Getting married in two months and think fiancé is gay or bi

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I would advise you not to go through with the wedding. My aunty’s first husband is gay. She says she always knew but refused to accept it, they even had two kids together. They eventually got divorced because well he’s gay and obviously it wasn’t working between them. She wishes she had never gone through with the marriage. Listen to your gut, it’s telling you something isn’t right here, calling off a wedding is stressful but a divorce will be worse.

Post # 17
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Too Much Information but whenever I do watch porn (not often) it’s almost always girl on girl. I’m not gay or bisexual I just enjoy that type of entertainment over other types of porn. So yeah it’s totally possible to be straight and watch gay porn but the searching for hookups and other issues you mentioned would make me hesitant to stay with him because hes obvipusly trying to cheat on you

Post # 18
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

help12345:  Honey he is very, very gay. Please have a talk and leave him. This is not good for both of you. He may be bi but I doubt it, the way he is acting. I am not trying to shame men who are attracted to trans women (FI and I have both had prior relationships when trans women, actually), but there is a reason he is only looking for them or men. There are so many dealbreakers here that you wrote out. It’s time to leave.

Post # 19
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

1.) Your sex life is unsatisfying and uncomfortable for you. That should be a huge problem that your fiancé should care about and want to fix, but he doesn’t listen to your concerns.

2.) He’s looking for casual hookups on Craigslist. I don’t buy that he’s doing it for laughs–that’s the excuse that every cheater ever gives when caught. Combined with the other evidence re: his sexuality, I think there’s more to the story that just wanting a laugh. (Especially because I don’t really understand what would be all that funny about hookup ads. They’re all pretty much the same and not very funny or even interesting.)

Whether he’s gay, straight, or bi, he’s not a good guy and you don’t trust him, so at the very least you should call off the wedding and go through therapy. But I think your gut is telling you that he’s gay, and if so, you should listen to it and break it off completely. Don’t waste years on this man and look back and regret what you put yourself and your kids through.

Edited to add: for your own safety, you should assume that he’s already met one of these casual hookups and cease all sexual activity and get tested! 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Mrs. Honeybee.
Post # 20
Member
1875 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Gay, Bi or straight your Fiance sounds like an asshole. 

To answer your post though – yes I think he is gay and no I don’t think you should marry him. 

I don’t like how incomfortable your sex life sounds, he is selfish and only willing to satisfy himself. 

I also don’t like the sound of the Craigslist shit, firstly it sounds like a lie and secondly he is probably cheating and has now exposed you to god knows what. i agree with PP – get tested. ASAP. 

Post # 21
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

A couple of bees have commented that they watch gay porn & they’re straight, but it’s a lot more common for straight women to watch lesbian porn than for straight guys to watch gay porn. I think it’s because most porn is so centered around penises and male pleasure, so oftentimes lesbian porn is the only porn that actually centers around women’s body parts and women’s pleasure. Like, I’m not going to get off from watching a girl give some dude a blow job. But guys don’t really have that problem. Since virtually all porn centers around their pleasure & their body parts, the only reason to watch gay porn is because you just really get off on watching two dudes have sex. 

Of course, I’m sure there are some totally straight guys out there who do watch gay porn because there are exceptions to every rule, but most men who watch gay porn are probably either gay or bi. 

Does he go down on you? I’ve heard Dan Savage say that there are plenty of gay guys who can fake it through sex with a woman, but it’s a rare gay guy who’s going to want to get up close & personal with your ladybits. Of course, even if he does go down on you it could be because he’s bi. But it sounds like the problem here is that he seems to be into men to the exclusion of sex with you, not just in addition to it. If he occasionally fantasized about men but also loved having sex with you, then that wouldn’t necessarily be a problem. Instead, it seems like he may only be into men & not be into having sex with you at all. 

Post # 22
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Gay..very gay

Post # 23
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

Regardless if he is gay or not, he is not making you happy that should be enough to wait on the wedding until you figure out exactly what is it that you want to do.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Unique717.
Post # 24
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m openly, comfortably bisexual and the porn wouldn’t bother me at all. However, the trying to cheat??? No thanks. Also the casual homophobia doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy, guys. 

Post # 25
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

help12345:  hes gay. 100%. And trying to cheat on you. Do not marry him. Where theres smoke, theres fire! Listen to your gut.

Post # 26
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

help12345:  The man is GAY, let him go find the man of his dreams. If he’s screwing random men on Craigslist, you should leave and make sure you are ok. Find someone who loves you AND your V. 

Post # 27
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

Yipeebee:  I don’t think it’s his sexual orientation people are reacting to, it’s his dishonesty. It’s just vile to lie about something so fundamental, cheat on someone committed to you and possibly put their life at risk with risky Craiglist behavior.

Post # 28
Member
3308 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You *think* he’s gay? I’d say that he’s announcing it in every way possible other than wearing a rainbow t-shirt. And the craigslist hookups? Staying with him is more likely to give you an std than happiness. 

ETA: no homophobia here. I simply believe that a person’s sexual orientation is what it is, nbd.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Profile Photo doberman.
Post # 29
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

lawandbeauty53:  Second this! No homophobia was intended in my post–just sincere concern for someone whose SO may be cheating on them. Apologies if anything I said offended anyone. 

Post # 30
Member
22 posts
Newbee

Just going to throw this out there…. Regardless of if he is gay… If he is hooking up with people from Craigslist… and then having sex with you, he is possibly exposing you to several diseases. Make sure you get yourself tested. 

 

I did not read all the replies… Might be a repeat.

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