Post # 1
ok, here’s the deal…. I am so torn about this! We have been planning a destination wedding in Jamaica to happen in May 2012. Very recently we found out I have health issues that are VERY likely going to cause me to have a hysterectmy in the next year. If not this year it is pretty much garunteed to happen in the next 3. We are not ready for kids and so don’t feel that it’s an option for us to just get pregnant early.. We wanted to wait about another 3 years. We have always wanted to adopt anyway and so we are pretty much planning on just going that rout. Why would we need to get married early you ask? Most adoption agencies require that you be married at least 3 years before you can adopt a baby. If we get married legally7 months before our wedding that would shorten the time we had to wait to adopt. Adoption can take YEARS after you start the process. If we did the legality early we would not call each other husband and wife and not tell anyone until after the wedding in May. We would just slip off somewhere for a night and do it. My fiance is compelely ok with this and doesn’t think it would take away from the day. I have mixed feelings. The day would still be very special but I am afraid it would make it LESS special. Is it worth it? I don’t know.. I don’t want to wait forever to be able to adopt but I also want my wedding to be AS SPECIAL AS IT CAN BE. So torn. thoughts?
Post # 3
I think it is fine to go ahead and get legally married now and have the wedding later.
Post # 4
I am sorry to hear about the news. It sounds like you are kind of in panic mode about this right now. First, take a deep breath! If it makes you feel better having the legal documents in early then go ahead. I don’t think it will take away from the day. However, in the grand scheme of things 7 months isn’t that long. Good luck with the adoption, I think that is awesome by the way!
Post # 5
We did this for different reasons. I won’t go into the whole situation, but while we aren’t keeping it a secret, we aren’t formally announcing it and October 29 is our “wedding day”. That is when we will celebrate our anniversary, and until then we are engaged and he is my fiance.
My family agreed when we said that we felt the same (as you) about keeping our October ceremony special, so it didn’t feel like we had already done this before. We deliberately made it very low-key (we still made it nice; our circumstances meant it MIGHT be the only wedding we would get) and nothing like what October will be.
My personal opinion – I don’t regret it at ALL. (1) There is a reason you don’t sign the marriage license in front of everyone as part of the ceremony – it is not what makes the day special. (2) We had a wonderful, mellow afternoon and evening about just us as a couple, and as fun as the wedding will be, it will NOT be mellow, and it will be a lot more than just us.
So, I think it’s totally fine, and I think anyone who cares about you will not feel slighted if they know the situation. As long as you’re not throwing yourself two equally big affairs, it’s totally understandable.
Post # 6
I know of a few couples who have done this for personal reasons. They told their immediate families (parents and siblings) and the wedding party and no one else. You can consider it a renewal of vows for yourselves. I don’t think it will take away from the day at all- you will still look lovely walking down that aisle toward the man you get to spend your life with 🙂
Post # 7
I would go get married, but I would keep it on the down-low. Only tell people you have to if you want to avoid any unnecessary drama. I think your wedding day will be just as special! 🙂 Good luck with everything. <3 Sorry to hear the news.
Post # 8
I would get married and still have your Destination Wedding wedding. In today’s world its not unusual because of the cost of weddings. My only question is why wouldn’t you tell people? Being legally married prior to your Destination Wedding will not take away from “Your Day”.
Post # 9
@medsie35: right… deep breath.. I guess I am panicing… its just alot of decisions I didn’t know I was going have to make right now and one affects the other.
Post # 11
@squeak35: we wouldnt tell people because we ourselves would not consider ourselves married. So in an effort to preserve the wedding as our actual wedding we would not tell. I think it would make the wedding anti clamactic (sp) for some people if they knew.
Post # 12
Sorry to hear about your health problems. I know that can’t make making a decision like this easier. We almost did the same thing because my Fiance had some health issues and would have been better covered on my insurance. As much as I would have loved our 9-10-11 wedding date I would have married him at any time in order to deal with the health problems. Luckily we got through them on his insurance just fine though.
Post # 13
I think that’s a very good reason to and I see no problem with it. A lot of people do, so for that reason I would do as others have said and keep it on the down low. I don’t know if I would tell anyone at all if we were in that situation.
On another note, adoption doesn’t always take as long as they say it will. 🙂 We adopted my little sister less than a year after my parents filed the paperwork. Granted, she was a special needs adoption (minor) but even if she hadn’t been, the agent said that it probably wouldn’t take as long as the projection.
Post # 14
@ppplll6: My wedding day is Nov. 11 of this year, but we were legally married this July to avoid issues with health insurance. It’s fine, and it’s not taking away any from the special day with the families. Just be sure you agree upon who you are telling about the civil service beforehand. Some familiy member takes things the wrong way.
Post # 15
My mom got married JOP and then had the big church wedding 5 years later. She was so glad she did!! Her wedding day was just as special to her only she didn’t sweat the small stuff like the flowers being perfect but she still was overwhelmed and excited when she saw my dad at the end of the aisle. I say go for it!!
Post # 16
i struggled with getting legally married even a week early to make it easier since i was having a Destination Wedding. in the end i didn’t. for one, it was pretty simple, and i was glad that my wedding day was our legal day, so i understand your thinking that it will be more “special” or meaningful. however, in your case, i would think the desire to adopt in 3 years far outweighs wanting to make that one day more special. if you think about logically, it doesn’t make sense to wait – 7 months more of waiting to have a child in order to make ONE day *maybe* feel more real and special. if you do everything you say and dont call each other husband and wife and all that, it will be special as it will still be the next stage in your relationship.