Post # 1
Hi fellow bees,
My fiance is in the military and currently stationed in Germany. Our wedding is in April 2013 and I want to head to Germany with him right after the wedding. By that point we will have been apart for close to a year! However, I have to update all my legal documents and we have to be placed in base housing before I can, and all of that will take 1-2 months after the wedding.
We’re thinking about going to the courthouse in December when he visits and getting legally married so that we can take care of everything before our wedding and not have to spend extra time apart afterwards. We’re not planning on telling anyone so that our wedding day will still be as special as it should be. But I’m worried that I won’t have the same feelings on the wedding day.
Will our big day be less special?
Post # 3
I don’t think it would make your day any less special. I’d just advise against keeping it a secret. I wouldn’t necessarily announce it to all of your guests, but perhaps consider telling your immediate families so there are not hurt feelings? Not that I’m in any place to judge, but your reasoning for getting legally married before hand seems totally understandable. I don’t blame you for wanting to move right away.
God bless your Fiance for serving.
Post # 4
Fiance and I did this, no problemo. Our wedding date is MONTHS before our wedding day reception. Didn’t make anything less special
Post # 5
We’re considering this at the moment. My fiance is itching to get married, but we can’t really afford it at the moment, so we’re considering just going down to our local registery office and doing it before the end of the year.
I hope it doesn’t take anything away from when we do have a big wedding with our friends, and I get to wear the big white dress!
Post # 6
@MrsPaulsBabyBallerina My mom is the most important person to me, so naturally I spoke to her about this. But she kind of freaked out and told me that our wedding would be meaningless if they did this. Thats why we considered keeping it quiet so we wouldn’t upset anyone.
@garden_bride That makes me feel alot better!
Post # 7
I think you should do it, but don’t keep it a secret. It’s bound to come out when peopel realize that you don’t have to wait to move.
Post # 8
We did it, and my brother and his wife did too (theirs was for the same reason as you) and my day was as special as if we weren’t legally married. My SIL says the same thing, it didn’t really make a difference in how much she loved her day. I wouldn’t think twice about it and just do it, there are times when it realy makes more sense than not to.
Post # 9
We got married two days before our actual wedding day, because we wanted my husband’s uncle (who is a minister) to marry us at the wedding, but he couldn’t legally because he is not a citizen. So, we went to the courthouse and got married, and only three people know about it besides ourselves (two witnesses and my mom.) We didn’t tell anyone else because we weren’t sure how people would react. But no one pried or suspected anything, even the family members that know he’s not a citizen. It didn’t make our wedding day any less special. We also wrote our own vows, so it was a little more than just repeating the same things we said at the courthouse.
I would definitely do it, because the last thing you are going to want is to be apart after the wedding! And it is very common for military couples to do this, so you are not alone.
Post # 10
Do you ladies consider your wedding day (not your legal marriage date) your anniversary?
Post # 11
@KtGannon: We did both of ours on the same date a year apart, long story, but we talked about it before and we were going to consider the wedding our anniversary date. I know that my brother and SIL do also, although they usually try to go to dinner just the two of them on their legal date. Makes a great excuse for a nice date night once you have kids.
Post # 12
My Fiance and I got married just under a week ago! We just dressed up a bit and went to the registry office with only 2 very close friends/witnesses, also because of visa issues. In hindsight, I wouldn’t have done it any other way. While I was a bit apprehensive about it at first it turned into such a wonderful moment – no ceremony, no big party, just two people making a wonderful commitment. It took 5 mins, we both teared up and then treated our friends to breakfast. I know we’re *technically* married but with the big wedding to look forward to it just feels like a very joyous first step on the way to marriage.
Post # 13
@Oxfordnerd: You two look so happy! 😀 This is a beautiful picture!
I have absolutely no qualms about a couple getting married legally before their wedding day for the benefits/ability to live together/etc. I would definitely tell your family, though, and if they say it’ll make it less special just say that you’ve thought out this decision and you know that it’s the best one for you, and you know it’ll still be special because you’ll be surrounded by your family and friends!
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
We were thinking of doing this too, for health insurance reasons. We also would want to keep it hush-hush except immediate family, for the same reason that guests might not feel the wedding is as specil if they knew we were already married. As long as your family can keep the secret, I don’t think it’s a big deal.
@Oxfordnerd:Congrats – what a great picture!
Post # 15
how does this work exactly. If you went and got married legally but still wanted a 2nd ceremony. who performs the 2nd ceremony and how is it different?
We are contemplating this because i am pregnant. The baby is due 5 months before our wedding date but it would make things easier when regisering baby if we are married before the due date.
Post # 16
I think based on your reasoning it’s fine, but I think you need to be up front about it and not hide the marriage. People get mad when there is deceit. But making sure you and your Fiance are together is important, too! Get married, be together, and then have the huge celebration a few months later while all the bureaucratic redtape is already being cut!