instead of making plans in your head, let him in on them.  You’ve discussed marriage; it won’t be a shock.  Tell him you would like to be engaged by the end of December and that if that doesn’t happen you’ll need to rethink the relationship.  Let him know in full what your thoughts are and go from there.

Post # 3
Member
1707 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

I agree let him know what kind of timeline you’re thinking!

Post # 4
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

Stop snooping and just be upfront with him. 

Post # 5
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

Honestly I’m a little put off by the snooping, and the fact that you mention you’re made jealous by Instagram announcements and just “want it now”. I understand that it’s hard to be patient, especially when you feel like everyone around you is getting something that you want, but 2.5 years at 28 years old does not mean time is running out, realistically speaking, either in this relationship or in life in general (I say this as a 28-year-old myself—I know what it feels like to see 30 suddenly looming, everything tends to get blown out of proprtion). Wanting to have x done by 30 is all well and good in theory, but in reality you may have to be a little flexible or risk a lot of unnecessary suffering. No one’s holding a gun to your head (I hope). Have a frank, unambiguous conversation with your boyfriend about your goals instead of trying to figure out what he’s doing/thinking without him knowing. You never know, he might be thinking along the same lines you are.

Post # 6
Member
434 posts
Helper bee

Snooping is unacceptable. You should come clean about that to him so he has all the facts before deciding if he wants to marry you. 

Post # 7
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee

If you haven’t point blank spoken to him about your desire to be engaged soon and have an actual timeline than you have no one to blame but yourself. People aren’t mind readers. You can’t be frustrated with him if you can’t tell him what you want. 

Tell him you are ready to be engaged now and want to agree to a timeline so you know it’s coming soon. And stop snooping. I am waiting to get proposed to and I peeked the other day in his bedside drawer to see he still hasn’t upgraded the ring we are using so obviously he isn’t doing it yet and itdid nothing but piss me off. Snooping is never helpful. 

Post # 8
Member
764 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
lala15 :  I have a similar sitch. Together 2 years, live ins for 1 year, and both talk about marriage. Could he possibly be hiding his history under an incognito browser? Maybe he is taking caution in how to go about it since he knows you have his passwords, etc?

 

BUT yes, talk to him and go over timelines together! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: USA

View original reply
lala15 :  I think you’re due for the timeline discussion, bee. You should really talk to him about this. Let him know that all talk and no actual concrete plans have left you feeling a little insecure about whether he is actually going to propose. I’d also let him know that you want to be engaged like, yesterday, and that you need to know for peace of mind that the proposal is being planned for this year, if that is what you want. 

Post # 10
Member
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

You need to get a timeline. Stop snooping, be an adult and ask HIM when he sees it happening. Problem solved

Post # 11
Member
6165 posts
Bee Keeper

You wouldn’t need to snoop if you had shut down all his pie in the sky fantasies of your wedding. He needs to understand there’s no point in discussing a wedding now and I wouldn’t indulge him any more. And you know how a man makes it “crystal clear” he wants to marry you? He doesnt talk about it, he proposes. What you have now is someone who likes to talk about stuff with you, with friends, but can’t bring himself to act. 

Post # 12
Member
13 posts
Newbee

Not meaning to be rude, but this is terrible advice.

View original reply
needmorewine :  

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