- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
Oh, dear. I think I’m just having a bad waiting day, or week. I need to get some stuff off my chest, since I have prohibited myself from saying anything to my SO about engagement stuff until after our 4 year anniversary in February. Disclaimer: I’m going to complain a lot, so I want you all to know that my SO and I love each other very much, are generally extremely compatible, and this relationship does generally work very smoothly.
He never brings the marriage/engagement/our future subject up on his own. When i’ve brought it up recently, there have been things he’s said that gave me hope that he is thinking about it some, and it is a possibility, but he never says much and he never initiates the conversation. I’m in a funk because I have unreasonably, and somewhat against my own wishes, got my hopes up that he might propose during a vacation we are taking in May, to a place that is very special to both of us. In my mind, that would be the perfect time and place to get engaged. But as we plan our trip, he acts totally normal, so I am 99.9% sure that has not even crossed his mind. That makes me sad, and worried about what my emotional state will be when the vacation finally comes.
The fact that our 4 year anniversary is coming soon also has me stressed about this. I want to talk about the whole thing with him again but am afraid to bring it up and not get a real answer again. I can’t understand how it could not be on his mind after this amount of time; he’s 41 and as financially stable as one could wish.
The other thing is a (minor) and stupid thing that happened today. I had a looong drive home from work and got to fantasizing about how maybe some evening when I come home, he’ll have gotten everything all fancy and propose to me. Well, when I get home, I’m grumpy from my long drive and having low blood sugar, and he announces that he’s going to some rally tomorrow. I was looking forward to a nice weekend just doing stuff together, and he springs this on me, and we don’t even give each other a kiss hello.
Ugh. I’m just feeling very down about it all. It’s made worse by the fact that I go back to school (Master’s) early next week and I had really wanted to get engaged before I went back to school, last fall. That of course did not happen.
Any advice? Encouragement? I’m in the shut-it-up-pact for a reason, I really don’t feel I can talk to him about this until I’ve given it a rest for a while.