- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Ok where to begin…
FH and I got engaged in July and we’re getting married this Sunday, on our 8 year anniversary. Originally we wanted to do a Destination Wedding, but after my mom’s feelings seemed hurt that most family couldn’t attend we are basically sacrificing our honeymoon to be able to include our family at our local wedding. That’s a whole controversy in itself – everything has now been paid for – so please don’t post and tell me how I made a mistake by not going on a honeymoon (not the advice I’m looking for).
We’ve decided to do a small civil ceremony at a castle near my mom’s house. My grandpa is giving me away. I’m having 3 bridesmaids, my 3 best friends – that I have been friends with the longest. Maid/Matron of Honor and I met in kindergarten so she is the closet thing I have to a sister, Bridesmaid or Best Man1 in 6th grade and Bridesmaid or Best Man2 freshman year of college. Including FH and I, there will be 22 people at our wedding. And really, that’s all we can afford to have. (I’m still in graduate school and my family can’t really help with the wedding as my dad unexpectedly passed away 2 years ago and left my mom in a financial mess).
Lately it feels like everyone I know is giving me shit about my wedding.
It started when one of my best friends and my old college roommates found out she wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid or get to come to the wedding. She threw a huge fit, threw my wedding under the bus, told me that she’d “rather be friends with people that could afford to celebrate their wedding day properly,” said that she would no longer be coming to our girl’s night party to celebrate (ALL my friends were cool and understanding about us doing something small and still wanted to celebrate/congratulate me)… and then the next thing she did was literally turn ALL my college friends against me! I really don’t know what she said to them, but not a single one showed up at my party and then I got some kind of text like “When I decide to boycott, so does everyone else.” Nice, right? So now I feel like I have lost a serious chunk of friends from my life – well more that I wasted 4+ years on their friendships when they are obviously nasty people. I still had a really nice turnout at my party of the ones that really do love and care about me, and I didn’t let it put a damper on my evening. I still had an amazing time with the 14 that came and tried to shrug it off.
Next – my cousin. Cousins aren’t invited to the wedding (we probably have over 30 between us). Just immediate family and siblings along with one of my aunts since she has dimensia and my grandparents care for her. My cousin posted on my facebook wall “Isn’t your wedding coming up? Where is my invite?” (PS, I’ve tried to post as little as possible on social media about the wedding since it is so small). I messaged my cousin and politely asked her to remove that comment from my wall because I didn’t want others to think it was rude of me to not respond there. I told her that we’re just doing something small on our anniversary. Next she said “What are you pregnant?” UM? No. I’ve been engaged in July and we’re getting married on our 8th! anniversary. She then said “Well I just figured you were pregnant since you’re rushing and not having a big wedding.” Ok, rude..
Next – FH’s cousin’s wife. She messaged me furiously yesterday saying that FH’s cousin hasn’t told her anything about the wedding! I said, “Well.. there isn’t much to tell you since we’re having something small, and I’m sorry but we aren’t inviting cousins. I know he’s been invited to the ‘bachelor party.'” Then she got nasty with me because HE hasn’t told her anything about it – and she’s got a Scentsy party so if they can’t find a baby sitter then he can’t go. I’m sorry, but I didn’t realize a candle party was more important than his cousin getting married. Whatever. I told her to talk to him about it. Then she starts saying that she found out from FH’s grandmother when and where our wedding is and they will be coming “whether we like it or not.”
That was my breaking point.
How do I deal with people hating on my wedding!? It’s going to be small, intimate, and beautiful – but now I can’t help but feel like it isn’t good enough, because, literally, people have said that to me! I feel like I sacrifice one thing for another. First it was my honeymoon, then it was friendships, and now FH’s cousins are coming and my cousins will be PISSED. What do I even do here!?
**I probably won’t respond for awhile as I’m traveling for work this morning. I will be back to check this afternoon.
tl;dr – sacrificed honeymoon to make family happy by having a wedding, friends are pissed that they weren’t invited to super small wedding, cousins are pissed and assumed I’m getting married bc I’m pregnant, and people are now inviting themselves.