(Closed) Getting married 7 weeks before my cousin…wrong?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
8943 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think that a cousin’s wedding being that close is different than a sibling’s wedding that close.  Honestly, how many people in common will you have at each wedding?  How much does travel to Ireland cost for you guys?  For us in the states, it would be ridiculous, but I’m guessing yours wouldn’t be bad.

Post # 4
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1993

Are all your family and friends in the UK? Or are many people coming from much further away? (like America)

If not, then your cousin can deal. That’s almost two months. 

We had three cousins get married within 10 weeks last summer – all the same side of my DH’s family. Not one of them consulted with us (we were the first to get engaged, and booked by at least a year on the other two) on picking their date (and one was only 3 weeks later), nor did we expect them to. 

Post # 5
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

There’s absolutely no reason you should change your date. You became engaged first and chose the wedding date and place you wanted. Your family will choose which wedding they can attend if they can’t attend both. He’s being ridiculous in saying that you should change your date. 

Post # 6
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it’s inappropriate they gave you flack about. You don’t have to consult with anyone (except maybe parents) because it’s your day! Also, 7 weeks is nearly 2 months so what were you suppose to do? 

Post # 7
3605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I didn’t consult with him as he didn’t with me

you both are booked so i wouldnt change – its only Ireland (for travel), it not like you are asking people to go to NY or the maldives

Post # 8
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You do not need to change your date. You were engaged first, but regardless, he doesn’t get to reserve half a year for his wedding (which is one day!) just because both of your weddings require travel. I shouldn’t think that a flight from the UK to Irelad would be that expensive anyways? Good luck!

Post # 9
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t worry about it too much, it is 7 weeks apart and like a PP said it’s not like it is a sibling’s wedding. We booked our wedding venue a year and a half before our wedding and my cousin just booked hers for the same day in a different province knowing that we had already set a date and booked our venue.  Seven weeks apart would be a non issue for me. 

Post # 10
2674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Kaytee27042013:  Both weddings are far enough in advance that people should be able to save for both if you send out the STDs soon. If you were booking them 7 weeks apart this summer than I would understand his POV, but they’re far enough out that it should not matter. He does not own the whole year.

Post # 11
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

7 weeks is enough of a gap to not worry about it. One of my partners Groomsmen proposed three months after we had asked him to be in the bridal party & he is now having his wedding two weeks before us (he’s been aware of our date since we had asked him to be GM) and I think that is too close. Anything more is ok

Post # 12
2214 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t see anything wrong with it. We got married 3 weeks after my cousin and neither of us went to eachothers wedding either. But in fairness we were both in or just out of college and Mr. Hedgie and I live in TX and they live in MI. We couldn’t afford it. Our family didn’t bat an eye either. Now… they did get pretty upset when they stole our original wedding date but oh well. Life goes on and July 10th was SO much better!

I wouldn’t worry about the dates being so close. It wasn’t intentional and its almost like one long family reunion! Now, the part I might be concerend with is the whole having guests travel twice. But, lucky for you (and I know this is really bad to say but I experienced this with my family and we all live in the same country!) you are getting married first. So if people have to choose, you are likely to see more family.

Post # 13
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My sister set her date for Sept 2013 three years ago, and I just got engaged in december and my date is set for July 2013…..there’s only so much time in life…I chose this date because of my work schedule so I can’t change it…….


I figure that this is my day and that is her day…people will choose whether or not they want to go to either or both weddings….I figure if people feel they need to choose they don’t need to be at my wedding and I would not mind them declining….then I can invite more of my friends (i have a lot of aunts and uncles)…..


I had two friends who got married within a month of each other…no one cared….everyone had a great time at both weddings……and everyone is still friends….I think maturity also makes a difference….

Post # 14
51 posts
Worker bee

No you did nothing wrong and dont have to change your date people will either attend both or one or neither.  IF YOU REALLY WANT TO CHANGE YOUR DATE you could do it the day before or the day after hers to accomodate travelers.  Doubt she’d like that though.  

Post # 15
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your cousin gets his DAY, you get yours.  There is no reason you should have to move your wedding.  Flights from the UK to Ireland are very reasonable; if people are really on budgets they’ll buy a ryanair or easyjet ticket at 3 AM for the lowest rates or just choose one or the other.  It is a little ridiculous of him to expect you to find a new date, especially if you have already booked the venue.

Post # 16
7941 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sorry, I’m going to go against the grain here and say yeah its wrong BUT that doesn’t mean that either of you should have to change your dates. Just keep in mind that it will be very inconvienent for both couples and your guests for several reasons.

I say this because I am currently dealing with this issue myself as my cousin planned her wedding six weeks before mine, after I had already booked my date. In the beginning people said it wasn’t a big deal but I had my concerns. The closer we get to the date the more people are beginning to speak up regarding the extra strain on finances, time off, travel expenses etc.

It has nothing to do with you getting one day or stealing thunder, it is just logistically difficult. Again, there is really nothing anyone can do…it is what it is.

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