(Closed) Getting legally married before the wedding–do you like/dislike the idea?

posted 10 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: Have you or do you plan to get legally married before your wedding day?




  • Post # 3
    2430 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    We might do it the day before the wedding, just for logistics, but I wouldn’t want to do it months in advance. 

    Post # 4
    403 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    It makes no sense to get married before the wedding.  If you are already married there can not be a wedding- it’s just a party then.

    Post # 5
    1335 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I didn’t vote because I personally don’t give a rip what people do.  There are so many reasons why some people need to do that (insurance, family member dying, a private moment without the drama, etc).  It doesn’t infringe on my life any as a guest or friend of theirs.  But I know it’s a heated topic on the bee.

    Post # 6
    507 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My Fiance and I will be getting married several months before our acual wedding due to immigration purposes. This isn’t really ideal for either of us – but it’s the only way that we can actually be together while still having the wedding we’ve always dreamed of. A lot of people on this site are overly opinioated about the fact that they think that ‘getting married first and having a wedding later’ is somehow horribly wrong. Frankly, I don’t care what they all think though … because a vast majority have never even been in a situation where it might have been necessary. 

    Post # 7
    9973 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think if you do this, you need to be up front with your guests.  By being married and not telling them, I see that as lying.  If you did a courthouse ceremony and then told me, I’d be okay with the celebration.  I am not okay with lying (even if it’s lying by omission.)  Just my personal opinion!

    Post # 8
    2468 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think it depends on the situation. For me I do not feel truly married until I have that church/religious ceremony. So if something arose where I needed to get legally married before I could get married in my church then I would most certainly do that. I was in the military so I know a lot of people that got married legally because of surprise deployments and such and I would have done it in a heartbeat. 

    @Hobokenbride2012:  for some people it is not just a party but a religious ceremony. If you have no religious views on it then I agree completely with your statement.


    Post # 9
    7528 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t really want to get legally married prior to our actual wedding day, but I can see how a situation could arise that could make it better for that to happen.  It’s something I’ve thought about because it may logistically be simpler.  I just don’t know how I feel about it, though.  Because which would be your real wedding date?  The courthouse legal day or the ceremony/reception day? 

    I’m not completely either for or against it and am interested in what others say.  I voted possibly. 

    My Fiance and I have never discussed it but I don’t think he’d go for it, because our wedding is extremely important to him, in fact, the entire ceremony idea and details are mainly his choosing.  He wants me in the long white dress and for us to say our vows in front of our loved ones, so very much.  I would have been ok with a private ceremony for just the two of us, but his family is very close.  Since it means so much to him I probably won’t suggest we get legally married before the day.  We are still going to have a private beach ceremony after our garden family wedding, and repeat our vows to each other, although they will be as husband and wife.  If we were already legally married prior to our garden wedding that would be marrying him three times!  Wow.

    Post # 10
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We got married in a private ceremony at my church two days before the outdoor wedding on family property.

    We chose to do this because of my religious needs.  Maybe 15% of the guests at the big outdoor wedding/reception knew of the other private event. 

    Post # 11
    531 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’ve heard of a lot of military doing this so their SO gets on the insurance and all that good stuff

    Post # 12
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I will be getting married a few days before because it’s hassle to do it on the day you already have so much going on. I don’t feel that I will be lying to anyone because the religious ceremony it’s what really matters TO ME 🙂

    Post # 13
    298 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My Fiance and I have to be legally wed a few days before our ceremony for complicated reasons.  We do not consider it our wedding day.  We will not exchange rings or call each other husband and wife.  It is simply paperwork and has absolutely nothing to do with the emotional and soulful commitment are making to one another.  The day we say our vows in front of all our family and friends is our wedding day. 

    I couldn’t give a damn less about what the governments paperwork dictates it should be.

    Ive never even considered the paperwork at all the weddings I’ve been to to be pertinent.  I consider the moment they vow their love to be the moment they are wed not when they sign a piece of paper.  What if they forget to sign it or the officiant doesn’t send it out right away, are they any less married lol?

    Sorry about the typos!

    Post # 14
    6610 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think that sometimes couples definitely have reasons to get legally married before they’re able to celebrate, and that’s totally cool.

    Post # 15
    295 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I know its totally personal choice and people have reasons to do what they do so Im not saying either way is right or wrong but I would NEVER even consider getting married before the actual wedding, Fiance and I are having a destination wedding and we were torn between Aruba and Jamaica but once we found out that in Aruba you have to legally marry the day before your beach ceremony it wasnt even a question that Jamaica was the winner. To me the best part of the wedding is actually becoming legally married and saying your vows and sharing your love with family and friends the day you get married. I feel like the magic would be completely gone from my day if it wasnt legit on the day of my wedding…..like someone said in a previous post its ultimately just a party if youre already married….

    Post # 16
    2536 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We’re not doing it, but I’ve known couples who have had to get married before or after their wedding day for different reasons. 

    The topic ‘Getting legally married before the wedding–do you like/dislike the idea?’ is closed to new replies.

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