(Closed) Getting married at 19

posted 4 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 46
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

anastasia1234:  Not to scare you but people change so much throughout the years. I was with my HS sweetheart for 6 years before I turned 22 and we ended up breaking up but there was issues to begin with. Then there are couples that I know that have been together since they were 13 and are married now with kids… can’t really say. Do what you want to, but I don’t see the rush in marriage in waiting a bit longer. Also, at 19 I thought I was grown and an adult…at 26 things change so much in how you grow, what you like, how you view things, etc.

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Mlim.
Post # 47
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

I think that you sound very mature and level-headed and NOTHING that you have said indicates that you aren’t taking marriage seriously. I wouldn’t have been able to guess how young you are based on your post!

To give another perspective: I don’t feel that I have changed hugely since my early 20s (I’m nearly 36 now). I was a little older than you when I met my partner, and honestly, I was ready to settle down then. Not everyone has a massive life transgression in their 20s- it depends on the person.

I think that you should do what YOU feel is right. Good luck!

Post # 48
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with what GooteyBootey said. Marriage is hard. And there is a lot that you have to consider and think about before taking that plunge. I was married at 19 myself. Three years later we were divorced. We both grew up and we both matured and then we both came to the realization that we just weren’t right for each other. I won’t tell you NOT to do it, ultimately you are the only one that can make that decision. And things may turn out just fine for you. But I will tell you that marriage isn’t the “make all break all” of relationships. There’s no reason why you can’t be totally committed and totally in love without being married. 

My suggestion would be to wait. Give it time and take time for yourselves. Explore new opportunities and grow. If you are truly meant to be, you will still be together. There is plenty of time yet to think about marriage. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide! 

 

Post # 49
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I got married at 20 and we still are happily married 9yrs on. For me its about age its how much you want or are willing to fight for your relationship and how serious you take your vows. I know there are many reasons why people divorce and that’s there choice. However for me personally my husband and I do everything in our power to work st the relationship when times are hard. I met and married in just under 7months and it was the best decision I’ve made personally. Like you we compliment each others strengths and weaknesses. Also I am a believer that we live for now now years down the line. As anything could happen and we might not have a tomorrow. Good luck ๐Ÿ˜Š

anastasia1234:  

Post # 50
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Look, there’s two sides to the situation and you have to decide for yourself which side you’re gonna fall on. There’s the side that says “You have so much llfe you can live as a single person. What if at 21 you decide you want to study abroad in Spain? What if at 22 you decide you want to move to California to pursue “x” career? Live out your youth while you can because you can’t get that back!” The other side says “If you think you’re ready, than you are. Marrying young means you learn about the world together. Sure, many parts are going to be rough, but you go through it together.” 

 

I can see both sides of it. I am only 22, and getting married next year. SOOO many comments about how young I am, but I’m still finishing school and have a life and a career. I know that I’m marrying on the young side, but want the “adventures of my youth” to be with my husband! It’s up to you and what you feel is best for you! But you need to think about if you’re ready to settle down. And give up some possible opportunites in the future that you would be able to explore maybe if you weren’t married. Good luck to you!

Post # 51
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Nazareth Hall

anastasia1234:  I think these are questions only you can answer. I got engaged at 20, so not much older then you are now, and I got a lot of “but you’re so young”, “you should wait”, etc. We married a year and a half later, a month after I turned 22. Are we young? Yes. However, even my mother says I’m mature beyond my years, and while I look like a teen, I get mistaken for late 20s based on behavior. We own a home, three pets, have great jobs, and are excited for the future together. We did what was right for us and not everyone else.

 

That being said, I know a girl who is now divorced at 20 because her husband had an affair after they married when she was 18. They knew each other for barely a year before they got married. I think everyone is different and some people are together forever and others divorce, but it doesn’t relate solely to age that you marry. What are you doing for work? Are you in college, is he? Where will you live? Do you make enough combined income to support yourselves and put away money in savings? Do you want kids, does he, and when? What about pets? Who will manage finances? Private school or public? Will you go to church on Sundays or are you not religious? These are the questions to ask before you tie the knot.

Post # 52
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

anastasia1234:  The problem I have with people getting married so young is not the fact that you’re missing out on dating all of these other people, but you change SO EFFING MUCH between the ages of 19-30. This is difficult because what you really truely want out of life could very well be COMPLETELY DIFFERENT once you’ve hit your mid-late 20’s. The person you are now, and the person you think you want to marry now are most definately going to be drastically different even 5 years from now, and will that person still be the man you want to be connected with fpr thhe rest of your life?Will there even still be a connection by then? Lots of people get married at your age and stay together forever, however those people are more the exception than the rule. 

Post # 53
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

If you have to ask, then no, you are not ready.

Post # 54
Member
599 posts
Busy bee

The fact that you’re asking the question of if you are ready or not makes it seem like you may have some doubts or apprehension yourself. I agree with what others are saying; if you feel this strongly, how about a long engagement? Becoming engaged is a stage in itself, it doesn’t mean you immediately need to set a date 6 months away and start planning. Also, a wedding without champagne to enjoy doesn’t sound ideal. ๐Ÿ˜‰ No one can know if you’re ready but you, so if you have to ask you’re probably not there yet. 

Post # 55
Member
836 posts
Busy bee

no way of knowing with ANY relationship if the person is ready or mature enough regardless of age. 

I know a girl who got married at 30 after living with her bf for 5 years, got divorced 2 years later because it just didnt work out. 

My manicurist’s sister got married at 19, they are celebrating their 20th anniversary next month and are happy as can be.

 

My mother was married when she was 21. Still married to my father 21 years later.

My unlce and his ex were married around 25-26- divorced a few years ago and they are 40 and 50 now. Like there is NO WAY of knowing who is going to last and who isnt. 

My grandma says she wishes she had more time with her husband and wishes she married even earlier, she was 19 when she got married. Some people want to spend their lives with their bestfriend and grow with them and become parents etc, some people want to grow by themselves. 

 

Do you, hope it works out ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 56
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My husband and I started dating when we were both 17 years old. At 18 he proposed to me and at 19 we were married. We had literally everyone tell us that we were making a mistake. The in-law issues were unreal. He joined the Army and we moved across the country together. We got our first place together, got our first pets together, started college together, etc. It’s been an adventure to say the least. We’ve grown up together. I’ll be 22 in February so we’ve now been together over 4 years and married over 2. It’s only a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of our lives, but I would not change it for the world. I honestly believe that growing together in your “moldable stages” of life can help rather than hinder your relationship. Sometimes people wait so long to settle down that they no longer can adapt to having someone move into their homes and personal lives. My mom is a prime example. All my life she’s said she feels that starting a relationship with someone will only inconvenience her life. She’s used to being independent and having her own space. I think when you’re young you have an advantage in this way because you’re not established and can create your lives together in unison. I think you can make your lives fit together easier this way. ๐Ÿ˜Š Marriage at 19 isn’t for everyone and statistics don’t lie–many young couples do indeed fail–but you have to be determined that no matter what comes, you’ll push through. Bottom line is, no one can make the decision for you. If you’re ready to make a real commitment then go for it.

Post # 57
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

If he’s the love of your life now, he’ll still be the love of your life in 2-3 years too, right? A piece of paper won’t make you more or less comitted, nor will a big party and a fancy dress and pictures. If you truly love him, then do the mature and responsible thing and wait a couple of years to get married so that you both know it is an informed and adult decision.

EVERYONE feels this way at 19. I felt the same way about my boyfriend when I was 19, and I KNEW we were in love forever, plus we already lived together, we had jobs, I was in college and I knew what I was doing, etc etc etc. We could have gotten married, probably would have had a nice wedding too, but we never did because I wanted to wait til I finished college. The relationship lasted 3 years, but we are broken up now. We both changed a lot between 19 and 20, which is when we broke up (a month before my 21st borthday, we had been together since senior year of high school, both 18) and it was an ugly breakup. I kicked him out of our apartment, fighting over who owed who for money for things we bought together, who got to keep gifts from eachother’s families, etc. If I had married him it would have been an ugly divorce. I am IMMENSELY glad I didn’t marry him, but I can tell you for sure I wouldn’t have said that when I was 19. 

Again, if you love him so much now, what will change in a few years, other than being legally able to drink at your own wedding? It’s just a wedding, not the end of the world. You have time. You have your whole lives ahead of you, so make sure that you are making a decision you won’t regret because you rushed into it.

Just my .02. 

Post # 58
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I got married last year, at age 20. My husband was 24, so I married young, he really didn’t marry all that young. As for maturity, we are both at the same maturity level, which works great for us because we are both very responsible, pensive people. He holds a very successful position in his career currently, while I am in uni to become a lawyer. When we got engaged and married though, we were struggling financially, and it wasn’t until after we were married that we took off financially. This, right there, is something you need to be concerned about. We had so many issues over finances. After all, money makes the world go round! If you know yourself and you know your SO, you will know whether or not daily little struggles will affect your love. As for the other experiences, my dad wanted the exact same thing for me. All I have to say to that is yuck. Why go through more heartbreak than necessary?? I am the type of girl who falls in love with an SO quite easily, so I know I would have had a lot of heartbreak if I’d dated around.

That being said, marriage should not, and does not (in a healthy marriage) take away any of your individuality!!! Getting married shouldn’t be looked at as taking away your adventures and your fun. It is simply adding another person to share things with, if you want. You don’t have to take your husband to Europe with you if you don’t want to!!! Seriously, you will not be signing over permission to chain you to the house with a vacuum in one hand and a mop in the other. I lost 0 opportunities when I got married. In fact, because of my husband’s current job, I gained heaps of chances to travel the world! I never would have had those chances if I had dated around. Just my $0.02…

Post # 59
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

anastasia1234:  I got married exactly one month before my 20th birthday. Getting married young has been a great experience for me overall. No matter how old you are, marriage will always be difficult. Everything isn’t always butterflies and rainbows. That being said, I think that your maturity level should be a major deciding factor in this decision. No one wants to be told that they are immature or think that of themselves (and I am not saying you are immature) but it’s SO important to evaluate your maturity level honestly. My husband and I went through some really tough times (for example, he was diagnosed with cancer only a couple of months after we got engaged) but I think that those tough times helped us both see ourselves in the raw way that devastating times can bring out in people. We were able to handle those situations and learned a lot from them. I think that marriage at a young age is more difficult because you haven’t yet been exposed to these very hard times and may not have developed the maturity to overcome them. Of course, that’s not true for everyone and I bet you guys have had your fair share of hard times in all your years together. The point is, you just really need to be prepared to face these things with maturity because they may take a huge toll on the marriage. 

Also, I completely understand not wanting to “test the waters” but I encourage you to not be completely closed off to the idea. I didn’t date much before my husband but I had two other pretty serious relationships that helped me more clearly see that my husband is ‘the one’. I would probably always wonder what else is out there if I didn’t at least have these other experiences.

ALSO (lol) just wanted to say that getting married young does not mean you cannot ‘find yourself’ or enjoy your 20s. I absoluetly love the fact that my husband and I get to grow up together and build all we have together. I love having amazing memories that are even better because he’s in them. I love that, because we’re young, we have more flexibility in our life. Just because we’re married doesn’t mean we can’t do things other 20 year old singles do. We actully just got back from a 3 month trip of teaching English is Thailand. Gettng married isn’t the end of your freedom or fun, like some people might tell you. 

Anyway, sorry for the long post! I just hope this helps a little. ๐Ÿ™‚ Good luck!

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