- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
So I have a conundrum.
I’m getting “officially” engaged next month around Thanksgiving. I know, I know, that’s not problematic, silly Torrid!
Me and SO already set a date for the wedding for December 14th, 2013. However, SO is military and is deploying early next year, and the wedding would be when he gets back. We were talking, and he asked me if we could get legally married before he left. He said he’s been doing a lot of thinking and talking with other married soldiers, and he would feel a lot better if we were married when he left for the following reasons:
-If something happened to him, I would be notified directly, and I would be able to make decisions regarding his health, which he would prefer (if I were just his Fiance, I would not be notified or considered)
-I would be the beneficiary of his life insurance instead of his parents
-I would get health insurance, dental, and optical care
-He would earn more because we would be married while deployed, and we could use the money towards the wedding/house/car
-I would have access to support groups for spouses going through deployment
-We would be put on the housing list on base, if not we would receive housing allowance so I could set up our own place while he’s gone, or we could do it together before he leaves so he has a place to come home to
-Just the overall benefits of being a military spouse
It’s really important to him that I’m taken care of if something were to happen to him, and he would much prefer that I’m his wife when he leaves so that I am considered by the military and kept up-to-date.
Logically, I agree with this and I think it’s the best thing we could do. However, I feel conflicted for some reason. We still want to have the ceremony we planned. My parents had offered to pay for the venue (which is a package deal), and when this idea was brought up, they seemed fine with it. They are ex-military, so they understand the circumstances and the uncertainties. He knows his mom will be upset that we didn’t have a religious ceremony “right off the bat,” but the ceremony next year is religious in nature. But I guess my conflicted feelings come from thinking how the other guests will feel.
I guess I’m afraid people will think, “Well, they’ve been married for almost a year, why should they have a wedding?” Me and SO won’t be together (except for a few weeks) during the time we would get legally married before the wedding, so to me, the ceremony when he gets home really gets to start the beginning of our “married life” together. To me, it will be very special.
Anyway, what do you guys think? What would you do? :S
Military bees, I really would appreciate your opinions.