(Closed) Getting married in two months and think fiancé is gay or bi

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Hostess
3175 posts
Sugar bee

Why don’t you sit down with your fiancé and have an adult conversation with him?  No one can give you answers except him.

Post # 3
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I won’t do it.  Not because he is gay but because YOU seem to be bothered by his porn choices and sexual preferences.  That right there is the reason that I would walk away.  Sexual compatibility matters. You guys arent.  It’s not about gay or straight it’s about being a good “fit”.

Post # 4
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

Wow if this is for real that is pretty messed up! I think the evidence is pretty glaringly obvious that the answer to your first question is absolutely ‘Yes.’ And, as for the second, well there is the saying that ‘Love is blind’ but I think you must deep down know what the truth is. If you decide to marry this man that is your choice but it sounds like there is a lot about your relationship that needs to be addressed if there is to be any hope of having a long and satisfying marriage. 

Post # 5
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

[content moderated for name calling] but all these things you listed are not signs, they are dead give aways. There is no reason for your Fiance to not come to bed all night and browse Craigslist for hookups. Any explanation you take is just making excuses for his behavior. Leave. 

Post # 6
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 8
Member
3380 posts
Sugar bee

Who cares if he is gay or straight really, he’s cruising Craigslist for hookups. That would be enough for me to say goodbye.

 

Post # 10
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

Regardless of his sexuality he is trying to cheat on you. Is that what you want? You need to discuss this with him. Looking for hookups online is not “fun” unless you have negotiated a non-monogamous relationship.

 

However if I had to make a bet, I would say he’s at least a 4 on the Kinsey scale.

Post # 11
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

help12345:  “

He said even as a child he watched it and that’s why he was always going to strip clubs so nobody would think he was gay. Said his family would be upset if they knew.” Well it sure sounds like there’s something to know about, which sounds like he indirectly just told you he was gay.

I wouldn’t say outright gay, but definitely bisexual. If you can’t talk to someone about their sexuality, you shouldn’t be marrying them. If he is gay, then it is extremely unfair of you to go into the marriage knowing there is a possibility he is cheating himself of true happiness. Please, for both of your sakes, talk to him, and seriously think about getting him some help from somewhere. It’s 2016, he shouldn’t be closeted!!!!

Post # 12
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

help12345:  PS- if you have ever been on the internet and you claim to not know what a troll is, you are probably a troll.

Post # 13
Hostess
8547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

help12345:  I agree, regardless of his preference (and hey, sometimes it is fun to look at things you may not dig in real life) he is on line looking for hookups, that would be my que to leave.

Post # 14
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

help12345:  Anything is possible regarding his sexuality, even given his interest in gay porn. The reality is that you may never get a straight answer out of him about whether he is sexually attracted to only women, men, or both. There’s a decent chance that he may not even fully know (or have admitted it to) himself. 

Unfortunately, as PPs have said, this seems to be the least of your problems right now.

Browsing hook-up ads is massively concerning, even if he brushed it off as being a source of entertainment. Also, the fact that you seem to have little input into what you find enjoyable in the sexual portion of your relationship is not good. There also seems to be no open line of communication about your concerns. You said yourself that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with someone who does not satisfy you, so does the answer to your main question really even matter?

I think you know that you’re not happy or fulfilled in this relationship. You deserve better. Don’t let yourself get side tracked with some mission to determine his sexuality because that makes more sense to you. I know it’s hard to accept, but it doesn’t actually matter. Your happiness does. 

Wishing you the very best of luck. 

Post # 15
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I browse craigslist hookups every so often for fun. I also share all the weird and funny ads with my husband and we roll our eyes at it together. Furthermore, I also watch gay porn. I just don’t think either of those should mean that he doesn’t love/is sexually attracted to you if you know him enough.

Time for another serious discussion I think. Tell him how hurt you feel about all the various things he does and that you just want answers. At the end of the day if you are still unsatisfied with what he is telling you then you should leave. Everybody deserves to be happy and intimate with their partner and it sounds like you are not.

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