(Closed) Getting Married Before the Wedding.

posted 13 years ago in Logistics
Post # 17
41 posts
  • Wedding: June 2009

My sister did this as her fiance was in the military and financially it made sense.  I would say it can be sticky.  He didn’t want anyone to know, she wanted my parents to know.  It turned out that everyone knew but his mother (who said she didn’t want to know if they did it.)  Well, at the rehearsal, the priest asked the parents to sign something and she found out, made for some uncomfortable moments.  I would say if you don’t want people to know keep it limited.  ALso, she changed her name after she got married in the church, over a year later and had no problems.  Good Luck!

Post # 18
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am really glad this topic and post came up. My husband and I did this, We got married this October at the courthouse but are planning a real wedding for this coming October (09) For the most part we have kept it a secret. His family knows and cause they can’t keep a secret if it was pinned and sealed to them, so they all know. My family does not and only a few of our friends know.

We plan on doing a big wedding to make everyone happy and to also give me a  "dream" wedding. It so far has been hard keeping it a secret but we are looking forward to telling everyone and I too am waiting till after the fact to change or rather add to my last name.


I know someone else posed the question about day do you consider your anniversary. We are planning our wedding close to our courthouse wedding date, since it was still special. 

Post # 19
23 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

My future husband and I did this (notice that I still call him my future husband).  I am Canadian, while he is American, and we wanted to make sure that we could actually be in the same country after the wedding.  We signed the papers in Sept. 2008, and are having a wedding in July 2010.  We aren’t lying to anyone, as our closest friends and family know the circumstances and understand our reasons. We just don’t broadcast it.  Also, we don’t actually consider ourselves married; we don’t wear wedding bands, or call each other "husband" and "wife".  It also helps that we are both Roman Catholic, so until the vows are said in front of God and witnesses, the wedding "doesn’t count".

I’m not sure if all of you know, but in many countries it is actually legally required that a couple have a civil wedding and a religious one seperatley (check out these pictures of Eva Longoria arriving at her civil ceremony, days before her religious nuptials in Paris:  http://tvdramas.about.com/od/desperatehousewives/ig/Eva-Longoria-Wedding-Photos/Eva-Longoria-s-Civil-Wedding.htm). I am from Poland, where this is the law, so signing the legal paper work before getting married is completely normal – we’re just doing it way ahead of time.

That being said, I would have never done it this way if it wasn’t for the immigration issue. Trust me, I know that it is hard to wait for the day to come (our wedding is July 10, 2010), but think about it….after your married, your married, and that’s it.  You never get to do it again (hopefully).  I am thinking of our "engagement" as kind of tantric….the anticipation is building for the big release 😛  


Post # 20
23 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

We did it for insurance reasons and only told our parents. A few people have since found out but most people still don’t know. We got "married" in October and our wedding is in April. It was a very special ceremony at home with our parents (and our cats!) and was ust.. magical.

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