(Closed) Getting married far away and bad reactions – can anyone relate?

posted 12 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 32
Member
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Yep, we’ve ran into some people that don’t want to travel across the country for our wedding.  It really sucks, but I don’t have much advice for you other than I hope everything works out.

Post # 33
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Yep, can relate to that one! Both our mothers made comments and poor attempts to make us change our minds.  But this is really what we wanted and held our own. In the end, it all works fine, even if they relapse from time to time… We gave them two options: either to come or to look at the pictures when we come back. 🙂

Post # 34
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I was surprised by the way our family reacted to our decision to get married in the Caribbean.  I expected that his family would be resistant to the idea and that mine would be ok with it.  It was the total opposite. 

His family was thrilled to get the opportunity to take a vacation all together and celebrate our wedding with us and mine was less than thrilled. 

Last week my Grandmother told me that they were not going to be coming to our wedding, because my grandfather isn’t feeling well and my Uncle didn’t have the time or money.  I was heartbroken.  THEN she casually added that they would all (my grandparents, two uncles and their wives) be going on a Caribbean cruise THE WEEK AFTER OUR WEDDING if we wanted to join them.  Just stick the knife in and TWIST.  I was crushed.  To turn down our wedding in the Caribbean and then invite me to cruise the Caribbean with them the next week is utterly ridiculous.  I can’t even understand their actions here.  

But it doesn’t matter anymore.  If I can’t make them see how important this is to me and if they aren’t willing to spend time getting to know my husband and our family there’s nothing I can do to force them and I wouldn’t want to.  I am so excited to be marrying my best friend and the man of my dreams and have the wedding that makes us both happy.  It is a hard decision to make, but it is the right one for us and I don’t regret it.  You can’t make everyone happy. 

Post # 35
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

While a Destination Wedding is not in my future, I definitely know how irritating it is to have family members be sticks in the mud about traveling for a wedding.  I mentioned to the Fi that my older sister wants to get married in Hawaii (which is nowhere NEAR as far as NZ is) and he had a sour reaction which irritated me a bit!  I guess his uncle who is only a few years older than us and his wife had a Destination Wedding and the MOG and some other family members weren’t able to go because they couldn’t afford it.  I don’t think that he even considered that the wedding is about the couple, and that people need to prioritize whether or not they want to attend a Destination Wedding or splurge on say a new gadget that they really don’t need.

Post # 36
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

same situation on a smaller scale- my fi is puerto rican, and since his family doesnt have much money it seemed like a reasonable idea. my family is all over the united states, so there was not a good central location, anyway.

so for my guests it is a destination wedding, but for his family it is local. .. . which means he has more people coming. . . ..he is having a slight hard time with that because he wants all these friends to be involved and i dont want it to be unbalanced.. . . i am afraid of my side looking pitiful

but i just keep telling myself those on my side that arent coming likely wouldnt go to a stateside wedding either, if it meant going out of their way too much. not being hateful, the economy is a great excuse to stay close to home.

Post # 37
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We live in Ohio and decided to get married on the beach, on the Oregon Coast.  It just seems so beautiful, and I’ve always wanted to travel to the Pacific Northwest.  When I saw pictures of other weddings on the beach in OR, I was positive that this is what I want.  FI was thrilled about is, and so were his parents.  My parents, on the other hand, basically bit my head off when I told them (keep in mind that WE are paying for the entire wedding, and will be providing a huge oceanfront house).  My mom snarled at me, “you’re making it so that NO ONE can come!!”  Which struck me as odd, because she and my stepfather travel every year, though it is primarily on the East coast.  It’s not as if they can’t afford the plane tickets (and I’ve offered to be the “fare watcher” so that we can get the best price…ugh.  Oh well, I’m not going to change my plans.  Smile

Post # 38
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

omg, i feel like i’m reading about my own life in all these posts! we’re getting married in Turks & Caicos in May 2010 and while no one has downright complained about the location (i made it very clear before i was even engaged that a Destination Wedding was happening whether people liked it or not and if they wanted to pay for the wedding, then they got a say in the location). now that i’ve actually booked the wedding and started sending out info though, it’s like everybody is shocked they will have to pay money for a flight & a hotel. granted, i picked a hotel that is not cheap to actually hold the wedding at, but there is a much more reasonable one directly next door and it’s approx. a 15 sec. walk on the beach from one to another. i know that i have spent a LOT of $$ going traveling to other people’s weddings in SoCal, Louisiana, etc and I never even really got a nice vaca out of those. So my feeling is, I pay, I do what I want and everybody else can figure out what will work for them. 

I was wondering though, is anybody else including some sort of enclosure with save the dates or invitations that basically say something along the lines of “we understand our location choice may make it difficult for everyone to attend, etc etc.”? i want to include something but am not sure how to make it sound diplomatic…any thoughts?

 

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