Post # 1
Fiance and I live separately at the moment and we haven’t even thought about looking for a place to live yet. We’re getting married in 5 months, so I’m not sure if I should be panicking or not! A part of me just thinks it might be better to get married and then look for a place–that way it’s less stressful. But then again I feel like it’s so strange for us to be married and living apart! I guess I shouldn’t care too much about tradition and what others do, but I’d love to know if anyone else is or was in the same situation and how it went for you?
Post # 3
I think you should be proactive into looking into a place to live. The timetable isnt as big a deal depending on if you want to rent vs own. I have friends that married and lived apart up til the day after thier wedding, but they always had some sort of plan lined up. Living apart and being married just doesnt seem like it goes together, with the exception of military of course.
In our case, we dont live together by choice, been together 8 years. We have been house hunting since February and intend to co habitat prior to our wedding in 5 months as well. I really do think you need some sort of plan. The closer to the wedding, the harfder it will be to do a lot of things.
Post # 4
Start looking now, especially if you’re thinking of buying a house. You’ll need pre-approval, you’ll need to find a place and make an offer. IF it gets accepted, you’ll need to close…and that can take a while, too. If you’re looking to rent, it could still take a while to find a place you both agree on and in your price range. So it would be a good idea to start the process now.
Post # 5
We will have been living together for over a year by the time we’re married. You could always look at places now and set it up so a lease starts (if you’re renting) right around the wedding. Then one of you could live there up until the wedding, if you’d rather not live together before you’re married.
Post # 6
@Beckster329: We definitely can’t live together before we’re married due to cultural and religious reasons. So, if we do find a place we’ll have to move in after we’re married.
I guess I just don’t want to have to deal with the stress of moving and planning a wedding all in the next 5 months….
Post # 7
I would want to have a place that we can move in together after the wedding.
Although it’s too early, I would at least familiarize yourselves with the market in your city so that you will have some idea what is available.
Post # 8
I closed on my first house 2 weeks ago today, and the wedding is in 6 weeks. Totally do-able, just stay busy and keep chipping away at the to-do list. 5 months is enough time to buy a place, that’s just about the timeline I fell into. It’ll take at LEAST 2-3 months once you make an offer. Most people find their own houses online (I was zillow.com obsessed!), then just need the agent to take them through the process.
Post # 9
If you can’t move in together before the wedding, then I would set my sights on renting rather than owning for your first place together. Check the rental market where you live; where I live, it can take way more than 5 months to find an apartment in a decent neighborhood that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg, but I know in other parts of the USA, you can get a nice apartment at a great price on the first day you go looking. Keep an eye on the classifieds and various rental websites, see how much selection is in your price range, and try to get a feel for how long things stay on the market.
If it were me, I’d want to set up the lease to start on the first of the month before the wedding; this would give time to gradually move a few things into the apartment but not make me spend a ton of money on rent for somewhere I didn’t live. Perhaps either you or your fiance could move in before the wedding and set up housekeeping— you will need a bed at the least, and dishes and table and such, so you can start as a couple right after the wedding without having to actually do the moving and hauling when you’re barely out of your wedding clothes.
Post # 10
@rurahrah: Thanks, you definitely helped me feel less stressed about this!
Post # 11
I wouldn’t wait until after the wedding to start looking – you will want to have a place to call your own with some peace&quiet (and alone time with your new husband!)
Post # 12
@rurahrah: Most people find their own houses online (I was zillow.com obsessed!), then just need the agent to take them through the process.
The problem we ran into with this was several of the houses we were interested in already had offers accepted, but the website(s) had not been updated. A realtor will be able to send you a link to MLS listings that is updated multiple times per day. When a new listing is added that matches your criteria, it will be on this website for you to view. Once an offer is accepted, it will tell you that, too, so you don’t waste your time pining for a house that is unavailable.
Post # 13
If you are both renting now, when do your current leases end? Can one of you move in with the other and sublet the extra place? That way you could live together right away, but still put off looking for a new place until after the wedding.
Post # 14
I voted for you to wait. I guess I’m the odd man out, but just based on my stress level with work and wedding planning and other stuff going on, I would not want to throw finding a place to live into the mix.
On the other hand, I definitely wouldn’t want to live apart after the wedding. I didn’t want to live apart before the wedding – so we bought a house together almost two years ago. But with just 5 months to go, I see no reason to rush into a lease or purchase agreement just so you have the same roof over your heads on your wedding night. You could start browsing and just kind of see what happens. Also, what’s his take on this? Does he want to start looking or does he want to wait?
Post # 15
@route507too: Well, last year he told me that we’ll definitely get a place before we get married and at the time I told him there was no rush and we could just find a place after the wedding–but he seemed set on finding it beforehand. But now he hasn’t said anything about looking right now so I’m assuming that with his workload and the wedding stuff he just prefers to wait a bit longer. I plan to talk to him about it soon and see where we stand.
Post # 16
Are you both living with your parents now? Would it be possible for one of you to move into where the other one is living? That’s not something I would personally do, but I’d rather do that than not live with my husband after the wedding. Most people I know who didn’t live together before their weddings moved into a place that one of them already had (most were renting, since we live in a city with crazy expensive homes). That’s what I would recommend, then search for your dream home later.