(Closed) Getting Legally Married Before Deployment, Ceremony 9 Months Later?

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Should me & my guy get legally married before his deployment, or wait until he gets back?
    Wait until he gets back! : (7 votes)
    14 %
    Do it before he leaves: you never know what could happen! : (39 votes)
    78 %
    POLLS ARE ONE HELL OF A DRUG. : (4 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    4984 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I would go for it. There’s too many benefits to being legally married to pass it up. Don’t tell people outside your immediate families, if you want, but I would for sure go for it. 

    Post # 4
    506 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Torrid:  I say do it but not for romatic reasons. My stepdad has been in the marines for 30 years. He has seen plenty of marriages end because this shit is a pain in the ass. I’m not saying either of you will back out, but it makes sense in this particular type of relationship to deal with married responsibilities for a bit before you have the party.

    Plenty of people have their weddings after their legal ceremonies now. You will be so fine and normal. 

    Post # 5
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would probably be hesitant if you were civilian, but if you two are 100% sure you’re getting married anyway it’s a BIG difference in money and benefits to be married during deployment and I would probably go for it – how exciting!!

    Post # 7
    1830 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    If hour SO feels that strongly, get married now, small, simple courthouse. Just very immediate family and friends. Have the big wedding once he gets back. People will understand, and will still want to attend your wedding come Dec 2013.

    Post # 8
    7311 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    Have you two survived a deployment already? I don’t mean to sound callous, but not every relationship can survive the full deployment cycle of prep through re-adjustment. Maybe wait and see. I’m sure you have nothing but confidence, as you should, but living through it is much more intense than some can imagine. Just a thought.

    Post # 10
    2863 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think this is just about the only time when a legal marriage followed by a ” wedding ” is approproiate. I say go for it, people will absolutely understand the timing.

    Post # 12
    1653 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Go for it :). You can still make it simple yet special now, and then plan for the bigger event next year with your friends and family. 

    Post # 14
    630 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Yes, for sure. Have a courthouse ceremony now. When he returns have your original planned ceremony. It will technically be a vow renewal but so fitting to celebrate his return and your renewal of your marriage vows. Since you won’t be living together it will be that much more meaningful.

    I can’t think of a justifiable reason for people to be upset in this situation.

    Post # 15
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I was in your exact same position back in May. We got married right before he left (month 3 of 9 months, woo!) I felt kind of iffy at first thinking people would get mad if we had a civil ceremony first and a wedding later.  It makes sense for all the reasons you can (benefits) and cannot think of (Totally check and see if your fiance’s unit does a Yellow Ribbon Event). For the people with the negative attitudes, tell them simply you were both doing what’s best for your new family and hope they can see how the circumstances put you in a bind. I wish you all the best!

    Post # 16
    3968 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    If you told me he suggested getting married beforehand and he said no and he’d just left for deployment (and we were BFFs) I would say WHAT?!?!?!? You deserve the rights of a military spouse, you are supporting him emotionally (and I’m assuming somewhat financially while he’s gone). It’s not that “things might happen” and you deserve his benefits (the insurance, etc), I mean, that IS important. But I know when it comes to the military, wives are way different than girlfriends. And if it makes your Fiance feel more secure in leaving, we are all for making your future hubby happy 🙂 And then rock out 9 months later. Seriously. 

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