(Closed) Getting legally married 7 months before the wedding?????

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    Wait the extra 7 months to adopt, your wedding day would be affected. : (17 votes)
    26 %
    Other (please comment!) : (5 votes)
    8 %
    Get married legally before, it won't affect the specialness of your day. : (44 votes)
    67 %
  • Post # 17
    334 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I wouldn’t worry about it and go right ahead! Doing the legal stuff before you commit yourself before family and friends is totally fine. In some places, like Germany, it’s actually standard.

    Post # 18
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Sorry to hear about your problem.. I don’t think it will affect the wedding day. We are doing the exact same thing with different reasons. We are of different nationality so we will need plenty of time to register our marriage in my country (Indonesia) to have it recognized. So we plan to get legally married in FH’s country (Croatia) around 6 months before the wedding that will be in Indo, so the time will allow us to do all the paperworks, legalizations through embassies, translations, etc. We are not telling everyone about this, just parents and closest family and friends. I don’t see it as a problem at all. Good luck! 

    Post # 20
    735 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @ppplll6: I think that more people consider this than we really discuss.  My best friend was ready to run to the courthouse to secure health insurance for her (now) hubby.  A school buddy DID skip over to see a Justice of the Peace during lunch (literally!) because his company was relocating him internationally and the policies would move a spouse, but not his live-in girlfriend (They’re happily planning a wedding now).

    It’s a personal choice.  But it’s a tough one to make without outside support.  Do you have anyone in your life that you trust enough to share your concerns with and discuss this with (as a couple)?  A pastor/priest/rabbi? A member of your family? someone from a support group for your health issue?  Your accountant? – because he’s going to have to know at tax time… the legal marriage will impact you filing status for 2011 taxes.

    A pre-signed marriage certificate isn’t going to make your wedding less special, unless the two of you feel that the legal marriage certifcate changes your relationship.  You won’t have celebrated your love in front of the people you love.  You won’t call each other husband and wife.  A marriage is a whole lot more than a legal document. 

    On the other hand – those adoption interview questions can be tough nerve wracking, and if your heart says you got married in May 2012, will you brain have to keep censoring you to say the “right, legal” anniversary date?  Will that fluster you and make you nervous for the rest of your interaction?

    Also – if you decide to wait (you may) – have you looked in to the “rules” regarding private adoptions and international adoptions?  They can be pretty costly, and some people would rather not go that route for other reasons; but those options do exist.

    Best wishes to you, whatever you decide.  It certainly sounds like you have a loving a supportive man by your side and the two of you are ready to weather things together.  That’s what marriage should be about.

    Post # 21
    7365 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I say go ahead and get married before hand. Like

    View original reply
    @dynamic_duo: said I think the adopt takes precendance. I personally wouldnt keep a secret. People understand the complexities of marraige ceremonies. Having a 2nd wedding is nothing new. No one is going to think your public ceremony is less special because you guys had a private one first.

    Post # 22
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Crap. I voted wrong. I meant to vote for getting married now and clicked the 7 months option by mistake.

    I don’t think keeping it a secret really matters; it certainly wouldn’t affect my feelings about a friend’s wedding if I knew they’d been legally married for some months before the church ceremony/reception. There are all kinds of reasons for something like that, and they aren’t really anyone else’s business. 🙂


    Post # 23
    827 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Not that they were in your position, but I found it odd that a couple I know who had been legally married for a year still had an engagement party, extravagant bachelor/ bachelorette parties, and a bridal shower to which the invitation said, “[the bride] is saying goodbye to her single life.”

    I understand why you would want to have a reception after getting legally married and even a ceremony if you are religious (this ceremony was not religious at all); however, all of the other parties are special because of the anticipation of two people are that about to join their lives and if you’re already legally married you’ve already committed to that. I would ask if you could do those before you legally wed?

    Post # 24
    213 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    My Fiance and I have been legally married for 6 weeks. We’re still 7 months away from our Jamaican destination wedding. He lost his health insurance so we got married so he could be covered on my plan at work. We didn’t run around telling everyone that we got married but did make it clear to both of our parents beforehand. We had close friends come as our witness (our families live to far to be able to attend/it was kinda quick) and had dinner and drinks with them after. Since then, other friends and family members have found out (I also recently blogged about it) and everyone has been supportive and not questioned our decision.

    Our friends and family agree with and understand our decision. It is a long time to be in a grey area but we are doing somethings to keep our wedding day our wedding day. We still refer to each other as Fiance. Every once in a while we mention that we’re married in a joking/cutesy manner but when talking to others and introducing others he’s my Fiance. I’m also not changing my name until after the wedding. Our wedding date will be our anniversary but we’ll always do something small on the day of our civil ceremony to mark that date as well.

    Post # 25
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I did this and do not regret it our ‘church wedding’ will be in about two weeks and we have been legally married for months – I was apprehensive when we first talked about it but it was a really good decision – plenty of people know and some don’t know everyone is really excited anyway

    Post # 26
    22 posts
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I got married legally last week, my ceremony is not until April, nobody knows and I don’t really feel like I am married just yet. I know it sounds strange, for me it will be a real wedding day when we are celebrating it with our closest friends and family.



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