(Closed) Getting married before getting married…advice needed!

posted 8 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am curious to see these responses aswell. We are considering doing this for insurance reasons, but want to keep it on the DL.

Post # 4
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Not me personally, but FIs friend is getting married before his wedding because they are getting married in a foreign country and the US wont recognize marriages that are done there. Im not sure what their plan is in terms of having their parents there or celebrating their anniversary. I would imagine you would celebrate it on your wedding day because it probably makes it seem more “real”.

Post # 5
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

did you have anyone there? OURSELVES, PARENTS, SIBLINGS, HIS GRANDMOTHER AND A CLOSE AUNT OF HIS AND A CLOSE AUNT OF MINE.

On that note, did you tell anybody? YES WE WERE ACTUALLY THROWN A BRIDAL SHOWER AND FAMILY CAME!

This is small, but do you celebrate your anniversary on the day of your civil ceremony, or the day of your formal wedding? WE WILL HAVE A FORMAL WEDDING (WERE GETTING MARRIED THROUGH OUR CATHOLIC PARISH) NEXT YEAR AND SINCE OUR CIVIL MARRIAGE WAS ON A RANDOM DATE, WE ARE NOW GETTING MARRIED ON THE ORIGINAL DATE ON WHICH WE STARTED DATING AS BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND “JUNE 4TH 2011” I THINK WE HAVE AGREED TO KEEP CELEBRATING OUR CIVIL MARRIAGE AS OUR ANNIVERSARY AND JUST ACKNOWLEDGE OUR FORMAL WEDDING W A NICE DINNER.

And most importantly, do you regret your decision? THE ONLY THING I REGRET, MONEY WAS AN ISSUE, BUT IF WE WOULD HAVE WAITED TO BE ABLE TO SAY WERE MARRIED .. WE COULD HAVE SAVED MUCH MORE MONEY OR SAVED QUICKER SINCE WERE PAYING FOR OUR FORMAL WEDDING W CASH … & WE LIVED WITH OUR PARENTS BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED, NOT ON OUR OWN.. SO WE DIDNT HAVE RENT OR GROCERIES TO WORRY ABOUT.

Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

ANYTHING ELSE? =]

Post # 6
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My husband and I did this for immigration reasons. We got married at City Hall in May and then had a “real” Catholic wedding in Italy in December. It actually made the Italian wedding a bit easier because we didn’t have to file any legal paperwork – we were already married according to the Italian government.

We didn’t plan on having to do a City Hall wedding, but we made the most of it. We dressed up, I bought some flowers, we invited our friends and my parents (we were limited to 8 guests), and invited everyone to join us at a restaurant afterwards. It actually worked out nicely because we knew a lot of friends wouldn’t be able to travel abroad for the “real” wedding.

We don’t plan to celebrate that anniversary, but I DID feel totally married after the City Hall wedding. Even though it was “just paperwork,” it felt weird to call my fiance my fiance and not my husband, since we really were married. I definitely felt married for the six months before the December wedding, which wasn’t a problem for me, but might disappoint your friend if she is really building up their wedding.

Post # 7
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

We did this, and we consider our civil marriage our “real” marriage.  But that was really a choice we made – our parents came (although no one else), I wore my mom’s wedding dress, etc.  So I think if we had wanted to make our later big wedding party feel like the “real” wedding, I would have chosen not to dress up or make any kind of big deal out of it. 

That said, we told everybody about this, and they were still very excited to come to the party later.  We needed to marry early for immigration reasons, and people were very understanding.

Post # 8
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We did it for immigration reasons also. but it did help a lot, our car insurance went down, better credit opportunities etc

Post # 9
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

I’m in the same boat as historienne.  At our wedding this fall we will have been married for two years!  Everyone knows about it and I have not heard anything at all negative or felt at all negative.

I did not think city hall would feel real, but it absolutely did and we consider ourselves married.  My partner actually says that he hopes we can recreate how special our city hall wedding was to him and he’s already mentioned wanting to do a vow renewal 10 years from our original date.    We are excited about our upcoming wedding and I personally am glad to have taken care of some of the nerves.  Plus now I have a great excuse when my older relatives yell at me for not wanting to wear a veil.

 

Post # 10
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We were officially married in the courthouse not too long go, but are still planning our “real” wedding.

For those of you that have done this, did you have anyone there? Friends or family or was it just the two of you?

-We had no one there but us. It was kinda fun that way, something we could share. Plus the ceremony was in the judge’s office (chambers) so it would have been a bit crowded with more people.

On that note, did you tell anybody? 

-We didn’t feel the need to many people as we don’t really think of ourselves as married. Even though we are legally married, we joke and call it our “practice ceremony” However I did tell my mom and a few close friends. Even after we are married in our big ceremony we don’t plan on fessing up.

This is small, but do you celebrate your anniversary on the day of your civil ceremony, or the day of your formal wedding?  

-We will consider our anniversary  as our formal wedding date. However, we will enjoy the day of our civil ceremony as well, and take time to notice the special day. Nothing wrong with celebrating twice! haha

And most importantly, do you regret your decision?

Nope, not at all. We made this decision because Fiance is in the military and it just made more sense. I now have healthcare and misc. benefits of this lifestyle. We had been dating 6 years, and our wedding date is in 2011, so we didn’t want to wait an additional year and a half to make it official. I would recommend it to anyone. We have known quite a few couples to do this. It doesn’t make our official wedding any less special, and there’s no pressure for us. We are still as exicted as can be for the “real wedding”.

Post # 11
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

For those of you that have done this, did you have anyone there? Friends or family or was it just the two of you?

-We didn’t! We just had them grab a random person who works there to count as our witness. It was really special actually, just having it be us. Let me tell you I was still nervous doing it in front of two people haha

On that note, did you tell anybody? 

-At first no. Not that we were ashamed but because we had only been dating for a short while and we didn’t want to hear everrryyyyone’s opinions on it. Plus I was afraid if we told that it would take away from our wedding day with everyone there. Sadly though, hubby convinced me to tell. He hated keeping it quiet.

This is small, but do you celebrate your anniversary on the day of your civil ceremony, or the day of your formal wedding?  

-Well I spoke about this with my parents and my FH parents, they said we should celebrate the civil ceremony marriage since that IS the day we became man and wife. So we decided that’s what we’ll do and as far as our wedding goes we will celebrate that too but just something small.

And most importantly, do you regret your decision?

-I regret my decision that we told everyone. Only because, despite everyone’s positive reactions and encouragement for the wedding so they can see me in my dress that I had already bought, I feel like when we give out invites to our sort of destination wedding(we live in CA friends and family live on east coast) they won’t come because they might figure “Well they’re already married so we don’t really have to go, it’s not that important.” On the other hand it’s kind of deceptive to lie to everyone who we do care about. However, I do not regret us getting married in a civil ceremony! I love being married to hubby, I still refer to him as my fiance because it’s easier to talk about wedding stuff with people. It gets confusing when I’m like “Yes my husband and I want to do this for the wedding” and people are like “Why are you calling him your husband he’s not your husband.” lol

Post # 12
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

we are legal – we legally got married on april 13, 2009 as he needed back surgery. our WEDDING is June 26. We have decided to celebrate our anniversary on June 26 as that was always the original date to GET married…

no body knows IRL (in real life) except a few people. my parents, his mom, our best friends (my Maid/Matron of Honor and her husband), and our officiants (the one who married us, who’ll be at the wedding as well as the other one who’ll be marrying us at the actual wedding – long story there.) anyhoo. and of course everyone here on the ‘bee! lol

we decided NOT to tell anyone – friends, family, etc – and keep up the “engagement” – some people agree with this – some do not – but that was the decision we made.

we didn’t actually go to the courthouse. My mom is really good friends with like 8 different ministers in our church (we go to the salvation army) and so one of them, who lives in michigan, drove down to our house to perform the ceremony. it was just us, my parents and my MOH/her husband as witnesses.

we didn’t really want it to take away from the excitement of the real wedding and so we’re totally throwing a huge bash for the real wedding in june and for that little ceremony last april he wore a nice suit, me a nice sundress and we went out for dinner afterwards. the ceremony was on our deck outside in the backyard.

Do we regret the decision – ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!! he had to have the surgery and had no insurance. i have FABULOUS insurance. PLUS we got to file taxes joint this year which gave us a bigger refund! lol. :p

we call each other husband/wife in private and legally to those who matter – but all our friends still think it’s “fiance”.

one thing that’s sorta sucked – I haven’t been able to change my name yet – to keep up the look of being “engaged”…but it’s also been a little nice that I’m using it here and there where legalities don’t count to get “used” to it…

anywhoo – i think there’s nothing wrong with it at all – but there ARE a lot of decisions to be made around it.

Post # 13
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We did this for insurance reasons after I lost my job.  We ended up winning a contest from a local magazine to get married in their office.  The editor got certified via the internet and they threw us a mini wedding in a conference room with flowers and champagne.  We were just going to go to city hall but thought this was a fun alternative.

For those of you that have done this, did you have anyone there? Friends or family or was it just the two of you?

Just us, we did it on a Friday and we didn’t want anyone to take off work, etc.  Plus we wanted all of our guests to celebrate with us at our other celebration.

On that note, did you tell anybody? 

We told our parents so they would stop worrying about the insurance!  We also told our siblings but that was it.  We had some friends see it in the magazine because they did a little feature on us but we asked them to keep it quiet.

This is small, but do you celebrate your anniversary on the day of your civil ceremony, or the day of your formal wedding?  

We consider the ceremony with our family our anniversary and oddly enough we both have trouble remembering the actual date of the other ceremony.  We call it our “secret wedding” and our “real wedding”

And most importantly, do you regret your decision?

Not one bit.  We kept it low-key and it didn’t detract from our real wedding in the slightest.  And it makes for a great story!

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