Post # 1
Hi bees, need an outlet as I don’t feel I have anybody I can really speak to about this that will understand. All my friends are either engaged (so don’t want to come across envious) or single (so just don’t understand). I’ve been with my bf for nearly 2.5 years we have had the marriage talk, and he has made it crystal clear that he wants us to get married. We have even once sat down and planned our wedding from colour scheme, to venue to bridal and groom party etc. Whilst this is pretty bad of me I have also sneaked into his phone to find him discussing with a friend that he wanted to propose, but I know he has made no plans. I try to search his search history on his phone and laptop no sign he has even searched anything to do with weddings. Financially things could be better but we get by and if he really wanted he could by now have saved enough for a ring. We live together by the way and have done so for a year. I’m tired of going on Instagram and seeing people announcing their engagements and wondering when it will be me. Is he all talk? Do I need to be patient and just see? He never shys from talking about marrying me but I want action now. In my head I have planned to wait till December and if he has not done it by then I will be moving back in with my parents and saving up to buy my own house. I am 28, turning 29 next month and would like to at least be planning my wedding by the time I turn 30. If not then at least be course to buying a house. He has indicated that this year he will propose, but hasn’t specified around when this year. Any advice will be much appreciated please xx
Post # 2
Instead of making plans in your head, let him in on them. You’ve discussed marriage; it won’t be a shock. Tell him you would like to be engaged by the end of December and that if that doesn’t happen you’ll need to rethink the relationship. Let him know in full what your thoughts are and go from there.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana
I agree let him know what kind of timeline you’re thinking!
Post # 4
Stop snooping and just be upfront with him.
Post # 5
Honestly I’m a little put off by the snooping, and the fact that you mention you’re made jealous by Instagram announcements and just “want it now”. I understand that it’s hard to be patient, especially when you feel like everyone around you is getting something that you want, but 2.5 years at 28 years old does not mean time is running out, realistically speaking, either in this relationship or in life in general (I say this as a 28-year-old myself—I know what it feels like to see 30 suddenly looming, everything tends to get blown out of proprtion). Wanting to have x done by 30 is all well and good in theory, but in reality you may have to be a little flexible or risk a lot of unnecessary suffering. No one’s holding a gun to your head (I hope). Have a frank, unambiguous conversation with your boyfriend about your goals instead of trying to figure out what he’s doing/thinking without him knowing. You never know, he might be thinking along the same lines you are.
Post # 6
Snooping is unacceptable. You should come clean about that to him so he has all the facts before deciding if he wants to marry you.
Post # 7
If you haven’t point blank spoken to him about your desire to be engaged soon and have an actual timeline than you have no one to blame but yourself. People aren’t mind readers. You can’t be frustrated with him if you can’t tell him what you want.
Tell him you are ready to be engaged now and want to agree to a timeline so you know it’s coming soon. And stop snooping. I am waiting to get proposed to and I peeked the other day in his bedside drawer to see he still hasn’t upgraded the ring we are using so obviously he isn’t doing it yet and itdid nothing but piss me off. Snooping is never helpful.
Post # 8
I have a similar sitch. Together 2 years, live ins for 1 year, and both talk about marriage. Could he possibly be hiding his history under an incognito browser? Maybe he is taking caution in how to go about it since he knows you have his passwords, etc?
BUT yes, talk to him and go over timelines together! 🙂
Post # 9
I think you’re due for the timeline discussion, bee. You should really talk to him about this. Let him know that all talk and no actual concrete plans have left you feeling a little insecure about whether he is actually going to propose. I’d also let him know that you want to be engaged like, yesterday, and that you need to know for peace of mind that the proposal is being planned for this year, if that is what you want.
Post # 10
You need to get a timeline. Stop snooping, be an adult and ask HIM when he sees it happening. Problem solved
Post # 11
You wouldn’t need to snoop if you had shut down all his pie in the sky fantasies of your wedding. He needs to understand there’s no point in discussing a wedding now and I wouldn’t indulge him any more. And you know how a man makes it “crystal clear” he wants to marry you? He doesnt talk about it, he proposes. What you have now is someone who likes to talk about stuff with you, with friends, but can’t bring himself to act.
Post # 12
Not meaning to be rude, but this is terrible advice.