(Closed) Getting married before the wedding day/secret marriage

posted 4 years ago in Elopement
Post # 16
Member
21 posts
Newbee

I say don’t keep it a secret, not so much for other people’s opinions but because it will create more stress for you. I have an aqaintance that had already gotten married for personal reasons and her husband and her were having a destination wedding. People still came, and supported them (although they kept it intentionally small due to the expense of travel). 

Post # 17
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

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hikingbride :  that’s fine. I respect your opinion. 

Post # 18
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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weddingbae :  Do what is best for you, and have a celebration of marriage in 2018.   I don’t think a delayed reception is a big deal.  A quiet wedding now sounds like a good idea.  

Post # 19
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

A second wedding for the same marriage is just a reenactment, it’s a show, but people make their own choices and aren’t going to stop doing them. At least don’t lie to your guests about it.

Post # 20
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

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mcmeow :  agreed.

Why lie about getting married? I’m more okay with someone telling me that they just got legally married and will be celebrating formally next year than be lied to.

Post # 21
Member
1973 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Don’t lie to your guests bee.

Post # 22
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

In my opinion, the whole point of inviting family and friends to your wedding is for them to bear witness to an actual wedding ceremony. Otherwise, why not just elope? It sounds like you were always planning to marry legally beforehand, though. I’m fine with that as long as it’s within a few days and that you treat the actual ceremony as when you’re actually saying your vows in front of your intended and whatever higher power you may or may not believe in. 

I think it’s best to be upfront with people about what they’ll be taking time off of work and making travel arrangements to attend. If I’m invited to a wedding I expect to be seeing just that- a wedding, not a re-enactment for my own sake. I just think it’s best to not start your married life on a deceitful note. 

Post # 23
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d tell people definitely. I wouldn’t want to attend a marriage and then find out they were already married and I was attending a vow renewal/party of celebration. I also don’t get why, if the legal part has to be done on a different occasion, it isn’t done after the non official wedding – then at least saying your vows would mean more even if they weren’t legal.

Post # 25
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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weddingbae :  your title says “secret marriage”

Post # 26
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Your title literally says “secret marriage”, so ya, of course people are going to assume you will keep it a secret and lie to people about your marital status before the 2018 celebration. Is there any other way to interpret “secret marriage”? 

Post # 29
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Deleted: eh it’s her choice I guess

Post # 30
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m sorry if what I said upset you. However, in your first post it did sound like the first wedding wouldn’t just be the “signing the register” part- it would have also been the meaningful vows part with you and your intended. I understand in many places that the legal part is separate from the saying your vows in front of family and friends part. But the second part is usually what’s treated as the most important/meaningful part, and that’s what people  expect to be witnessing. And you’d made it sound like you’d be doing both parts before the later wedding.

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