(Closed) Getting married, babies, growing up AHHHHHHH

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
128 posts
Blushing bee

I became pregnant with my SO when we were very young, it was completely unexpected I was not married, still in school, and in no way ready for it. but i’ll tell you what…..my son has completely changed my life. FOR THE BETTER. The day he was born turned out to be the best day of my life from then on. All of my worries felw right out the door. I loved him sooooo much. What they say about motherly instinct is completely true. It was much easier than I thought. He brought so so so much happiness into my life and to be honest that is what was the most unexpected. The joy and unconditional love that he brought to me was the best part. You don’t have to change your life for your children…they can adapt to yours and they will make you a better person. I continued school (college) when he was a baby and it made me work so much harder I ended up graduating top of my class. And I landed great jobs because of it to be able to support him and it was all because of him. Without him I don’t know where I’d be right now.

Jump ahead many many many years and here I am without having any more kids and I wish so badly to have another. I babysit for my best friend all the time because her son too brings me a lot of joy during my days just to see his smile, his laugh, and how much he loves to be around me. he is a complete stress reliever. If my SO said those things to me like he wanted to have more right away once we finally do get married I’d feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Post # 4
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think one of the hardest parts about TTC is that it is SUCH A BIG DECISION that once you decide- you expect it to happen right away.  And for most people, it doesn’t.  (Just a semi-related note πŸ™‚

My best advice is not to rush yourself.  You will know if and when you are ready!!!!

Post # 7
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@kim14410: breathe, calm down πŸ™‚

yeah kids are a HUGE responsibility, I’m not a mom, but I work as a nanny and yes sometimes i want to pull my hair out, but most of the time I get so much joy from being around them and the love they give to me πŸ™‚

you should talk to your Fiance about your feelings.. I couldn’t get from the post if you have talked to him about this or not??

I wish my Fiance would say that haha well I’m only 22 but sometimes i have the biggest baby fever.. I would be completely okay with having a baby a year after our wedding.. I’ll be done with my bachelor’s by then. but Fiance wants to wait till he’s done with pharmacy school.. 3 1/2 years from now.. boo I understand where he’s coming from, he wants to be able to provide everything for our child and myself.. but sometimes I think if I got pregnant after the wedding I’d be happy πŸ™‚ but of course both Fiance and I have to be on the same page..

but yeah just don’t overthink it πŸ™‚ just talk to your Fiance about the whole situation.. having babies should be a mutual decision, not a one way street.

if it was only up to me I’d have a baby soon after our wedding, like a year after, but I know that’d be horrible because Fiance doesn’t feel prepared.. so I’m willing to compromise and wait 3 or 4 years πŸ™‚

Post # 9
6344 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

Having children is something you should do because you want to and it’s right for you; I’m not getting that here, it seems like you don’t want children, but are feeling pressured by your OH and also be society. It seems like you feel having children is just something everyone does/has to do, and that isn’t the case.

I am 25. I’m still a student. I have endo and have been told to start TTC before I hit 30. Thing is, I don’t want children now or in the next 5 years, and I might never want them. I don’t see the benefits; it isn’t something I want to do with my life. No way would I even contemplate having children now just because I felt I should, or because my OH wanted to.

You need to carefully analyse how you feel, and understand that having children is a CHOICE, not something you ‘have’ to do.

Post # 10
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i wouldnt worry about feeling nothing for kids.  you want to do it when the time is right for you, but I have been told by several friends and family members that even those who worried they had no maternal bone in their body that instinct just kicks in.  besides, it sounds like you have enthusiastic dad as a back up!

Post # 11
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m 31 and currently 7 weeks PG with my first!  I actually am STILL terrified of having a child at times.  And mostly for all of the selfish reasons…I want to travel, I want to sleep, I don’t want to be an old “mom” type, I don’t want to sacrifice my career, I don’t want the relationship between my hubs and I to change for the worse due to stress of a child…. Point is, I think its pretty normal what you are feeling.  I don’t think everyone feels this way, but some of us certainly do.  Anyway, I do want children as well and didn’t want to wait too long.  I have had so many friends with fertility issues so I decided to go ahead, but I have 4 years on you.  I think you should definitely wait until its at least a passing feeling of “I don’t want one yet”!  You should talk to your SO.  You definitely have plenty of time to put kids off for a while! 

Post # 12
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Totally normal to feel this way. I’m 41 and TTC and I still have major fears. My biggest is–what if I don’t like it. Meaning–everything in life, if you don’t like it you can change it, get rid of it, etc. Dont like your job- get a new one. Don’t like you house or city- move. Don’t like your SO- breakup or get a divorce. EVERYTHING except parenting. Once you are a parent, you are a parent for life. That is scary.

But you’ll know when it’s time when the fear of not having a kid, out weighs the fear of having kids. The fear may never really go away completely.

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