(Closed) getting married in 3h….and a mess

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

 

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Honeybee2015:  Have you tried to sort through your feelings? Maybe writing it out would help? I’ve heard of people getting really nervous but you sound extremely nervous. I’d write/think it out and see where it takes you. Maybe there is a root there that you haven’t talked out yet and once you see it things will be clear and you’ll feel better.

Good luck!

Post # 3
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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Honeybee2015:  I did not get nervous at all. In fact, I was very calm. I think you need to determine what you’re nervous about. Is it “oh crap, I’m getting married!” nervous/excitement or is it, “I do not want to marry my FI” nervous? 

Post # 4
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

I haven’t been in your position, but it’s hard to give advice when you don’t know what the feelings are. Why do you deflect or repress your feelings? That’s not healthy to do – you need to be able to be honest and true with someone, ideally your FH. It seems like you have tried to “warn” him about not showing up but he brushes it off. Have you had a serious sit down with him and talked about this? You should be able to talk about your concerns together and get his support.

Maybe you should take some time and really think about what your body is trying to say – what you anxiety is trying to say. I second the suggestion to write or journal about it, that can help you digest things.

If you’re feeling nervous about getting married today, there is no shame in postponing. Do whatever you feel is right.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, regardless.

Post # 5
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

I’m sure it’s normal. It’s a big commitment. I freaked out more about the engagement than the idea of getting married, but essentially, it’s the same general concept of being committed to someone for life that is scary. Just breathe and think of all the reasons why you are getting married. Try to figure out why you are anxious. Is it the thought of losing your freedom? Someone who truly respects you will never let you lose your freedom or yourself. Is it the thought of never being with another guy again? Well, you’ve been together 6.5 years. Even if you weren’t married ever, would you see yourself moving on from SO to another guy? Probably not because you love him and not someone else. So yeah, that’s what I did. I just tried to indentify all the little things that were scaring me and I was very logical and rational about it.

You should ask yourself if you’re sure you want to be getting married. Maybe you don’t want to get married at the courthouse and would prefer to wait until next week?

 

But anyway, look on the bright side: you’re freaking out today, but then by Saturday you’ll be just fine and you will have a wonderful wedding day!

Post # 6
Member
988 posts
Busy bee

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Honeybee2015:  Take a deep breath. Is there any way you can get a massage?  Take a walk, go to the gym, you need to do something to get your mind off this. Are you absolutely sure you want to marry your FI? Hugs and Congrats!

Post # 7
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

What is it that scares you exactly? I think you need to dissect your feelings and really pinpoint what is terrifying you. 

I would have suggested pre-marital counselling, but I think it’s a little late for that. Although you can still attend a few sessions and would benefit greatly from it. 

As many married Bee’s point out often, if you’re already living together then getting hitched does not change anything. You just get new last names and call each other wife/husband. 

It sounds like you have a great relationship already. Don’t worry. Millions of people get married all the time. If you’ve stuck it out 6.5 years, I think you probably have a great foundation 🙂 

good luck and congrats! 

Post # 9
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Breath. It is a big commitment, it’s good you are taking it seriously. Have a mimosa and relax. do you have time for a massage? Probably not. You are marrying an amazing man. You have every right to be nervous. It will be fine and you will be so excited when it’s over!

Post # 11
Member
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Are you freaking out about being married?  If the thought of marriage is what’s making you nervous, maybe this isn’t what’s right for you.

I was nervous at my wedding, but not at all about being married.  I worried about things like tripping on my dress and falling down the stairs during my grand entrance.  

Post # 12
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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Honeybee2015:  just want to say that I got extremely anxious before our ceremony, I actually had to basically rip my corset off because I was hyperventilating. It had nothing to do with my DH. But I wanted to run.  I just naturally get this fight or flight sensation when anything life changing is happening. 

Literally the second I got up to the alter and all was said and done, I felt 100% better. I was so happy! 

Work with yourself girl. play some music and breathe! And talk to your Fiance if you can 🙂 good luck! 

Post # 13
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like there is something deep inside trying to get your attention.  I am concerned about your comment…. “that I want to go to the airport get on the first light anywhere and just not think about anything”  

This is a huge red flag to me that you want to run FROM him and not TO him by getting on an airplane and going anywhere but where you will have to be in order to get married.

It is never too late…to either go thorugh with it or to call it off.  Do what you have to do and whatever you decide, I wish you luck!

Post # 15
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was nervous running up to the wedding and on the morning of the wedding I had a little cry – but never because I didn’t want to marry my now DH but because I was nervous about the wedding. I worried about things going wrong, being the centre of attention etc. I agree with PP – you need to decide what is making you freak out – is it the wedding (which I think is totally normal) or the marriage? If it’s the marriage then I think you need to find some quiet time on your own and try to think things through. 

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