(Closed) Getting married before you get married!

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Why are you getting married before you get married?



    Getting married in a different state or country

    Union recognition by another state (SSM)


  • Post # 3
    3870 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Fiance wants the marriage to be recognized by the Catholic church, and I want an outdoor ceremony (but marriage won’t be recognized if it physically doesn’t take place in a Catholic church). So we decided to have our “real” wedding a few days ahead of time in a Catholic church with just immediate family, and have our big wedding outdoors at a winery with all our guests later!

    Post # 4
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I am currently thinking of getting married legally at the courthouse before the actual ceremony.  Personally, I believe that there should be a separation between the legal and social/religious aspects of marriage.  I believe that they are two different things and as such, they should be kept separate.

    Post # 5
    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @shadowblind:  I’m in the same boat – Fiance works for a very large company and his insurance benefits are AMAZING. I need work done on my teeth (not cosmetic) before the wedding and we both don’t think there’s any reason why I shouldn’t be on his policy.

    We do have an additional reason. My grandmother is in the late stages of Alzheimer’s disease and in order for Fiance to get bereavement leave, we have to be married. We’re rather not take the chance that he doesn’t get to come to the funeral if she passes before our wedding.

    Post # 6
    1340 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    We’re getting married at-sea which isn’t legally binding and we’re a same-sex couple, so if it were legally binding, it still wouldn’t be legal for us. It was substantially less expensive to get married at-sea vs. a port wedding in Baltimore and we didn’t want to deal with some of the add-ons of a port wedding.

    Post # 7
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My Fiance and I currently live in the states, but he is from Greece, and the majority of his family still lives there.  My dad is sick, and therefore cannot travel to Greece, so we are having a civil ceremony in a park flower garden in the States, and then traveling to Greece a few weeks later to have a religious ceremony where he was baptised.  This way, both families can participate/witness the ceremony, and both ceremonies are different enough that one will not feel more “real” than the other.

    Post # 8
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We got married by civil ceremony first because of immigration and the time constraints that come with it.  His folks weren’t able to travel here during the time we would have needed them to, so rather then toy with immigration and hope that nothing would go wrong or try to plan a wedding in 3 months during high travel season, we did the civil ceremony first with an official ceremony later during a time when his family could afford to travel here.  

    Both ceremonies were wonderful, and I’m so glad we had the 2nd ceremony because it just didn’t feel complete without all of our families and friends there!  We told everyone what was going to happen before we did it, in fact our families both agreed that this was the best way of handling a difficult situation.  All of our friends were incredibly supportive!  🙂

    Post # 9
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    My SO and I plan on marrying well before the ceremony for immigration reasons. His visa ends in December, and it’ll be easier if we marry while he’s still in the country as opposed to him making a separate trip just to get married. It’ll also be easier for me to get a visa if we’re already married, and if granted the visa, I’ll be able to work immediately.

    I don’t want to tell everyone we’re married, though.. I want the ceremony to be our official wedding date.

    Post # 10
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My Fiance live in a state where same sex marriages are not recognized, so we will take a mini vacation and get married in a state that will allow us to do so.  We plan on having our wedding here in Arizona so that our friends and family can be present.  We decided to do a quick legal ceremony first because we want to be officially married when we go on our honeymoon even if it doesn’t count here in Arizona. 

    Post # 11
    18 posts
    • Wedding: June 2012

    He’s American and I’m Canadian.. we’ve known for a long time that we wanted to be married, so we are planning for a civil ceremony next month in order to get his paperwork started. A larger celebration will take place in another year or so with all our friends and family. We were also hoping that the earlier date would mean that my mom, in late stages of cancer, would be able to attend.

    We’ve had to explain to everybody the purpose of this earlier ‘wedding’ so they’re not offended to be excluded!

    Post # 12
    217 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Ok, so I was SO thinking about doing this…I just graduated last summer, and the H2B’s job has moved us almost every year to 1.5 years.  I have been looking for a job and planning an out of state wedding.  I’m at the point where I might start applying for anything, even part time, however, I would like to have health insurance 🙁  The H2B has an AWESOME job, the reason I am able to be out of work and plan a wedding, so I was thinking if we did the courthouse thing, then the regular ceremony as planned, it would be perfect…I wouldn’t have to worry about finding something with good benefits, and I wouldn’t have to worry about staying completely healthy from now until Feb. 



    Post # 13
    2359 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    we want to get married at city hall either the day before, or a couple days after our “wedding” simply because i do not want to pay 400$ for a Justice of the Peace to come for a half hour and marry us. 

    but we haven’t fully decided yet.   I want the whole emotional experience of getting married to happen when my guests are there, and i think we got legally married before or after, it wouldn’t feel the same.  so i dont know. 

    Post # 14
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    we had the civil marriage so my parents wouldnt make a big (bigger) dramma about me starting to live with my DH.

    We still dont know when the catholic wedding will be, since apparently my dad wont help us and we have other things to do before we start saving for that.

    Post # 16
    629 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We are doing a courthouse ceremony June 8th for insurance reasons. Our original plan was Destination Wedding in Jamaica in November. We are still doing Jamaica; if will be called a vow renewal. The cost savings for us is about $6000 for my insurance. The two ceremonies have come to be called the “paper wedding” and “real wedding”. To me Jamaica is my true wedding in my heart. We plan to make both days special. We are not keeping it a secret. I’m not taking off that wedding ring and I want to change my name..I waited over forty years to be with my FH and we are not waiting anymore.

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