Getting married but mother disagrees

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

Eddie1 :  I totally think you should go through with it, especially since she doesn’t have any real reasons for not liking him. But, if your mother is otherwise sensible and you want a relationship with her, it might be good to try at least once to talk to her and let her know that you hear her and want to be respectful of her wishes, but she needs to adjust her view and come on board. If you don’t care about maintaining a relationship with her, then the conversation isn’t necessary.

Post # 18
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

What is your relationship with your mother like otherwise? Is she a generally reasonable person? I think there’s more to this story than we’re getting. It’s very likely that she sees red flags with your relationship and has legitimate reasons to disapprove and avoid spending time with him. People don’t act that way without any cause. 

Post # 19
Member
8168 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Eddie1 :  

Something about this

 “thanks everyone for your input. I’m going through with the marriage whether my mother likes it or not”.

makes me nervous . It reads  more like  teenage defiance about being grounded than a considered adult respose to a proper conversation about marriage….  . 

Post # 20
Member
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

elderbee :  

Agreed.  

There is some kind of odd dynamic at work here.

 

Post # 21
Member
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

Eddie1 :  I think you need to have a serious conversation with your mother. “Hey mom, I really love this man and want to spend my life with him. I really trust and love you too. Your lack of support is really upsetting to me as I want both of you in my life. You say you don’t like him because you don’t know him, but you have chosen not to get to know him when I try to organize a dinner or meet up. What’s the deal?” and go from there. Maybe she sees something that you don’t, she may have very valid concerns for you and I think if you love and respect her you should hear what she has to say.

Post # 22
Member
23 posts
Newbee

sablescorpion22 :  I agree entirely. Sounds like mom may have some control issues. I have narcissistic parents and this is how they act towards things too.

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