Post # 16
I’m assuming it’s Church of England right? If so they are a lot more leinent than the Catholic Church.
Youll need to ask the vicar, mostly they want to see that divorce was the best option and that lessons were learnt. In your h2b’s case his ex was ‘at fault’ and had broken vows. Adultery is considered an ‘acceptable’ reason to divorce.
i know one lady who was able to marry in a Church of England church after her divorce. Basically her husband had a mental breakdown a few weeks after their wedding. Despite caring for him for a few years, he didn’t recover and she became a career not a wife.
Post # 17
- Wedding: November 2019 - Baton Rouge, LA
manylovesbee1 : I grew up Baptist, and I find pastoral responses like this infuriating; sadly, it’s not the first story I’ve heard like this. It’s like the miss the entire point of the religion. FFS, ‘loving the sinner’ does not mean actively submitting yourself to their abuse! How terrible of your friend’s pastor to say that to her, and good on her for switching churches. I was lucky that the pastor of the church I grew up in joined my priest in not only telling me to leave, but to stay would be to actively put myself in harm’s way. My pastor gave me a hug after the divorce was final.
Post # 18
- Wedding: September 2018 - City, State
baylorredhead : Yeah, it’s sad. I’m glad you found a church that lets you be safe and cared for. The best part was, fairly recently, my friend’s sister and her old paster “met” again at some local social event. (Firefighter Spaghetti Dinner Fundraiser, or something like that.) A mutual acquaintance/new neighbor who attends the judgmental church was like, “Brenda I want you to meet our pastor! Pastor Jerkface, this is Brenda SecondMarriedName!” He started to shake her hand and was like “Great to meet you, Mrs … OH! Wait! I know you, you used to be Brenda FirstMarriedName! Yes, NeighborLady, I know Brenda, we go way back.” She said his eyes about bugged out of his head, and he gave her an incredibly unpleasant smile (“Like the devil trying to swallow a snake.”) NeighborLady just smiled and kept chatting, she didn’t know any of the backstory. Seriously? Like, literally over a decade later, he’s still not over it and is shocked she found someone to re-marry her. Small town bullshit.
Post # 19
- Wedding: November 2019 - Baton Rouge, LA
manylovesbee1 : Oh that is priceless! The neighbor lady’s obliviousness just makes it even better. I just love how some sit in judgment from their own comfortable positions, then don’t like it when the people they judged actually end up thriving. Yes, Pastor Jerkface, it’s perfectly possible to have a wonderful marriage after a divorce, especially when one divorces an abusive dillhole.
Post # 20
winterspicebride : if it’s a Catholic Church, it’s unlikely. For C of E it varies and is usually down to the vicars discretion. So you could get a cigar who sees adultery as a valid reason or one who doesn’t. Some places might want him to annul his first marriage. It basically just depends on the specific church.
My dad and step-mum couldn’t get married in the church after him and my mum divorced. So they had a blessing in the church first then got married legally at the registry office. You could ask if they’ll do a blessing if nothing else.
Post # 21
I think knowing the denomination is going to play a huge roll as well as the specific church. I’m apostolic and divorced/remarried as is my husband, who is a minister. Both of us hand spouses who commited adultry, unquestionably. He had opted to raise her child as his own, and is legal father, and work out the marriage. She left with new man. Church had no issue with him marrying me. I answered a few questions about my marriage (like a 10 minute conversation), my previous pastor answered a few based on our attempt at counseling, and in like 30 minutes our pastor was telling us how excited he was at seeing us getting a second chance at love.
However, we did not ask our pastor to marry us due to some completely unrelated issues with church politics and he appreciated not having a wedding to handle in the middle of everything. He was super touched that we asked him to do our vow renewal/family meet and greet after we eloped.
Goodness, didn’t mean to type you a novel but, said all that to say-it is going to vary by church, pastor/vicar/priest, and denomination.
Post # 22
- Wedding: December 2020 - City, State
I spoke to the vicar. She was so lovely and understanding of our situation and explained she allows divorced people to marry in her church. My partner will have to bring his Decree absolut? Not sure how it’s spelled. We are both very excited and look forward to meeting her very soon. I was on a high for the rest of the day after the call, it feels perfect to me that I can marry in the church. The same one where my mother and father married.
Thank you to all the bees who responded and told their stories or just offered advice!
Post # 23
Im so pleased for you. Now on with the planning. I had a CoE wedding, it is a lovely service. winterspicebride :
Post # 24
FWIW, I married in church (never married before) and my husband was previously married (civil ceremony). His wife left him years before we met. The vicar of our C of E church was lovely and very kind. We had to meet with him and show him the Decree Absolute, and he also asked us a bit about his previous marriage. He basically wanted to be sure that I wasn’t the cause of the breakdown of his first marriage. Neither of us had any problems with him asking. Despite my situation, I do understand the view of other churches that divorcees cannot remarry. I don’t agree that ‘it’s none of their business’ if you want to get married according to church teachings.
We had a lovely ceremony. It was really important to me to get married in church.