(Closed) Getting legally married 7 months before the wedding?????

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    Wait the extra 7 months to adopt, your wedding day would be affected. : (17 votes)
    26 %
    Other (please comment!) : (5 votes)
    8 %
    Get married legally before, it won't affect the specialness of your day. : (44 votes)
    67 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think it is fine to go ahead and get legally married now and have the wedding later. 

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    245 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I am sorry to hear about the news. It sounds like you are kind of in panic mode about this right now. First, take a deep breath! If it makes you feel better having the legal documents in early then go ahead. I don’t think it will take away from the day. However, in the grand scheme of things 7 months isn’t that long. Good luck with the adoption, I think that is awesome by the way!

    Post # 5
    Member
    375 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We did this for different reasons. I won’t go into the whole situation, but while we aren’t keeping it a secret, we aren’t formally announcing it and October 29 is our “wedding day”. That is when we will celebrate our anniversary, and until then we are engaged and he is my fiance.

    My family agreed when we said that we felt the same (as you) about keeping our October ceremony special, so it didn’t feel like we had already done this before. We deliberately made it very low-key (we still made it nice; our circumstances meant it MIGHT be the only wedding we would get) and nothing like what October will be.

    My personal opinion – I don’t regret it at ALL. (1) There is a reason you don’t sign the marriage license in front of everyone as part of the ceremony – it is not what makes the day special. (2) We had a wonderful, mellow afternoon and evening about just us as a couple, and as fun as the wedding will be, it will NOT be mellow, and it will be a lot more than just us.

    So, I think it’s totally fine, and I think anyone who cares about you will not feel slighted if they know the situation. As long as you’re not throwing yourself two equally big affairs, it’s totally understandable.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2584 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I know of a few couples who have done this for personal reasons. They told their immediate families (parents and siblings) and the wedding party and no one else. You can consider it a renewal of vows for yourselves. I don’t think it will take away from the day at all- you will still look lovely walking down that aisle toward the man you get to spend your life with 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I would go get married, but I would keep it on the down-low. Only tell people you have to if you want to avoid any unnecessary drama. I think your wedding day will be just as special! 🙂 Good luck with everything. <3 Sorry to hear the news.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would get married and still have your Destination Wedding wedding.  In today’s world its not unusual because of the cost of weddings.  My only question is why wouldn’t you tell people?  Being legally married prior to your Destination Wedding will not take away from “Your Day”. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Sorry to hear about your health problems. I know that can’t make making a decision like this easier. We almost did the same thing because my Fiance had some health issues and would have been better covered on my insurance. As much as I would have loved our 9-10-11 wedding date I would have married him at any time in order to deal with the health problems. Luckily we got through them on his insurance just fine though. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think that’s a very good reason to and I see no problem with it. A lot of people do, so for that reason I would do as others have said and keep it on the down low. I don’t know if I would tell anyone at all if we were in that situation.

    On another note, adoption doesn’t always take as long as they say it will. 🙂 We adopted my little sister less than a year after my parents filed the paperwork. Granted, she was a special needs adoption (minor) but even if she hadn’t been, the agent said that it probably wouldn’t take as long as the projection.

    Post # 14
    Member
    146 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @ppplll6: My wedding day is Nov. 11 of this year, but we were legally married this July to avoid issues with health insurance.  It’s fine, and it’s not taking away any from the special day with the families.  Just be sure you agree upon who you are telling about the civil service beforehand.  Some familiy member takes things the wrong way.

    Post # 15
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My mom got married JOP and then had the big church wedding 5 years later. She was so glad she did!! Her wedding day was just as special to her only she didn’t sweat the small stuff like the flowers being perfect but she still was overwhelmed and excited when she saw my dad at the end of the aisle. I say go for it!!

    Post # 16
    Member
    7296 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    i struggled with getting legally married even a week early to make it easier since i was having a Destination Wedding. in the end i didn’t. for one, it was pretty simple, and i was glad that my wedding day was our legal day, so i understand your thinking that it will be more “special” or meaningful.  however, in your case, i would think the desire to adopt in 3 years far outweighs wanting to make that one day more special.  if you think about logically, it doesn’t make sense to wait – 7 months more of waiting to have a child in order to make ONE day *maybe* feel more real and special.  if you do everything you say and dont call each other husband and wife and all that, it will be special as it will still be the next stage in your relationship.

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