(Closed) Getting married before your wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I have heard of people doing so for military or health insurance/benefits reasons. Some people just have personal reasons and decide that they don’t want to wait. I think that the only person who can know if it is a good idea is you and your Fiance. Every couple’s situation is different. The only thing that would bother me as a guest is if you got married before, kept it a secret, and then acted like the big ceremony was the actual wedding. I’d feel lied to. I think if you go the early wedding route, make sure people know that it is a celebration of your recent marriage. You can still wear the pretty dress, though!

Post # 4
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I have a close friend that did this. She and her husband/fiance just went and got married so they could buy a house together and have both of their incomes counted for a VA home loan. Plus she now has health insurance (and she needs blood work done), and he was able to get onto her car insurance. They feel relieved in a way because they know they’re better taken care of as a married couple.

They told his sister and brother in law (they’re very close) and her parents, but no one else.

Post # 5
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Fiance and I have talked about doing this for health insurance purposes. But we don’t have a problem letting people know that we are already married before our wedding if we do end up doing that.

Post # 6
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We did it and will have been married a year when we have our “wedding”.  No one knows.  For us there is the legal side of being married (which we did for financial and health insurance reasons) and then there is the religious and public side of being married.  Separation of church and state, I guess.  We’ve only told a few people and no one thinks it’s a big deal or deceitful that we’re technically married and still having a big public ceremony and reception.  It’s a personal choice, so do what’s right for you.

Post # 7
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Thanks for posting on this topic! My Fiance and I have also considered a “pre-wedding wedding” because he’s concerned that the personal significance of getting married might be lost in the chaos of our wedding day. He wants it to be meaningful, but he’s very shy and private and has a hard time imagining having a truly intimate moment in front of 75 guests.

I think we’ve pretty much decided NOT to “pre-wed” because it’s too hard to keep a secret and people would probably be upset/feel deceived if they found out. Also, it might cause ongoing confusion like when’s our anniversary, for example. But we DO still plan to have a non-legal moment where we “marry” each other in private, either with the Justice of the Peace at the rehearsal or off by ourselves that morning, to make sure that the occasion stays meaningful and we come away feeling that we are REALLY marrying each other instead of PLAYING THE PART of two people getting married.

Good luck whatever you decide.

-JB

Post # 8
Member
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Yup, we did it. Our wedding (on saturday) is actually our 10 month anniversary! Right after we got engaged he was supposed to leave on a 6 month deployment (Navy) and he wanted me to be taken care of while he was gone. So we went on down to the courthouse with our parents and a few close friends and got married 🙂 I think it was the best decision we’ve ever made. We told everyone and a couple of people made some rude remarks, but for the most part everyone was very supportive and they’re all excited for our formal ceremony!

Post # 9
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just based on some of your old posts, I would recommend against it. Are you still having acceptance issues from other people? If so, there will only be more trouble if and when people found out you were already wed. It isn’t fair, but you are under a bit of a microscope, so I wouldn’t do anything that could easily be interpreted as rash right now.

Post # 10
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

The only times I have heard about it are usually military or medical insurance purposes.  I don’t think it is really necessary otherwise and might get confusing paperwork-wise.

Post # 11
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yep, we did it for insurance reasons.  Now I get 2 anniversary presents every year!

Post # 12
Member
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We are doing this becuase we planned an elopement to Mexico and then found out all the legal requirments for marriage in MX. We are going to have a legal marriage here and then do the symbolic exchanging of vows, etc. in MX. A lot of detination wedding brides do this.

Post # 13
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We got legally married this month, and our wedding is in August.  We did it for insurance reasons, but both of our families knew ahead of time.  I just look at it as taking care of paperwork early.  Our real wedding will be when we are married in the eyes of our friends and families.  I don’t call him my husband yet and we don’t really talk about it with people.  I have no regrets about it. 

Post # 14
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

ah i see this was a month ago post – but we did it! we became legal on 13 april 2009 and our wedding is 26 june 2010.

it’s not that big of a deal – i kept my maiden name (until yesterday, i started the process yesterday, as I figure we’re sooo close now it won’t matter) – we didn’t celebrate on the 13th and plan on from here on out as june 26 as our anniversary.

we did it so he could be put on my insurance to have a much-needed (i consider life-saving) surgery – and it’s not like we weren’t PLANNING on it as it was/is!

Post # 15
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think that is just fine if that is what you want to do. 

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