Post # 1
A little backstory..my now husband and I got married at city hall because we wanted that private moment but wanted to celebrate with friends and family later so we are having a traditional wedding at a catering hall (if it was up to me I would have a party at my parents house but it seems people in my family want this..including ceremony).
HUH? I mean isn’t that odd? Sure I would love a big wedding but will guests coming think its strange that we are already married? I have a dress but I am thinking about scrapping the whole thing and getting my deposit back…
because of this I told my Maid/Matron of Honor I dont want a bridal shower or bachelorette party and she freaked out and said I might as well not have a wedding (again) then.
I genuinely dont want the shower & bachelorette..although they are being thrown FOR me it stresses me out. It makes me think of money I have to spend buying an outfit(s) and getting my hair done etc and Im already stressed about money. And I think its odd considering I am already married.
I really do need advice & quick..do I cancel and get my deposit back? Will people think the fact that we are already married is strange? Wouldn’t it be odd to have a bridal shower and bachelorette when Im already married?
Post # 2
Does everyone already know that you’re married? Why not just have the party, wear an awesome dress, and incorporate whatever specific aspects of wedding/receptions (i.e ring warming, cake cutting, “first dance”) that you like?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2015 - country club in Michigan
If you re-enact the whole thing (vows, etc), then yes. It is strange. But if you tell everyone you’re already married and just throw a fun party to celebrate your new marriage than thats awesome! But its not your wedding. You had that. This is a party to celebrate the fact you got married a little while ago in a private ceremony since that was your preference. This does mean no shower, and no bachelorette party. Those are pre-marriage events, and you’re married. (How could you celebrate being single when you’re already married? That is odd. )
People get pissed when the bride and groom dont admit they’re already married, and pretend the 2nd event is their “real” wedding. So as long as you’re honest, have fun. But its not yout wedding, and dont pretend it is. And don’t let anyone pressure you into an event you dont want. You’re an adult, and got married the way YOU wanted to. They just need to accept and deal with it.
Post # 4
I think you can do whatever you want. I had a small backyard ceremony in May, mainly for immigration reasons. There were like 6 people there, my inlaws but not even my own parents. Our “wedding” is in October. We are having a full fledged ceremony and reception because that is what we want. We will be saying vows again because I want to say vows in front of all our family and friends. We are calling it our wedding. We are open about the fact that we are already legally married because I don’t believe in secrets and there is no reason to hide it.
As for bachelorette and shower, I am not having a shower and have no interest in one. Our families and many friends live on the oppositie side of the country and we are just thrilled to have everyone come in for the wedding. Instead of a traditional “bachlorette,” I am going away for a girls weekend with 3 close friends next month. They are organizing it and maybe there will be bachelorette-ish elements (games, who knows). I dont think it’s “weird” to do this trip wheni’m already married. We are celebrating my marriage.
Everyone is thrlled for us and understands why we did it this way. If anyone gives me attitude, eff them. Thay’s just my view and experience 🙂
Post # 5
Do whatever floats your boat, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t or shouldn’t.
My husband and I were married, legally, in our home in December 2012. In June 2013, we had a wedding. I wore a wedding dress, we said our vows, we had a first dance, cake cutting, the whole deal. We had bachelor/ette parties, and we didn’t exactly personally tell each and every guest that we were already married, because it didn’t matter. We went home to celebrate our marriage, and everyone who was there was celebrating with us. If anyone was butthurt or offended that we didn’t tell them we were already married, they didn’t bring it up to us and it must not have been that big of a deal. We didn’t hide the fact we were already married, hell, my Father-In-Law poured it all over facebook!
Do what works for you. You’re perfectly allowed to have a big white wedding, if that’s what you want. Not every relationship works inside a cookie cutter, but just because your relationship is different doesn’t mean you can’t have it.
Post # 6
thanks so much guys!
I feel so much better about my decisions..truly appreciate it.
I will have the wedding & a “girls getaway”…but I dont want the shower.
Post # 7
MrsD2016: Most importantly, I forgot to say, CONGRATS!
Post # 8
You should do what ever you want. Have a full fledge ceremony. Enjoy it!
Post # 9
We did this! Yesterday was our Wedding, but we got married legally in April. We dressed nicely for the April legal ceremony, but didin’t make a big deal out of it. We didn’t say vows or do rings or even call each other husband and wife (unless we had to). Just said the legal lines and signed the papers with our witnesses. Our wedding yesterday was definitely the Real Wedding, I wore a gown, shared vows and rings, had our families in attendence. It was an amazing and magical day and I’m so glad we did it. All of our guests knew we were legally married, they also all knew we counted yesterday as our real wedding.
They did throw me a shower in July because they wanted to, and it was a really nice day of visiting with my friends, mom, and aunt. I wasn’t going to ask for one since we were already married, but they did it because they love me and wanted to be involved in this incredible moment in my life.
It’s not for everyone, but I have absolutely zero regrets about doing it, and neither do any of our guests, so it worked out perfectly for us!
Post # 10
I don’t get this. You wanted a small private ceremony, you got it. Congrats, you’re married! Either throw a party later to celebrate, or don’t. None of the other stuff is really applicable…you aren’t a bachelorette anymore, and you really shouldn’t reenact your wedding for those you didn’t invite the first time around. Just stick to your guns, ie “We wanted a small ceremony, thanks anyway!” and you’ll be fine.