(Closed) Getting married legally fist! But…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t rush it.  If the time isn’t right for him, then it’s not the right time.  Both of you have to be prepared, especially when this is actually the marriage starting, not just an engagement. 

His comment about the house doesn’t really sound like he’s talking about marriage, just that he’s thinking about a long-term future together.  Operative word being thinking.  It’s nice that he wanted to show you his sister’s ring, but it could be as simple as he just liked the ring! Don’t rush and just enjoy your relationship.  Everything will fall into place in its own time.

Post # 4
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

I ditto what Abbie said.

Also, if you get married that IS your [“real”] wedding, whether it takes place in a castle with 800 guests or at city hall with 2 witnesses.  What you have planned for later is a vow renewal.  If it is because of a visa issue and you’re upfront that you are already husband & wife, people tend to be pretty understanding.

Post # 5
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@kyungsun2 : Don’t stress too badly, your moment will come. For now, feel safe in the fact that he is willing to take such a legally binding step to keep you here. It seems as though he is preparing for a future life with the two of you. Enjoy the moment, other’s will come soon enough.  

@AnastasiaM : Although I understand the logic behind your reasoning, I feel like a lot of people don’t take into account the fact that although the marraige is legal, it may not have the same binding as a ceremony with religion and/or family. If outside influences cause a couple to go through the procedure earlier than they would otherwise, I don’t feel its fair to discredit later and more emotional action. By terming it a “vow renewal” it makes it sound less important than the “wedding” that the couple truly feels like their having. Nobody wants such an important occasion to be set a step lower. 

Post # 6
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

@missfrillycoat:  A wedding is a marriage ceremony, not a big party.  Considering a vow renewal to be a “real wedding” doesn’t actually make it a wedding.  Wedding = a couple getting married, which you do not do at a vow renewal (you already used your marriage license the first time).

If a couple has a visa reason for getting married early and having a party later, most people will understand.  However, if it is just due to impatience you can’t have a “do-over” later… if you make a decision to go to the JOP to get married, that was your wedding & you can’t have another one unless you get divorced.

I’m also confused about your argument that calling it a vow renewal would make it sound less important.  If the OP feels that the vow renewal is more important than the wedding, why not actually get married on the day with all the frills and have her parents present then?  Also, although you may not like it, some people would be more likely to take time to go to a wedding than a vow renewal, because they want to see the couple get married.

Post # 7
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@AnastasiaMI’m also confused about your argument that calling it a vow renewal would make it sound less important. —> Also, although you may not like it, some people would be more likely to take time to go to a wedding than a vow renewal, because they want to see the couple get married.


Obviously we don’t feel the same on this subject, but it shouldn’t be expected that people do. I’ll agree to disagree. 

Post # 8
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

@missfrillycoat:  Fair enough, everybody seems to have an opinion on this. =) I just think everybody should be wary of implying going to the JOP doens’t qualify as a wedding, because for many people (especially in the past) that was their wedding and they don’t take kindly to being implied it isn’t as good as a full-of-frills wedding.

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