(Closed) Getting Legally Married Before Our Wedding Day?

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think it would make your day any less special.  I’d just advise against keeping it a secret.  I wouldn’t necessarily announce it to all of your guests, but perhaps consider telling your immediate families so there are not hurt feelings?  Not that I’m in any place to judge, but your reasoning for getting legally married before hand seems totally understandable.  I don’t blame you for wanting to move right away.

God bless your Fiance for serving.

Post # 4
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Fiance and I did this, no problemo. Our wedding date is MONTHS before our wedding day reception. Didn’t make anything less special

 

Post # 5
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We’re considering this at the moment.  My fiance is itching to get married, but we can’t really afford it at the moment, so we’re considering just going down to our local registery office and doing it before the end of the year.

I hope it doesn’t take anything away from when we do have a big wedding with our friends, and I get to wear the big white dress!

Post # 7
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think you should do it, but don’t keep it a secret. It’s bound to come out when peopel realize that you don’t have to wait to move. 

Post # 8
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We did it, and my brother and his wife did too (theirs was for the same reason as you) and my day was as special as if we weren’t legally married. My SIL says the same thing, it didn’t really make a difference in how much she loved her day.  I wouldn’t think twice about it and just do it, there are times when it realy makes more sense than not to.

Post # 9
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We got married two days before our actual wedding day, because we wanted my husband’s uncle (who is a minister) to marry us at the wedding, but he couldn’t legally because he is not a citizen. So, we went to the courthouse and got married, and only three people know about it besides ourselves (two witnesses and my mom.) We didn’t tell anyone else because we weren’t sure how people would react. But no one pried or suspected anything, even the family members that know he’s not a citizen. It didn’t make our wedding day any less special. We also wrote our own vows, so it was a little more than just repeating the same things we said at the courthouse.

I would definitely do it, because the last thing you are going to want is to be apart after the wedding! And it is very common for military couples to do this, so you are not alone. 

Post # 11
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@KtGannon:  We did both of ours on the same date a year apart, long story, but we talked about it before and we were going to consider the wedding our anniversary date.  I know that my brother and SIL do also, although they usually try to go to dinner just the two of them on their legal date.  Makes a great excuse for a nice date night once you have kids.

Post # 12
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance and I got married just under a week ago! We just dressed up a bit and went to the registry office with only 2 very close friends/witnesses, also because of visa issues. In hindsight, I wouldn’t have done it any other way. While I was a bit apprehensive about it at first it turned into such a wonderful moment – no ceremony, no big party, just two people making a wonderful commitment. It took 5 mins, we both teared up and then treated our friends to breakfast. I know we’re *technically* married but with the big wedding to look forward to it just feels like a very joyous first step on the way to marriage. 

Post # 13
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Oxfordnerd:  You two look so happy! 😀 This is a beautiful picture!

I have absolutely no qualms about a couple getting married legally before their wedding day for the benefits/ability to live together/etc. I would definitely tell your family, though, and if they say it’ll make it less special just say that you’ve thought out this decision and you know that it’s the best one for you, and you know it’ll still be special because you’ll be surrounded by your family and friends!

Post # 14
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

We were thinking of doing this too, for health insurance reasons. We also would want to keep it hush-hush except immediate family, for the same reason that guests might not feel the wedding is as specil if they knew we were already married.  As long as your family can keep the secret, I don’t think it’s a big deal.

@Oxfordnerd:Congrats – what a great picture!

Post # 15
Member
2016 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

how does this work exactly. If you went and got married legally but still wanted a 2nd ceremony. who performs the 2nd ceremony and how is it different?

We are contemplating this because i am pregnant. The baby is due 5 months before our wedding date but it would make things easier when regisering baby if we are married before the due date.

Post # 16
Member
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think based on your reasoning it’s fine, but I think you need to be up front about it and not hide the marriage.  People get mad when there is deceit.  But making sure you and your Fiance are together is important, too!  Get married, be together, and then have the huge celebration a few months later while all the bureaucratic redtape is already being cut!

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