Post # 1
I am supposed to be getting married soon and I can’t help but think my fiancé is gay and using my kids and I to keep it from his family. About 9 months ago he never came to bed (we weren’t even fighting) and the next day I saw the computer next to the couch and a white tank top next to it that was stiff as hell if you know what I mean. So I checked the history and it was all gay porn. And the guys looked pretty young like around 20 years old. It also had guys that looked like girls. When I asked him about it he became very defensive and finally told me he isn’t gay but likes gay porn. He said even as a child he watched it and that’s why he was always going to strip clubs so nobody would think he was gay. Said his family would be upset if they knew. I tried to accept it and a month later I saw in his phone history that he was on Craigslist on personal ads looking up the men for men and men for transsexual. When I asked about that he said it’s just entertaining. But we moved to a new state and that was a week after we moved. Our sex life is almost nonexistent now. Twice a month maybe. And he is always doing something with my butt. And I really don’t like anal. He would do anal everyday if I let him but vaginal is only twice a month.even than I’m always on my knees. He won’t do it unless I bend over. And he only touches my butt. NOTHING ELSE! I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t satisfy me and when I bring it up he tells me it’s not all about sex and he is busy all the time. Is he gay and I’m just blind?
Post # 2
Why don’t you sit down with your fiancé and have an adult conversation with him? No one can give you answers except him.
Post # 3
I won’t do it. Not because he is gay but because YOU seem to be bothered by his porn choices and sexual preferences. That right there is the reason that I would walk away. Sexual compatibility matters. You guys arent. It’s not about gay or straight it’s about being a good “fit”.
Post # 4
Wow if this is for real that is pretty messed up! I think the evidence is pretty glaringly obvious that the answer to your first question is absolutely ‘Yes.’ And, as for the second, well there is the saying that ‘Love is blind’ but I think you must deep down know what the truth is. If you decide to marry this man that is your choice but it sounds like there is a lot about your relationship that needs to be addressed if there is to be any hope of having a long and satisfying marriage.
Post # 5
[content moderated for name calling] but all these things you listed are not signs, they are dead give aways. There is no reason for your Fiance to not come to bed all night and browse Craigslist for hookups. Any explanation you take is just making excuses for his behavior. Leave.
Post # 6
[content moderated for name calling]
Post # 7
Not sure what a troll is. Has anyone known a man that was straight and just liked watching gay porn?
Post # 8
Who cares if he is gay or straight really, he’s cruising Craigslist for hookups. That would be enough for me to say goodbye.
Post # 10
Regardless of his sexuality he is trying to cheat on you. Is that what you want? You need to discuss this with him. Looking for hookups online is not “fun” unless you have negotiated a non-monogamous relationship.
However if I had to make a bet, I would say he’s at least a 4 on the Kinsey scale.
Post # 11
He said even as a child he watched it and that’s why he was always going to strip clubs so nobody would think he was gay. Said his family would be upset if they knew.” Well it sure sounds like there’s something to know about, which sounds like he indirectly just told you he was gay.
I wouldn’t say outright gay, but definitely bisexual. If you can’t talk to someone about their sexuality, you shouldn’t be marrying them. If he is gay, then it is extremely unfair of you to go into the marriage knowing there is a possibility he is cheating himself of true happiness. Please, for both of your sakes, talk to him, and seriously think about getting him some help from somewhere. It’s 2016, he shouldn’t be closeted!!!!
Post # 12
help12345: PS- if you have ever been on the internet and you claim to not know what a troll is, you are probably a troll.
Post # 13
help12345: I agree, regardless of his preference (and hey, sometimes it is fun to look at things you may not dig in real life) he is on line looking for hookups, that would be my que to leave.
Post # 14
help12345: Anything is possible regarding his sexuality, even given his interest in gay porn. The reality is that you may never get a straight answer out of him about whether he is sexually attracted to only women, men, or both. There’s a decent chance that he may not even fully know (or have admitted it to) himself.
Unfortunately, as PPs have said, this seems to be the least of your problems right now.
Browsing hook-up ads is massively concerning, even if he brushed it off as being a source of entertainment. Also, the fact that you seem to have little input into what you find enjoyable in the sexual portion of your relationship is not good. There also seems to be no open line of communication about your concerns. You said yourself that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with someone who does not satisfy you, so does the answer to your main question really even matter?
I think you know that you’re not happy or fulfilled in this relationship. You deserve better. Don’t let yourself get side tracked with some mission to determine his sexuality because that makes more sense to you. I know it’s hard to accept, but it doesn’t actually matter. Your happiness does.
Wishing you the very best of luck.
Post # 15
I browse craigslist hookups every so often for fun. I also share all the weird and funny ads with my husband and we roll our eyes at it together. Furthermore, I also watch gay porn. I just don’t think either of those should mean that he doesn’t love/is sexually attracted to you if you know him enough.
Time for another serious discussion I think. Tell him how hurt you feel about all the various things he does and that you just want answers. At the end of the day if you are still unsatisfied with what he is telling you then you should leave. Everybody deserves to be happy and intimate with their partner and it sounds like you are not.